A Exstenion To My Previous Post But Will Added Info

[NeoDelta]

No one in this world likes me. For as long as I can remember, I have always thought that people are pretending to be my friend. They are all collecting evidence against me. People who say they are my friend are just pretending and are being told what to say by others. People say they do like me but in reality they don’t know one does. They are all conspiring against me. It feels like people have always got to have one better than me. I accused Aaron (hub) of faking it, trying to be more ill than me. Ive accused friends of plotting against me. Like they are talking to others about me, and their friends are telling them what to say to me. When certain friends of mine fall out with other friends, I feel it’s all just a ploy. Like they are all really friends but just pretending they aren’t to me. Sometimes I get scared that they are doing it to hurt me, even my closest friends. I can make friends very easily but keeping them is hard. I get too paranoid that they are just pretending and talking about me behind my back. I attack my friends verbally, saying they don’t trust me and they don’t really like me. Some of my friends have fallen out with some of my other friends, but I feel like im stuck in the middle, I feel like im being alienated by one set of friends because I talk to this other person. I always feel like others are ignoring me, even my friends. I feel they don’t care and that they don’t give a damn about how I am feeling, which they probably do.

I have been having these strange experiences. Like I think to myself that my internet connection hasn’t dropped out of signal for a while and then later on that day it happens. Its like I controlled it, because I thought about it, it happened.

Things are happening to me for a reason, it’s like someone is trying to communicate with me. I feel very suicidal, and there is a lot of death on the TV at the moment, it’s like its telling me I should kill myself.

I have been paranoid of anyone who has ever been nice to me; I always think there is a catch. I am always picking fights with Aaron. I have no relationship with my family. I feel guilty if I do anything for myself.

I feel that someone is watching me through my web cam, and can see everything I type. I have my web cam facing away from me all the time, so that no one can watch me. I am constantly scanning my computer to make sure there are no bugs in the system. It really does feel like a real life big brother.

Since I was about 14 ive had these thoughts that im being followed and watched by people who I feel are something to do with the Special Forces. They are keeping tabs on me watching my every move. I think they have got tabs on my computer and as soon as I figure they are watching me they change things so I feel like im just imagining things. When ever I see 2 men walking around in black suits I instantly think they are watching me, and I get very anxious and just want to hide away.

The voices are getting out of hand, they keep telling me that the people I care for most are dead and that no one loves me or cares about me. They are constantly putting me down, saying im worthless and useless and unlovable. I hate myself and should die, im only here to be hurt by others. I should kill myself, take a razor to my wrists and cut very deep I should let the blood piss out of my body and I should just drain the life from this body. Death is the only option for me and I should do it soon because other wise they will make sure I die. Either way im going to die the voices are continuously telling me that I don’t deserve to be alive. They are constantly commenting on the day to day things that I do in my life and that im worth less and should die. They tell me that everything I do is wrong and that I should do it better say that my brother can do it perfectly why cant I. my brother was always the perfect child. I wasn’t I was the devils child and that I only bring evil into the world and that the world don’t need more evil and that I should die I am unwanted.

I have this constant feeling that im being controlled in some way. When people say things happen for a reason I believe that someone has done something to make those things happen. Fate doesn’t exist; fate is just a cop out. The whole world is being controlled, everything we do is monitored, and when we get close to finding out the truth, they stop us from doing it by getting us sectioned and make people think we are crazy. Maybe we aren’t crazy maybe the rest of the world is. I believe that when we die, we go back to a room, where we talk to someone about our life, and the effects it had, we then decide a different life, and choose everything that happens in that lifetime. When we are born we forget about the room and the life planning and grow up to a new life. People, who say they remember their past lives, are remembering one of their last adventures.

Every time I do something I should be proud of they tell me I could have done it better, that a child could have done what I did and done it better. The voices are a man, woman and child. The child is always commenting on my behavior and that I should be acting like a 22 year old not a 12 year old. I should stop throwing paddies and behave like and adult. The man calls himself Michael and tells me that he will becoming to get me one day and he will do all the evil things ive had done to me. He said he will rape me, beat me and then kill me in a horrific way. The woman who calls herself Davina tells me everything I do is bad and incorrect and criticizes everything I do, she tells me I should do things better, or not bother getting up out of bed in the morning.

Ive started seeing barbed wire wrapped around people I love. Ive seen it around Aaron and my dad. Ive seen images of a man who follows me around the place, he wears a suit and always has an ear piece. I think he is from the secret service and is keeping tabs on me and what im doing, where im going. Seeing this man has confirmed my beliefs that im only here as an experiment and now that ive gone wrong they want to get me back so that I don’t destroy all their hard work. They are scared of being found out and the truth coming out, that they have used people in experiments to test out top secret technology in our brains and see how it affects our day to day life. We are all pawns in their games.

At first I thought that it was all in my head and that they weren’t real but as time has gone by ive realised that they are real and that someone is watching me. They probably are watching me right now. Every time my ears feel like they are burning because I can feel heat I think someone who is invisible is putting needles into my skin. I get odd unexplainable pains that feel like a pin pr*ck. I feel like im being probed. Someone is out to get me, I don’t like to go outside because that’s when they could get me at anytime and take me into a hideaway.

[Lily-Bee]

This must be very scary for you.

Honostly I think these things are in your head. I think you are paranoid and your brain is going haywire on you.

Would you talk to your doc about this??

Lilly

[NeoDelta]

Yeah i will speak to my psychiatrist about it when i see him next.

Ive been reading up on Schizophrenia, and i think i cover the critia for it.

[Lily-Bee]

Really happy to hear you are going to discuss it. I think thats good.

Your psychiatrist will know how to help you with this.

Good luck with it and keep us posted?

Lilly

[NeoDelta]

Thanx I will post as soon as i know something.

Thanks for your help

Neo

xx

[hmmm]

You must be so scared all the time with voices like that. Please let us know how you go at the doctor's. It really does sound more on the schizophrenia side of things. There are good treatments for that. Maybe they will help. :bigarmhug[1]: