A Venting Bpd

[Jeeves]

I didn't really know where to post this. I don't want attention and I'm not really in a crisis. I just feel like shit today!! Period. I have no sense of identity and I feel so alone, though I am fortunate to have many people in my life that I could turn to, but I don't want them. I broke up with my BPD hubby about 5 days ago and to be honest I don't really miss him. I find no pleasure in anything and I just walk around doing what needs to be done, but like a zombie. I may even smile or force a laugh, but what no one gets is that it is forced. I feel so empty inside.........just a heart beating without much feeling except for the hole in my chest. I like to numb myself, but the more I work on my bpd the less I can numb. That part sucks. I woke up today and I thought 'hey, you have a mental illness and will never be normal' what a thought first thing. I am rambling......just rambling. Maybe it will make me feel alive.

[Marchmadness]

Jeeves -

You didn't seem to be on a ramble. You have some major changes going on. Feeling numb

is Ok, when you are past the numb feeling you will deal with all of this. And we will be here

if you need to talk. Do you have a therapist that can help you work through the feelings?

Keep posting whenever you need to. Take care

Marchmadness

[Jeeves]

Thanks for the response MM. Yes, I have a wonderful therapist who has really helped me alot....just sometimes things get crazy in my mind and I'm not sure what is true and what is not. I just want to heal...like we all do. I read that if you work hard and have a number of things 'going' for you that you eventually might not show any signs of bpd. Thats what I'm striving for, just seem to have set backs now and then. Again, thanks!!

[Lily-Bee]

We all have setbacks every now and again. I think its good to realize when it happens that its just a setback and things will be ok again.

Lilly

[Jeeves]

Your right Lilly.....the setbacks do pass, but at the time it seems like they will never end. Up down, up down, up down....and so it goes.

[Lily-Bee]

I know and I know how hard it is. And when we feel down it seems like we will never feel better again thats why its so important to remember we will and thats why I said it.

How are you feeling now??

Lilly

[Jeeves]

Lilly I'm doing okay today...thank you for asking!!! I am making myself do things and trying to keep busy. Lack of sleep stinks, but hey you can't have it all and how are you?