A Plea

[sundries]

It makes me ashamed. I feel like a failure - a stain on gods earth. I drive others away with my hatred. Ive become narrow, focused only on how i have been wronged. I am consumed by bitterness and it is horrible and twisted.

I think day and night on the anger. Hate spews out of me. I am narrow and hateful.

I bow my head because I feel my own bitterness condemns me.

Yet still I think ' I DESERVED BETTER> I SHALL NEVER FORGIVE' and my face contorts with anger and disdain.

and if this goes on? My heart and soul, my vision will be myopic. I will have a bitter, hate twisted face. I will die cold and hating and alone. I will have driven everyone away because bitterness is the most unpleasant emotion - self-pity, hate, blame, arrogance and entitlement.

It feels like wormwood in my soul. It is eating away at me, feeding on its own energy. And I feel so helpless, unable to stop the rot.

I really cant bear this.

Please please heal me

[Lily-Bee]

I wish we could heal you but we can´t, what we can do though is help you heal yourself.

What is it that makes you so angry, do you want to talk about it. Maybe we can help you through it.

Lilly

[saphire]

Therapy might help you to vent the anger/hate in a safe way - least that's what I'm trying to do at the mo. But then I think we BPDers are also faced with a huge challenge of learning how to love ourselves - something I think our primary caregivers denied us when we were very young.

[hmmm]

What's making you so angry? Is it your past?

I wish I could make you feel better.

[garbles]

It makes me ashamed. I feel like a failure - a stain on gods earth. I drive others away with my hatred. Ive become narrow, focused only on how i have been wronged. I am consumed by bitterness and it is horrible and twisted.

I think day and night on the anger. Hate spews out of me. I am narrow and hateful.

I bow my head because I feel my own bitterness condemns me.

Yet still I think ' I DESERVED BETTER> I SHALL NEVER FORGIVE' and my face contorts with anger and disdain.

and if this goes on? My heart and soul, my vision will be myopic. I will have a bitter, hate twisted face. I will die cold and hating and alone. I will have driven everyone away because bitterness is the most unpleasant emotion - self-pity, hate, blame, arrogance and entitlement.

It feels like wormwood in my soul. It is eating away at me, feeding on its own energy. And I feel so helpless, unable to stop the rot.

I really cant bear this.

Please please heal me

Oh god, you are so like so many of us on this site. I wonder how many people will see your post and feel as tho they are looking in the mirror. You are not a bad person, but a person with an illness, and that gives us the right to feel this way. Don't beat yourself up every day, go with it, explain what is happening to yourself is through no fault of your own. It is no good me saying to you 'be strong' because we aren't, but acceptance is a good start. We do accept you, you are not a leper, you are understood. Take care and try to face what has made you feel this way, try and open up to us what is eating away at you. hopefully you will spk to me soon. love x