verbena Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 He got on a plane and flew out west to see his son this morning. He asked a few days ago if it was OK, and of course, my friend risperdal said "Sure, go ahead, I'll be fine", and now he's gone for a week. and :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 ((((((((verbena)))))))) may the risperdal be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 (((((ver)))) Good on you for letting him go. Repeat.... It is only a week. He loves you and will be back soon xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 Aaaw...it just shows how sweet and considerate you are for letting him do this...don't fret, we're all here to keep you company...He'll be back soon...a week is not all that long...Plus, it gives you something to look foward to!!! Hey, maybe you can plan a surprise for him when he gets back! :grouphug[1]: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 just keep concentrating on counting the days 'til he's back, it's not long, i'm sure he's missing you too and is going to be great when he gets back since he will have missed you too. Only a week, it'll be ok, just keep talking to us. Take care, Victoria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 (((Verbena))))) Thinking of you!!!!!!!!1 E :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 Leaving work to go to fitness center. Then to an empty house with no computer. See you all tomorrow. XX Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 *sits with verbena so she is not alone* take care sweet one flippy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 are you sure you have to go home.. hide under your desk and stay with us.... we'll help you make it thru bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loopylizzie Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 Well done for letting him go! There's no way I would be able to let my partner go away for a whole week at the moment; it'd destroy me, and probably our relationship, if he even suggested it. I really admire you - one day I hope I'll be as "together" as you and able to see such separation in perspective. You may not feel like it right now, but to be able to say "yes of course you can go" and not show how you really feel is huge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 I had to be without David for 3 months when I spent the summer with my daughter in SG...It was rough, but I got through it, and so will you...Mind you, I did have regular access to the net though (David was ever so punctual...would be online at least once a day), plus we had webcam as well, and if things got really bad, there was the phone...Why not rent a couple of DVDs to tide you over? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 20, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 It will sound rotten of me I'm sure, but it isn't that I miss him. It's that I don't do very well alone at home. I can go on trips alone and take good care of myself, but at home alone, I drink too much. I always drink too much, but he's there to make sure I'm safe. The other thing is that with nobody there to talk to and look at, I begin to hear things that aren't there and see things that aren't there. It happened a couple times last night, and it didn't scare me. While I was outside doing chores, and walked alone a stack of hay, I could see my big gray mama cat walk along the hay next to me, but couldn't have, because I was holding her. I do let things get so big that I scare myself. But it didn't last night. Everytime he goes away something happens. Not always something bad, but something always happens. Last night, my oldest mama goat was in labor when I got home. I couldn't be sure. I knew what I saw. I saw a small amount of blood. But I put off and put off calling the vet, because I didn't trust what I was "seeing". I didn everything I would normally do for a nanny, then still not sure, called the vet to come out at 6:30. He was there within 1/2 hour, and she still wasn't in hard labor, and I was mortified at what I had done, calling him for no reason. After examining her though, he said she was indeed in labor and he stayed to help her. One kid was only half developed and born dead. He delighted in explaining and trying to show it to me. I was politely interested, and in the back of my mind I told myself, "You can delete this later if you want to." She also had a very pretty little girl kid. I had had one drink before he came, and by the time I got back into the house at almost 9:00, I was hungry and after eating too tired to do anything but go to bed. This morning everything was still fine with mother and daughter. I don't miss him at all. I love him very, very much, but I don't miss him at all and I don't worry that I won't see him again. I'm just afraid to be home alone. I'm aftraid I'll fall down the basement steps. I'm afraid to come home after dark, to do the chores in the dark. I'm not afraid in the house. I lock all the doors, lock the dog in the bedroom with me, and have a gun under the bed. I slept pretty well. You guys were really sweet to me yesterday and again today. If I had a computer at home, nothing would get done and I'd get no sleep, but I felt lots better having read what you wrote before I left, and knowing that all night while I was alone, that you knew and maybe were thinking of me. XXXXX Ann :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loopylizzie Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 Well done and congratulations on the new kid I have 4 goaties - adorable little critters. I know just what you mean about not missing your partner when he's away. It's the thought of mine going away that makes me sweat, by the time we've got through my histrionics and he has actually gone I'm fine (out of sight, out of mind seems to be literally how I feel). I have very bad nightmares and tend to see things in the room when I am in a semi-conscious state, so I really hate sleeping alone. My over-active imagination also has me being raped and murdered every night, so despite the dogs who would soon warn me if anyone was trying to get in and a phone by my bed I tend to stay awake most of the night in a state of terror. I'm better than I used to be though,; I used to push the wardrobe and a chest of drawers across the bedroom door to stop imaginary assailants from getting in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calyps Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 You might hate being in the house alone but we're all with you in spirit. I enjoy being in the house on my own for a while, then the novelty wears off and I start thinking that I should get drunk and cut myself just because I can, and also to dispel any trust anyone has in leaving me alone, I suppose. Anyway, my thought are with you, hope you have a good evening (I don't know what time is it where you are)! Anwen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 I always think about drinking when I am alone then I play music and dance for awhile then fall asleep. I hate the weekends especially when I worked because I would have to work so early on the weekends that I could not go out the night before. So I would leave work 4pm and wonder what the hell I was going to do with myself. At college I hated weekends to because many of my friends went back to their parent's homes and my professors and therapists were not there it was lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 ((((((Ann))))) While you are in people's thoughts you DO exist and you are never alone... We are with you..... Ginny PS> Believe me - he'll be back before you know it!!!!!!! ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 20, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 Thank you Ginny. I liked what you said about feeling I exist. For myself, I feel things, but don't put words on it very well, and you're right. It does sometimes feel we don't exist, but knowing that you guys were up and BPD World was working was a comfort for me. I am going to work out now, and I have therapy in the morning, and will see you guys after. XX Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpmonki Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 take care ann ur in my thoughts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted January 20, 2005 Report Share Posted January 20, 2005 :hug2: take care sweet one flippy xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 21, 2005 Report Share Posted January 21, 2005 I was once all alone in a 2-bedroom house when David was away on a trip to London...It was freezing all the time (had no central heating...had one of those card meters which was too hight for me to reach), and the stereo in the kitchen would come on all by itself...It was well spooky!!! I spent most of my time huddled under a duvet...I later found out the reason the stereo came on was because I'd dropped something on the kitchen counter by accident, and it set off the sensitive wiring in the player...So at least it wasn't anything paranormal like I'd initially believed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 21, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2005 Two nights down, but last night sucked. I sat in my chair trying to watch T.V., and swatting imaginary knats away from my face as mice ran out of the register. I should ask you Soul, is that what risperdal did to you? My head was so heavy, like a pumpkin on my shoulders. My arms were weak from the elbows, and my face was numb. I finally went to bed, and slept hard. Saw my t this morning, and he suggested that maybe it was Terry being gone that caused it. Didn't remember to set the alarm or coffee maker, just fell into bed. Terry called right after I left my appointment. We talked about his visit with his granddaughter, and I told him I had talked about him in therapy today. I do wish he'd just come and say hello in a session. Thanks tons for listening and being there. It makes me weak thinking of you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexa Posted January 21, 2005 Report Share Posted January 21, 2005 (((((((((((Ver))))))))))))) ya know i luv ya! :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted January 21, 2005 Report Share Posted January 21, 2005 Hang in there Ver, like you said 2 down! okay leaves five but you can do it! Is anything else suppose to be born? ' bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 21, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2005 :lol: Honestly, that kid was at least 2-3 weeks over! That it waited until the first night Terry is gone to be born is kismet. Tonight my younger son might come down from Madison with his girlfriend to stay over, but they have a wedding sometime tomorrow, so I left him a message saying that if they need to be back in Madison midday, they maybe shouldn't come. Tomorrow night I go to the symphony. Terry left his good truck, so that should be no problem. I really had big plans for myself the first night he was gone and the kid being born stopped/messed me up/saved me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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