Social Anxiety

[prang_out]

im not sure if im in the right place here this is my first post, but are there many folks here who suffer from social anxiety?

i have a general anxiety problem largely generated by weed smoke and have seen a dramatic downward spiral in this direction since i was 18 (am now 22). iam able to cope with going to work *just* and am ok when i am concentrating but if iam caught out when off centre or when high i become completely socially retarded and literally unable to function. the joke is that i grew up being loud and outgoing and then spent the rest of my years becoming A MONG although still came out with a 2:1 from uni and had large groups of friends up till a few years ago.

i am a little in the dark still and would like to be able to learn from and get to know others who have perhaps dealt with or overcome this problem

after reading this back it looks so succintly obvious that i should just stop smoking weed altogether but i have given up for a few months at a time (job..one which exacerbated the condition 100 fold- another story) and still found the condition prevalent in most situations and the same negative physical/emotional/mental patterns were occuring but i do think there were lessened slightly. i know the stopping smoking weed is NOT gonna be enough to sort me out.

i need help breaking the emotional and mental patterns associated with this disease!

so basically i know these issues probably dont sound like shit but if there is someone out there who is on a similar level then that would be amazing. i am a largely grounded person except for this one crazy thing which drives me mad!!! even if there isnt anyone out there just being able to write this stuff down is amazing and therapeutic so thank you boards!

thanks for reading :)

[Dutchie]

Hi Prang_out,

Wow you sound just like me lol. I was really out going at one stage, then started smoking weed at 17 - 18 and still do now. I'm told I should quit, but its hard and I don't think it will help much cause I love it so much, it helps me get through the days. I say I'm on more of a Social Phobia level, I just generally think everyone thinks I'm a bit crazy, especially my friends but they don't say anything... so it's probably in my head and I don't want to ask them. I've tried to over come it by forcing myself to socialise, which seems to work under certain circumstances.

Just kinda did an introduction there. I want to say something to help since your problem seems similar to mine, but I don't really know what is wrong. Can you explain a situation which I might be able to relate to? Do you find it harder to talk to your friends when your stoned?

Ehhh.. I doubt this will help at all.... seconds thoughts on posting this... but im gonna hit the add reply button anyway!

[prang_out]

Ehhh.. I doubt this will help at all.... seconds thoughts on posting this... but im gonna hit the add reply button anyway!

lol i always do that, smoke and then think, maybe not! i think this mode of thinking is related somehow..im often "editing" myself around people i dont know, ive recognised this and just thought f**k it i will be myself and not give a shit cos its waste of energy, but its almost as if somehow, some part of me sort of enjoys the crippling anxiety? or thinks i deserve it?

i feel like i need my subconscious reprogramming and not smoking would help that, but then again so would professional help!!

i honestly think the mode of thoughts become so engrained the physical feelings of anxiety wont go away because of the emotional and mental RUT. its almost like my body is addicted to the adrenaline or whatever and it just so happens to cause me the physical/emotional/mental symptoms as a way of getting it.

anyway I can ONLY smoke if im in the right frame of mind..and definately not before ANY kind of social event. if im somehow lunged into a social sitiuation when high i will most likely have a panic attack and do my best to hide it. after that happens i can generally cope. when im not high i can function but the anxiety seeped over into when im 'normal' :S some years ago but ive only admitted all this to myself in the last year or so and have just been 'trying to work it out' more or less on my own, since then.

i too force myself into general social situations(uni, work etc), rarely ever really feel physically comfortable in them though and some definately scarred me worse and and some bolstered my confidence. i find it depends alot on how i "enter" the situation and what im feeling at that precise moment - it can literally go one way or the other then.

thanks very much for replying Dutchie..hope im not waffling too much. just having someone else to relate to about this is so helpful.

[Dutchie]

Haha.. I have to refrain myself from waffling on to much. If I start thinking and typing at the same time... it will never end. I think I'm just going to go for professional help as you said. Thinking about it now, if I start talking in person with someone about my problems, it would probably help more and atleast they can tell me my options and what is the best path for getting... "better".

I wouldn't say I enjoy my social anxiety... social phobia... (even though i havent been diagnosed with anything, I'm just pressuming) I basically go into a world of my own in groups when im out "socialising" and just don't talk what so ever, to cover up my paranoia. Which obviously doesnt work lol. It varieys though, sometimes i'm fine if I just don't think, which is extremely hard to do.

Heres to getting proffessional help!!

Good luck!

[prang_out]

Of course actually going out there and getting the help is quite a hard thing for someone who doesnt like talkin to people!

Thats why this forum is so great, there arent the same kinds of social barriers thrown up.

I personally am quite embarrassed about the whole thing - i even know someone who could easily give me the help i need i just worry about what kinda dirt were actually gonna dig up on me going through the process of therapy. Ive also tried the other avenues, u know, free uni councelling, doctors( i went and described my physical symptoms long before i knew what i was actually suffering from), they didnt want to know really. And just looking at a professional psychologist costs you £100 these days.

I am finding just posting on here helps get my thoughts in order. I wanna help you, can u ever recognise the paranoia and tell yourself its just the weed talking..as hard as that sounds, there is a good "watcher" technique to combat this, and does it ever happen when ur not stoned? doesnt sound like u get nervous at all, just paranoid people will think your "abit crazy" but what makes you think that? PM me if you'd rather.

Cheers :)

[manxminx]

I suffer from quite severe sociophobia (social anxiety 'disorder') and find it very debilitating. It's as if I'm allergic to people! It's a totally irrational fear, but at the same time, it's very real. I just can't cope with being around people. Even my safe space at home - the back yard - gets too much for me when the neighbours are out in their yards. For example, at one point last Friday I was in tears on the kitchen floor just inside the door wishing everyone would leave me alone, even though no-one had done anything to me or even tried to speak to me.

The really strange thing is that I don't like myself - I don't like my own company at all, I don't like being alone, and I get lonely very easily.

It's all very crazy, and very emotionally draining. I wish I knew an answer to it all. . .

And the one thing I long for more than any other would be to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Ali.

P.s. I'd love to try a joint, but I don't know anyone who smokes it, or where I could get any from. . . . .

[hmmm]

I blame my social phobia on many years of smoking weed. I also blame the weed for my twisted mind (even though I've quit now for 8 months) and unusual acts of self harm.

[lavoisier]

I can empathise with Manx minx, I share so many similarities there.

People have always been the cause of my unhappiness and I think I still associate that with them now. This goes back to abusive parents and bullying at school and work. I avoid crowds and going out unless I feel quite strong that day.

I have no desire to smoke weed as I gave up fags and booze a long time ago and as I get addicted to things it would just be something else to fight.

It is a very debilitating condition and I feel for you all.

Take care

Paul X

[messygirl]

prang - were you generally ok socially before you started smoking the weed? Just wondering. Ive found myself that the people who experience social fear smoking it usually have had some form of anxiety beforehand even if it was much less obvious, of course thats not true for everyone though. Ive found it actually impossible to understand those who are totally relaxed around others when stoned! Ive suffered severe social phobia most of my life (I consider social phobia, as opposed to anxiety different in the sense that phobia is so severe it can cause a complete avoidance of people whereas anxiety may be tolerated with great discomfort) and smoking weed with people, even those that are supposed to be my friends, causes massive paranoia, massive panic. I only smoke 1 small spliff before bed by myself now and it doesnt cause me any problems due to my small intake.

Have you seen 'Human Traffic'? Ive been just like 'Moff' from that!

Social anxiety = pure HELL! Try to at least cut down on the weed, honestly strains are so strong these days its so bad for your mental health.

[scrambled1]

I suffer from quite severe sociophobia (social anxiety 'disorder') and find it very debilitating. It's as if I'm allergic to people! It's a totally irrational fear, but at the same time, it's very real. I just can't cope with being around people. Even my safe space at home - the back yard - gets too much for me when the neighbours are out in their yards. For example, at one point last Friday I was in tears on the kitchen floor just inside the door wishing everyone would leave me alone, even though no-one had done anything to me or even tried to speak to me.

The really strange thing is that I don't like myself - I don't like my own company at all, I don't like being alone, and I get lonely very easily.

It's all very crazy, and very emotionally draining. I wish I knew an answer to it all. . .

And the one thing I long for more than any other would be to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Ali.

P.s. I'd love to try a joint, but I don't know anyone who smokes it, or where I could get any from. . . . .

i suffer social phobias too i have support to take me to appointments or shops etc, but feel very isolated dont leave house much on my own, have lived in this flat a year and a half now not met any of the neibours , whats a joint

[sunchildlz]

um...last time i got high i really went nuts. i called some guy a rapist because i thought that by saying everything on my mind i would come down and get better. i grabbed the girl's hand next to me and made her follow me to the side of the house and told her everything on my mind. i tried to set her couch on fire. i turned my car off and on a few times. then i tried to take off, but they took my keys. so i sat down and saw the world in cartoon and the background was like a red and white checkerboard tablecloth and all i could hear was trent reznor and he was singing to me in front of my face, but he was cartoon image too, so was i but i had a different hair color. all this time i was completely silent and sitting outside around a table while everyone else was having a great time and i was panicking silently. i was so fucked up. when i came just a bit to all i could think about were my keys and i stared at them on the table for a good fifteen minutes before i actually got the courage to pick them up and convince everyone that i was okay to drive back to my apartment. when i got there i sat on the edge of the bed, put my hands over my face and fell on the floor passed out. then scott came home and put me in the shower and it had to be ice cold and he kept turning it colder but i just kept telling him that i was a fish. then he sat me in front of the tv and i watched cartoons while he made me drink water and shoved oatmeal down my throat. then i had to go to bed.

yeah..i think it messes with us mentally ill people. moreso than others. why? i don't know.

[prang_out]

prang - were you generally ok socially before you started smoking the weed? Just wondering. Ive found myself that the people who experience social fear smoking it usually have had some form of anxiety beforehand even if it was much less obvious, of course thats not true for everyone though. Ive found it actually impossible to understand those who are totally relaxed around others when stoned! Ive suffered severe social phobia most of my life (I consider social phobia, as opposed to anxiety different in the sense that phobia is so severe it can cause a complete avoidance of people whereas anxiety may be tolerated with great discomfort) and smoking weed with people, even those that are supposed to be my friends, causes massive paranoia, massive panic. I only smoke 1 small spliff before bed by myself now and it doesnt cause me any problems due to my small intake.

Have you seen 'Human Traffic'? Ive been just like 'Moff' from that!

Social anxiety = pure HELL! Try to at least cut down on the weed, honestly strains are so strong these days its so bad for your mental health.

I *think* I was ok before hand, I had lots of friends and was popular at school and stuff...it was when is started college and thats when i noticed it, physical symptoms slipping in but it took another 4/5 years of tolerating the gradually more horrendous general anxiety and full blown panic attacks before I actually realised what was wrong with me. Thanks to the internet. So then I cut down on weed but I never stopped. Now it seems like the anxiety wouldnt go away even if i did stop because the mental and emotional triggers are so strong and imbedded now. I have been working on them though and had some circumstance/life changes recently and felt better but i know that i could NEVER smoke with others except my partner or go out when high cos i am literally likely to keel over. shit aint good for the heart! or head, like you said, definately bad for mental health.

To sunchildlz, your account made me lol cos ive been there! Trent Reznor crystal clear in your ears with wild visuals and thinking youre a fish. Its not fun. Eating sweet things is the way you can "come down", so if you smoke, people, always carry them lucozade tablets.

[Elke.]

@ scrambled1

It helps a lot to have someone to support you and go out with you to do chores. I had that support for a while - what a difference it made....

Besides the weed, which I feel is not the cause, some of the symptoms of social phobia are: fear of rejection, fear of criticism, and above all fear of being watched and judged. Any of you have these fears? I certainly do!

Elke

[cuddlesthefox]

I have social phobia which stops me leaving the house, and I cant go in my back garden, I always keep the blinds closed so no-one can look in and see me.This has strangely enough developed since I had my children, and since I have my other problems under control, its like if you dont have one problem another comes along.

Gemma

[scrambled1]

@ scrambled1

It helps a lot to have someone to support you and go out with you to do chores. I had that support for a while - what a difference it made....

Besides the weed, which I feel is not the cause, some of the symptoms of social phobia are: fear of rejection, fear of criticism, and above all fear of being watched and judged. Any of you have these fears? I certainly do!

Elke

i am awaiting for a befriender now to add to my support network, does anyone else have 1, i am scared i not do good when new peeps start, i start going to an art class on wednesday and i am terrified, its in same building as my psychiatrist and cpn

dont know who others in group are but know i need to get out of flat and meet other people

[JasonB]

If pot is making the condition worse, you must try and quit. Anyway, I'm 44 (just turned) and all my life have felt odd...out of place. I'm pretty good in 1:1 settings, but in groups I tend to freeze up. I remember one occasion when it must habe been 90 degrees, or so, and I was talking to two women who worked for the same company but in different locations from me. Anyway, I became so chilled my teeth were chattering. That's on symptom I've experienced. I've an appt with a shrink and am hoping meds and therapy will help. I really do not enjoy living like this. Thing is I isolate myself, but inside I want to be the center of attention and I love being in charge, but find it very hard. By the way, do give up the pot. I smoked myself for years and years. Drank too. Both only exacerbate the symptoms.

[mrsmiller]

Im pretty sure I have a social Phobia..panick attacks even passed out a few times at a bar beacuse i was sober. Im not a huge drinker but if I wanna go to a club or hang out with people i definetly need something to take the edge off. And yes smoking pot definetly makles it worse for me. I feel everyone is better than me. even one on one my thoughts are ALyways trailing off and i hardly ever hear even half of the conversation. this really drives my family crazy and me too. its always wait stop start over i didnt hear you. my mind is always preoccupied

[prang_out]

update

hello again. here i am over a year later than when i posted this thread originally. i can only say things have gotten worse. i go out much less and thus find it harder to interact. i have not worked in over a year... i have had a couple of outbursts at family gatherings (i used to be okay with these but the anxiety has now seeped through to those too and now i get drunk and shout at members of my family ) cos i cant seem to contain 'the rage'. so now i keep myself away because i dont trust myself at all anymore. i can now add bouts of 'depression' to my list of ailments as this seems to be a regular occurance on top of (because of?) the social anxiety.

dunno if its an inferiority complex masked by a major superiority complex or the other way round

either way..im definitely going mad

but, i still believe that

'it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a society this sick'

[Juandcats]

update

hello again. here i am over a year later than when i posted this thread originally. i can only say things have gotten worse. i go out much less and thus find it harder to interact. i have not worked in over a year... i have had a couple of outbursts at family gatherings (i used to be okay with these but the anxiety has now seeped through to those too and now i get drunk and shout at members of my family ) cos i cant seem to contain 'the rage'. so now i keep myself away because i dont trust myself at all anymore. i can now add bouts of 'depression' to my list of ailments as this seems to be a regular occurance on top of (because of?) the social anxiety.

dunno if its an inferiority complex masked by a major superiority complex or the other way round

either way..im definitely going mad

but, i still believe that

'it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a society this sick'

Hi dude, i've had a similer thing as you and the weed and drinking made it worse. I've just managed to fall out with my only close friend so I pretty much spend 24/7 on my own...apart from my cats. I saw a shrink for six months and i reckon that would definately help...........like youreself I found it super hard to actually get there but as time went by, about four months, I actually went to cinema on my own for the first time in my 35 years of life!! Just a shame the therapy stopped so 2 years later I'm almost back to sqaure one...........the main thing is you can change, which I was as suprised at that as anyone !!

[prang_out]

i think they generally just prescribe anti anxiety drugs and if youre lucky get stuck on a psychotherapy waiting list thats longer than a very long thing

amirite?

neither option appeals to me, plus i have this paranoia that they'll think im lying or making it up

i just dunno how id tell my gp, what are others experiences of it?

why did your therapy stop, Juandcats?

[redjeff]

hi i used to have severe social anxiety, now i dont although i struggle with depression i wonder if th sa has turned into depression? maybe. accepting i had sa was the first step, years of denial and pretending i was mr cool! if i felt i couldn't do it i wouldn't. i resumed playing guitar in company this led on to singing , i have no nerves or shakes anymore maybe the music side of my brain healed the anxious side?

[prang_out]

hi redjeff

i think my 'pandering' to the SA (ie going out less, avoiding people) has contributed to the depression, although im not sure it would be any better if i had thrown myself into those social situations either, as theres probably a 3/4 chance of any social interaction being lumped into the 'further emotional scarring' category. if the chances are lower in reality i certainly dont see it.

i definitely get what youre saying about creativity and right brain activity healing/balancing left brain disturbances, although i also think thinking/acting from the right brain has contributed to problems with SA for me, as in socialisation i tend to disassociate and focus on the emotional energy exchange rather than whats actually being said (i think this is normal for most people at an unconcious level, whereas for me its concious, and painfully so). so i always end up feeling and looking rather guarded and stiff, as i struggle to read energy directly AND be in the moment at the same time..yet i cant seem to turn it off. brain constantly insists on mentally interpreting emotional responses, body language etc... :blink:

[Elke.]

Hi I really dont know where else to put this ... I am really panicky about a certain incident, which will follow.

Up front, it is very hard for me to leave the house for years now, because I cant seem to go anywhere without getting reactions from people toward me that I just dont understand anymore. And I cannot "get over" them. I am alone with nothing and no one and am haunted by these incidents for days sometimes weeks.

I just read up on some info of my "diagnosis" and read the following:

F60 Disorders of adult personality and behaviour

1. There is evidence that the individual's characteristic and enduring patterns of inner experience and behaviour as a whole deviate markedly from the culturally expected and accepted range (or "norm").

I am wondering if I just live in a culture now, that I did not grow up in and therefore regarded as deviant from the "norm". I also see cultural differences here in Germany that are different than those I grew up in. Such as: The most unfriendliest salespeople in the world (which has been agreed upon by many others). And this is the incident:

Last week I went out for a day with my elderly mother. We had a pretty nice day together and visited some stores and then she wanted to buy an angel for my dads grave, so we went to a tree nursery. She asked my which angel I thought was best, and I kept telling her she was the one who had to decide what she wanted, not me. (Anything wrong with that???) I also looked around for some decoration, but it was quite expensive and asked the saleslady if she could give me any ideas. And she says: "My ideas are for MY PURPOSE and NOT YOURS!!!!" I was so shocked and dropped what I had and said "Lets go".

I called there today because I wanted to put in a complaint about this saleslady. I thought this is the only way I will get this off my chest. Wound up talking to exactly the one who said this to me. Her reason for saying it was "You didnt even KNOW what you wanted! And you were behaving impossible. Even your mother rolled her eyes!" I thanked her for telling me that about my mom and said I need eyes in front of my head in in back now! And asked her whether she just blew into the same horn as my mother." And told her I would not come back in her store again.

After I hung up though, I saw the situation in yet another light. Did she think it was "rude" the way I was treating my mother by telling her it was her decision about the angel. Did she just treat me the way I treated my mother, because she thought this was impossible? And angry because I treated my mother bad....

Anyway, I am pretty shocked after talking to her. And glad I did. But what to these people EXPECT of me? What the hell am I doing "wrong" here to get such reactions? Or is this really just the "ugly German" I am dealing with. Or am I the one who is a monster?

I am thrown and have no idea how to go on here....please someone reply to this. Cause I am so unsure about all these happenings.

Elke

[prang_out]

hi elke

i would imagine moving from nyc to germany would be a bit of a culture shock.

your story seemed to highlight cause and effect of your actions/behaviour..triggering a re evaluation of the expectations you have of yourself..

im constantly doing the same thing, but i am learning not to grip too tightly to how i am perceived by others because its easy to let that slip into paranoia. i guess part of the reason i cling to negative aspects of interactions like the one you describe is because im aware it could teach me something about myself, like how not to behave etc

have you tried talking to your mum about this?

[Elke.]

True, that is almost paranoia.... evaluating situations so strongly. I was talking about a situation and interpret it while with a friend. It really irritated him and he criticized me about "all this interpreting!".

My motive for doing this is the same as yours.

There were a few years it had stopped. But it was due to being with someone very close to me at the time. He was always on my side - if anyone ever said anything negative about me he would say "Oh, she´s an idiot" or such.

Yes, I talked to my mom, she asked me "Are you going to think about this all day now, or WHAT??!"

What exactly have you learned i.e. how to change this? I really need to find a way to change this ... or you drive yourself crazy.

Elke

P.S. I did write in another post though, that if you have a few really intimate relationships that are stable, then others and what they think just is not that important.