"the Borderline Patient, Great..."

[IanFrost64]

Hi I'm new to this site and I want to say that I've read a lot of the things written on here and it makes me feel better knowing that other people suffer as much as I do. Anyway, let me digress into my problem...

I'm just now coming to understand what my disorder is in it's entirety now that I'm 19 and diagnosed with it. I had always felt alone growing up even when I did have friends. However now that I've been kicked out of my house because I'm a "difficult" person to live with I now live alone. This is worse than I expected. Now that I'm alone alone I feel more fear than I could have ever possibly imagined. In the day time I go to the Coleman Center which is a psychiatric center where they hold groups (It's also where you go to your appointments and whatnot). It's the night that get's me when I'm alone in my apartment. It's maddening and I just want to die. Already it's come to suicidal feelings twice and I've only been there a little less than two weeks. I ended up in something called access where they evaluate you and possibly keep you.

My problem is that they think I'm faking it, these suicidal feelings. I know that borderline people will do desperate things to get attention so I'm not sure if I'm at fault. They treat me so rudely and it's makes me want to die even more. I don't really have a lot of friends where I just moved and I was always under constant attention of someone and that's what I'm used to. But these people treat me like I'm a pest. I read somewhere on the internet about the whole idea of mental health workers dreading borderline patients because there... well... problematic to say the least. And you know what I would have to entirely agree but still I wonder if I am seeking attention desperately... I don't know what to do because I have attemtped suicide in the past but I'm afraid that everyone is going to hate me for calling in about my suicidal feellings or going in to seek help from them. They make me feel like such a fool. I know I shouldn't care about what they think but come on now, I'm borderline for god's sake... I don't know what I'm asking here but if you could give me some insight or relate to me it would be a great help.

Wesley

[Lily-Bee]

Im sorry to hear you are having such a hard time living on your own!

As for people not taking your suicide attemps seriously, do you have a therapist or psychiatrist or CPN or anybody that does take your feelings seriously?? I suggest you talk about it with someone you trust or think you can trust.

In any case I hope you can take consulation in the fact that you are always welcome here and we won´t think of you as a pest or something.

Your night alone in the house must be so hard when you feel so alone and scared!

Are there things you can do that help you? Like rent a movie or have a good book to read and do things like have a warm shower. Anything you can think of that might help you.

Lilly

[Marchmadness]

Hey Ian -

Hard spot to be in, I can hear your frustration. You can't live with anyone because of the BPD, and the symptoms, and living alone

is really lonely. I used to go to one of the outpatient groups as well. They help in keeping structure and a sense of being with them.

At night, you may want to log on here, there are other Americans here who are up late too. Also just may want to keep the tv on

when you try to fall asleep. Also does the group that you go to, offer any type of nighttime groups, either there, or even if they know

of any in your area. Hope this helps, and talk to you soon.

Marchmadness

[Nas81]

Ian,

It's nice to meet you and welcome to the forum. I'm from the state as well (MN). I'm going to be in your situation very soon as i move into my own apartment in october. So i'm very terrified and keep imagining how things will go wrong in my head before i even move in.

I don't know about your financial situation but if you have medical coverage, you can seek treatment from an indivual therapist. Just one on one therapy with a psychologist. See if the center you go to can refer someone, preferably a therapist that specializes in dbt or personality disorders. Also, if you have a computer at home, try to log on whenever u are bored/alone and just chat. I know online is no substitute for real life interactions with people but u never know who you meet online...besides it's a good distraction...If you have hobbies or interests, you can find groups you can join and become a member...Good luck and keep in touch.

[PanickyPolly]

Aw you poor thing. I knwo hwo you feel being alone. I've lived alon for 7 yeas and it's horrific. I never get visitors nad never see anyone nad lying awake at night is horrible. I lie awake at night and wonder if this is it? Willl anyone ever love me, will I ever have kids (I'm not getting any younger) and stuff like that. Not sure I'm the best person for advice but if you'e not happy with the way you're being treated push for better service. that's what I did and it worked. Went through the access team too. I had t push and push and keeep on and on for them to refer me to a psychologis then he turned out to be a slipprly worm of a man so I asked nicely (giving a very strong arguement) to se someone else and they agreed. Just stay strong if you can and stand up for youself. You deserve respect and care.