I Am So Obsessed With You I Can't Think

[garbles]

I am so obsessed with my ex, but get this 20 years ago! i know, it absolutely ridiculous. Thing is tho' he treated me so bad and we were together for 12 years. I moved on and got married, had 4 children, so wonderful was life. Thing is i could never let go. With this illness, for the last 10 years i have spent all my waking time obsessing how i could get revenge on this lowlife, to the point that it really is not healthy, and really would'nt be for him. I now ignore my life with my hubby and kids, they just get in the way. I even e-mailed him yesterday pretending that i was a hospital and saying that 'he might have HIV'. What am i doing???

[White Healer]

Well.. what are you doing? How did you get his number?

Seems like you have too much time on your hands, if you can spend all your time thinking like this. You have to stop yourself.

Unfortunately, this behaviour will lose you the sympathy vote. You have become the agressor, where as you used to be the victim. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Do the right thing, and move forward with your life. Find something better to do with your time.

[garbles]

Well.. what are you doing? How did you get his number?

Seems like you have too much time on your hands, if you can spend all your time thinking like this. You have to stop yourself.

Unfortunately, this behaviour will lose you the sympathy vote. You have become the agressor, where as you used to be the victim. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Do the right thing, and move forward with your life. Find something better to do with your time.

You are quite right, do have too much time on my hands, but then again am not able to leave the house without having panic and anxiety attacks. So it seemed that joining this site was going to help. I am not looking for the sympathy vote by the way, i was wondering if there was anyone out there who i could relate to, you know, the same kind of problems, just being able to say what i had done without being judged, but i guess i was wrong.

[gingerwoman]

Well.. what are you doing? How did you get his number?

Seems like you have too much time on your hands, if you can spend all your time thinking like this. You have to stop yourself.

Unfortunately, this behaviour will lose you the sympathy vote. You have become the agressor, where as you used to be the victim. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Do the right thing, and move forward with your life. Find something better to do with your time.

You are quite right, do have too much time on my hands, but then again am not able to leave the house without having panic and anxiety attacks. So it seemed that joining this site was going to help. I am not looking for the sympathy vote by the way, i was wondering if there was anyone out there who i could relate to, you know, the same kind of problems, just being able to say what i had done without being judged, but i guess i was wrong.

No I can relate to you and you have my sympathy vote. You were just being honest. You know this is very bad for your kids don't you?

I do relate. I have had revenge obsessions in the past. I have done things when I was younger that were bad. But you have a good life with people that love you. I relate to that too because for most of this year I have been obsessed with some stupid guy on the net that I kind of having a cyber affair with when I actually love my husband and kids SO much but despite that I was obsessed with this guy and letting him treat me bad but I finally feel I am over it. I have not contacted him in about 5 days.

Anyway in the past before marriage I was overwhelmed with the desire for revenge on lovers who had used me.

But now you must focus on the fact you have found love. Be grateful to your husband for loving you and sticking by you. Focus on putting him and the kids first as much as you can. I know it's easier said than done but you must try. You should be on meds too something that lowers obsessionality and take them every day. I think my obsessionality gets worse when I start taking my meds sporadically and forgetting them.

[cheesewright]

Garbles, don't let one response from an unsympathetic character color your picture of this board. There are lots of sympathetic people here who will give all the support that is possible in a forum like this.

My question is, are you in therapy? I think that would help you a great deal, in addition to whatever meds might be prescribed for you. I think going to people who are well versed in OCD issues like yours may be able to help you get through this. In the meantime, please try to stop yourself from contacting this person. He may have treated you badly in the past, but you have to move on. And whatever you do, please try to refrain from contacting this guy in the future. Unless you're really good on the computer and can disguise yourself, he's going to know it's you. You can get yourself in a world of trouble if it continues.

Your husband and kiddies are so important! If you're not in therapy, try to get there for them.

[Vorpalblade]

This behaviour is totally unacceptable and like someone mentioned above you have become the agressor, the bad person.

It really needs to stop. You can't go emailing people like that. If this behaviour continues and escalates you may well

find yourself being arrested and even sent down.

Do you have anyone to talk to about this? If you dont, then how about calling the helpline here?

[lilylalex]

That really isnt healthy. Im obessed with my ex to be honest, but you have to look after yourself and keep from hurting others! Its like youre pursuing a means of self destruction through revenge. I feckin know how horrible it is to feel that someone else is in control of you, the only way ive got round it so far is doing new things that are totally removed from the ex, finding things that i enjoy, i know theres a pull to not do that too, it feels like you just want to feck with the ex n nothing else sometimes but you are destroying yourself at the same time. You must decide! Look after yourself i'd say, there are others in the world for you to meet, though its hard to find the courage sometime, i know it can be done, loads of love n luck. Forget the ex....it takes effort, but its possible, push it away when it comes to you, talk to people you love if u need to, take care xx

[gingerwoman]

This behaviour is totally unacceptable

I think she knows that and making this thread was her first step towards stopping it.

[gingerwoman]

This behaviour is totally unacceptable

I think she knows that and making this thread was her first step towards stopping it.

Well.. what are you doing? How did you get his number?

Duh! She stalked it up. Googled it or something.

[erica67]

Well.. what are you doing? How did you get his number?

Seems like you have too much time on your hands, if you can spend all your time thinking like this. You have to stop yourself.

Unfortunately, this behaviour will lose you the sympathy vote. You have become the agressor, where as you used to be the victim. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Do the right thing, and move forward with your life. Find something better to do with your time.

That is a very judgemental reply, are you aware that obssesions are part of that poor womans mental illness, bpd? and not a choice or anything to do with having too much time on you're hands. She has four kids you idiot, I bet she has less time on her hands than you, at least she's not trawling websites looking for ppl less able to fight back against bullies like you!

Don't you think if she could stop it she would? Ok her actions were silly and i myself don't excactly condone them, I also hope she is seeking help for them because indeed she could get into trouble. But again that's part of the illness and if the guy doesn't have Hiv then a wee bit of worrying after the 12 years of shit he put her through is not excactly that much is it?

Do you know anything about mental illness? we are not always able to take responsibility or have a clue about our how wrong or irrational actions are but ppl with bpd especially will punish them selves worse than anyone else ever can and in some terrible ways. Go and bully someone your own size you coward!

Erica

[erica67]

I am so obsessed with my ex, but get this 20 years ago! i know, it absolutely ridiculous. Thing is tho' he treated me so bad and we were together for 12 years. I moved on and got married, had 4 children, so wonderful was life. Thing is i could never let go. With this illness, for the last 10 years i have spent all my waking time obsessing how i could get revenge on this lowlife, to the point that it really is not healthy, and really would'nt be for him. I now ignore my life with my hubby and kids, they just get in the way. I even e-mailed him yesterday pretending that i was a hospital and saying that 'he might have HIV'. What am i doing???

The man called 'whitehealer'(A bloody joke in itself) who wrote the reply to your post sounds like a total creep. (I apologise to Mentalhealth-world for being personal about this) but this man's made my blood boil. I do no think he is the kind if person who should be on this site, we all have the right to critisize but he was downright nasty. Please, under no circumstance apologise to him. You are ill and my advice to you is seek all the help you can if you have not already, please. Everyone has a right to help. You say you are ignoring your husband and kids as a result of this obssession, this is just part of your illness and I'm sure it's not as bad as you say.

Garbles you have sympathy, understanding and are totally not judged by 99.9 % of ppl on this site, myself included. It's what this place is for, a place to find understanding and feel safe. Not the ignorant judgement you recieved from the 'charming 'Whitehealer'

Keep posting.

Love

Erica

X

[White Healer]

Yeah.. ignore that White Healer.. he's a... ???

wait!

That's me!!!

hmm, I say it how it is.. not tiptoe around. People want to get better, not get hugs all the time.... I hope.

[gingerwoman]

You were just kind of too harsh. It might have been alright actually if it hadn't been the very first response to her thread.

Telling someone they might have HIV is bad but obviously it stems from imense desperation.

However now she has a loving huband she really shouldn't have this desperation any more. It's more understandable for a single person.

That's why I have been so shocked by my the obsession with this younger man. I was having all the same feelings I had from lovers who rejected and played games with me when I was single and I shouldn't have been having them because I actually HAVE that unconditional love and acceptance I've been craving that I did not get from my mother.

I was once again turning to a man like my mother who veered from being affectionate to being nasty and I was putting my marriage at risk for absolutely nothing.

I think the trick for her has to be realising she's no longer that rejected child or abused lover. She has people who love and care and NEED her.

I wonder what age her children are now.

I hope Whitehealer didn't chase her away.

[gingerwoman]

People want to get better, not get hugs all the time.... I hope.

Who says we don't want hugs all the time?

But yeah we get your point telling someone they might have HIV when it's a total lie is bad.

[garbles]

Garbles, don't let one response from an unsympathetic character color your picture of this board. There are lots of sympathetic people here who will give all the support that is possible in a forum like this.

My question is, are you in therapy? I think that would help you a great deal, in addition to whatever meds might be prescribed for you. I think going to people who are well versed in OCD issues like yours may be able to help you get through this. In the meantime, please try to stop yourself from contacting this person. He may have treated you badly in the past, but you have to move on. And whatever you do, please try to refrain from contacting this guy in the future. Unless you're really good on the computer and can disguise yourself, he's going to know it's you. You can get yourself in a world of trouble if it continues.

Your husband and kiddies are so important! If you're not in therapy, try to get there for them.

I was so astounded by the response to my thread. A mixed reaction really as you can see! I know damn well that what i did was wrong, and am the first person to admit it, but i thought honesty was the best policy. Obviously not, everyone is now running around with their head up their arse, being so sanctimonious. But thank you cheesewright for your understanding and support. I know i am ill (i wouldn't be on this site otherwise) and have been trying for the last 10 years to get the proper help i need. I have been drugged up to the eyeballs with anti D's, hospitalised, SHm'd and considered suicide more times than i care to remember. Of course i know how my family are hurting, but am managing to keep this side away from them. Even if i did tell my husband i think he would more understanding than many people on this site. In a way i wish i did get in to trouble with the boys in blue, at least i might get the help i need then. These other people have scared me so much, and i feel now that i am a disgusting, worthless person and should not be allowed to breath the same air as them. love xx

[garbles]

I am so obsessed with my ex, but get this 20 years ago! i know, it absolutely ridiculous. Thing is tho' he treated me so bad and we were together for 12 years. I moved on and got married, had 4 children, so wonderful was life. Thing is i could never let go. With this illness, for the last 10 years i have spent all my waking time obsessing how i could get revenge on this lowlife, to the point that it really is not healthy, and really would'nt be for him. I now ignore my life with my hubby and kids, they just get in the way. I even e-mailed him yesterday pretending that i was a hospital and saying that 'he might have HIV'. What am i doing???

The man called 'whitehealer'(A bloody joke in itself) who wrote the reply to your post sounds like a total creep. (I apologise to Mentalhealth-world for being personal about this) but this man's made my blood boil. I do no think he is the kind if person who should be on this site, we all have the right to critisize but he was downright nasty. Please, under no circumstance apologise to him. You are ill and my advice to you is seek all the help you can if you have not already, please. Everyone has a right to help. You say you are ignoring your husband and kids as a result of this obssession, this is just part of your illness and I'm sure it's not as bad as you say.

Garbles you have sympathy, understanding and are totally not judged by 99.9 % of ppl on this site, myself included. It's what this place is for, a place to find understanding and feel safe. Not the ignorant judgement you recieved from the 'charming 'Whitehealer'

Keep posting.

Love

Erica

X

Thank you Erica, you know sometimes everybody thinks bad thoughts about the people that have hurt them in the past. But how many people actually admit they did, and i just put that thought into action. I know i was wrong, i know i am ill. What sane person would do what i did? I am desperately trying to find the help i need, maybe i am trying to make people realise just how DESPERATE i really am. I feel totally and utterly sick. The people on this site that posted their biased views are really not here to help us become a better person. If i had wanted that response i would have told my husband (i think he would have understood better) and put up with his sane recriminations. Thank you for your understanding, it means an awful lot to me in this dark hour. I really didn't expect to be judged for my honesty, even tho it was an evil thing to do. I now feel worse, as tho i shouldn't be walking on the same ground as everyone else. I also know deep down that i shouldn't have to justify my actions but would like to give you some background. I was ignored as a child, sexually abused by parents boss at the age of 9, and knew that i couldn't say anything as they would loose their jobs, then went on at the age of 12 into that relationship for 12 years, where he took perverse pleasure in hurting me, being unfatihfull to the point it was disgusting, humiliating me by passing on sexual transmitted diseases, messing with my head by accusing me of having other relationships, making me feel that he was doing me a favour. He wanted to go back to college, so i financed everything, yes the whole thing. We moved to states together where he managed to get sponsoured, but of course i didnt have a green card so had to do whatever job i could without getting caught. His answer to this - he arranged for me to marry one of his gay friends so that i could get a greencard and help more with the financial side of things. As you may have guessed, he was very money orientated, and everything had to revolve around him. I distinctly remember standing in our apartment when he started lashing out that i didn't have the body that was required in sunny California, and that i should start sorting myself out. I honestly believed i was gross. When in fact i weighed 7.1/2 stone and then became anorexic. Eventually i let him have it, i was not going to marry his friend, if he was not happy with the way i was then i was going to leave, which i did. His parting gift to me, which he had hidden inside my suitcase, was the bedroom accessory he so desired. It wouldn't have been so bad but when i arrived back at Heathrow, the damned thing showed up on the x-ray machine and so they had to check my luggage. Quite funny, but not at the time! Well just a little insight into my background. Thanks for listening Erica, don't want the sympthay vote just a little understanding. It would seem that i have touched a few raw nerves with the other's on this site. Not sure if i will thread any more, can't bear the hurt. love xx

[Heidi_]

One possibility is that you are eighter very bored or unhappy with your real life, so you are ignoring problems, making them invisible by trying to fix something that is long history.. you are runing away...

you are maybe bored, but if you are bored than you are too focused on yourself, try to motivate yourself by thinking what you are doing to your children with that kind of behaviour, parent self-centredness is really damaging for kids! or even unhappiness, let it be your motivation, responsibility you have towards your family..

i don't think so that your ex is really any important role in this story, even if he had really damaging role in your life, too many time has passed, I believe you are really escaping from happiness, or facing problems and reality, wanting to hurt him after so many time says that you desperatly want to have more, more, more, you want to dominate even more over everything, it is childish response to some unhappiness or discontent....or escaping from accepting personal boundries, so maybe you have in one way stabile relationship with your loved ones, so you are looking for additional drama, because drama means no personal boundries.. and you can't accept that way, this responsibility..

whatever he has done to you, as you already said, he already payed (??! spelling (() and even if he haven't payed you know probably that there is no really way to make revange etc.. to nobody, especially after so many years... so I believe you are looking for drama!!!!

yes, he hurted you, yes, you haven't deserved it, and probably he haven't payed enough for it, but trying to go back, and continue drama means you are not taking personal responsibility for your suffering, because suffering, even though it is sometimes caused by others, and complitely not our fault, it is our responsibility and all suffering is ours suffering, no revenge will ever make your suffering his, ........

i believe that really noone understand my poor english :(

[garbles]

Yeah.. ignore that White Healer.. he's a... ???

wait!

That's me!!!

hmm, I say it how it is.. not tiptoe around. People want to get better, not get hugs all the time.... I hope.

I don't wan't your damned hugs you can stick em up your *****. By the way have you been medically trained to give out that kind of advice?

[gingerwoman]

. Obviously not, everyone is now running around with their head up their arse, being so sanctimonious. But thank you cheesewright for your understanding and support

wtf I thought I'd been pretty supportive. I mean God I said I've done WORSE when I was younger. I was trying to strike a balance for a change and not attack white healer but give him a little understanding too even though I REALLY didn't like his first post I didn't want this thread to become bash Whitehealer central.

I did say that it was obvious that you were ill and would only have done it from a place of complete desperation.

If people knew some of the stuff I did for revenge when I was younger they'd come down on me like a ton of bricks I'm sure.

[garbles]

. Obviously not, everyone is now running around with their head up their arse, being so sanctimonious. But thank you cheesewright for your understanding and support

wtf I thought I'd been pretty supportive. I mean God I said I've done WORSE when I was younger. I was trying to strike a balance for a change and not attack white healer but give him a little understanding too even though I REALLY didn't like his first post I didn't want this thread to become bash Whitehealer central.

Hi, thank you for your understanding. I am in such a mess with regards to some replies. I think it has shown me that whatever goes on in your head, keep it their and carry on with my demons. You see the response i got, I don't really have horns and two heads. I am ill and am trying to find a way of keeping myself safe and my family. If i had decided to climb mt. everest and fall and break every bone in my body, would people react and say she didn't think about anyone else but herself, putting herself in danger, costing the state a fortune for rescuing me. No, they would sympathise and i would need a bloody personal postman to deliver all the 'get well' cards. I am not looking for sympathy just a bit of 'i've been there too' so that i can realise i am not on my own, and that there are people out there murdering and carrying out other heinous crimes because they are ill. I am not looking to murder or hurt anyone physically but you would have thought I had torched his house by the replies i'm getting. I KNOW I AM WRONG. I'm very sorry if i have offended anybody with a delicate nature, but i thought that this site was where it is at. Sorry Ginger, none of this is personal to you and i thank you once again for your backup. Don't know if i will thread again, too traumatic. lovex

[garbles]

This behaviour is totally unacceptable and like someone mentioned above you have become the agressor, the bad person.

It really needs to stop. You can't go emailing people like that. If this behaviour continues and escalates you may well

find yourself being arrested and even sent down.

Do you have anyone to talk to about this? If you dont, then how about calling the helpline here?

You are absolutely right, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE BAD PERSON, the good person is striving to get out. And yes miss, i will stop.

[gingerwoman]

If i had decided to climb mt. everest and fall and break every bone in my body, would people react and say she didn't think about anyone else but herself, putting herself in danger, costing the state a fortune for rescuing me. No

Actually some people on the internet probably WOULD say that! A lot of people will be superjudgemental on the internet because no one can see them.

That being said 98% of the responses to your post were supportive and you are focusing on the one mean one. (((garbles)))

[Todash]

Well, for what its worth....

Sometimes it is just a hug that we need.

[garbles]

If i had decided to climb mt. everest and fall and break every bone in my body, would people react and say she didn't think about anyone else but herself, putting herself in danger, costing the state a fortune for rescuing me. No

Actually some people on the internet probably WOULD say that! A lot of people will be superjudgemental on the internet because no one can see them.

That being said 98% of the responses to your post were supportive and you are focusing on the one mean one. (((garbles)))

Hi gingerwoman, i know where you are coming from, but the mean one's (plural) are the one's that hit you like a bus. You are a good person. I would embrace you if i could. Thanks for being there. love xx

[garbles]

Well, for what its worth....

Sometimes it is just a hug that we need.

Hi Todash, good to hear from you, i take it you havn't fallen backwards off your chair regarding my thread. And a 'big arm hug' sounds positively heavonly. love xx