Body Dysmorphic Disorder

[messygirl]

Does anyone else suffer from this or know anything about it? Although not officially diagnosed yet, I have suffered this since a child and feel very much alone sometimes with this disorder, it feels so unrecognised in general by society. I feel I wanted to post this topic on this site because like others who also have bpd and co-existing disorders such as the EDs, I desperately wanted someone to hear me on this one too. This is, I believe a very much misunderstood illness which could easily be mistaken for vanity, poor self image or simply hating ones appearance. I have to say that is not the case, far from it. I have some shocking statistics that most probably wouldnt even believe. This disorder has a suicide rate 45 times higher than the american population according to wikipedia (Im in the UK but thats beside the point), double than that of those who suffer clinical depression, and 3 times as high as those who have bipolar. Without reading anything at all I already knew this disorder is a different complication of OCD, it exacerbates social phobia which I also have, and is probably not much different to those who suffer from anorexia and the like, just that its much less heard of. This disorder has taken over my life and is killing me inside. In its mildest form it may involve a pre- occupation of one perceived defect, in the severest form, people desperately want doctors to remove one or both of their legs. My suicidality is often hard to pinpoint because Im diagnosed bpd, yet so often in my heart I know my suicidal impulses are caused by this disorder too. Sometimes I think bpd is given as a diagnosis when doctors cant fit you into any other category, youre just 'the odd ones out'. Im really tearful now, this disorder is so serious and yet so lonely in itself, Im scared no one will understand me in suffering from this.

[mericols]

Hello,

I think you will find that more likely unfortunately then not you will be understood. I felt chills reading your post. I KNOW those EXACT feelings..Some of my worst days come from the days when I am fixated on a particular part of myself that seems out of place like a complete eye sore. Sorry no other way to describe it at the moment. Although that is not a DX that I suffer from I do think that it is a very highly recognizable mental illness that is sadly affecting many people that does go mistreated. I thank you for writing what you wrote..I don't feel so alone in how I feel now... Mericols

[Lily-Bee]

Im so sorry for your struggle with this. I can only imagine how hard it must be as I dont have it myself.

I know a bit about it though and therapy can help with this. Have you discussed this with your T?

Lilly

[lisa c]

Hello,

I think you will find that more likely unfortunately then not you will be understood. I felt chills reading your post. I KNOW those EXACT feelings..Some of my worst days come from the days when I am fixated on a particular part of myself that seems out of place like a complete eye sore. Sorry no other way to describe it at the moment. Although that is not a DX that I suffer from I do think that it is a very highly recognizable mental illness that is sadly affecting many people that does go mistreated. I thank you for writing what you wrote..I don't feel so alone in how I feel now... Mericols

Hi

I know exactly how you feel!! I'm not quite as bad now I'm older, but I thinks that's simply because I've given up hope and if somebody gave me a load of money I would still end up spending every penny on plastic surgery. When I was younger I was obsessed by the size of my breasts and if anybody made any comment whatsoever about breasts, it didn't matter whether it was derogatory or not, I would be in the bathroom cutting them, it's not like that anymore but it's horrible to remember how I felt at that time. I tried to talk about it a few times in therapy but my therapist accused me of fishing for compliments and wouldn't entertain any further discussion on the subject. That made me feel like shit cause it just wasn't true! It doesn't help that when you try to talk about it you are invariably accused of vacuousness and vanity. I'm sure that there are a hell of a lot of us out here that have this sort of bodily fixations. Take care.

[PanickyPolly]

I wonder if I have it as I see myself as ugly and having a horrible body but men seem to find me atractive so I can't be that bad. Women always have something to say, critisisms but I've never had a man critisise so that makes you think.

[NotaGirl]

You are definitely not alone - its a not an uncommon disorder.

I have the luck to work with people who have this in varying degrees - and although many people dont understand it - as you have noticed, it is actually dealable with and you can work through it.

I dont think its something that is cured in the traditional sense, but you can learn to see ourselfs in a way that is not destructive and degrading, and learn to interrupt the patterns of thought that lead to the destructive cycles.

The biggest first step is realising that you dont see yourself the way you are, and that your self image is unduely negative ... many people never get this far - so big positive step already made.

From there its about taking control - and what that means depends on you and what you need. The fact you see yourself the way you do and think about yourself in the ways that you do has origins and addressing what the trigger is for these feelings and thoughts in terms of their origin is one part, but more importantly learning to take away that trigger effect.

After all we cannot undo what has happened to us, but we can stop cycle that started - and take control of the situation from this point on and for me thats how to successfully overcome and manage yourself.

Its also about taking control of our bodies as well as our thoughts, and people Ihave worked with have found that taking a conscious control of their body through diet, exercise or sports as well as addressing the psychological side can be really positive for them because it gives them back power over themselves and allows them to build up a self image that they like of themselves.

Its a process - and I wish you all the best, I hope you can get a referral to someone who can help you do what you need to do - but dont dispair - because you can overcome it. The very fact you have posted and identified that its happening to you shows that you have all you need to successfully manage and overcome body dismorphism

[Faerielight]

i havbe th.is but i see it as an extention of my ed.. my mother is severely ana and was always so critical of me .. she told me i was obese when i was a size 10 so i have always found that looking in the mirror is like a fairground distorted mirror.

i'm working on it with my cpn though. hugs, ivy x

[hmmm]

I think I have this disorder and it has probably contributed to my eating disorder, which I am suffering from really bad right now. So scared of food. So scared of calories. I feel like a fat cow, but I'm underweight. I can think of nothing else.

[criticalview]

Hello,

If you think your the only one I think this thread has proven otherwise . I am a guy in his early 20's and I also have this problem so I think I belong in a smaller % than you (unless your a guy also then I'm just assuming to much!). I have hips that I think are massive and feminine, if i was a woman I think I'd be stoked but as a guy I just want my legs chopped off. I also have BPD, depression and specific anxiety problems about some really weird topics that I won't go into here. I also feel like drastic things need to be done for me to feel comfortable in my own skin but medically some of these things are impossible without actually causing structural problems to my body so it wouldn't work to well afterward and doctors won't do them!. I still want these things done though. So stupid I know but I can't change the way I feel that easily, I'm trying but. I just want to feel comfortable enough with myself to have a relationship where I'm not constantly thinking about how I'm not good enough and need to break up with her before she does with me to save face! all because of the BDP and dysmorphic disorder perspective, theres always a small amount of truth that then creates our pespectives that then become massive problems!.

I wish you all the best in your recovery hey, you'll all be right!. If we didn't want help to get better we wouldn't be here now would we.

[lisa c]

Hello,

If you think your the only one I think this thread has proven otherwise . I am a guy in his early 20's and I also have this problem so I think I belong in a smaller % than you (unless your a guy also then I'm just assuming to much!). I have hips that I think are massive and feminine, if i was a woman I think I'd be stoked but as a guy I just want my legs chopped off. I also have BPD, depression and specific anxiety problems about some really weird topics that I won't go into here. I also feel like drastic things need to be done for me to feel comfortable in my own skin but medically some of these things are impossible without actually causing structural problems to my body so it wouldn't work to well afterward and doctors won't do them!. I still want these things done though. So stupid I know but I can't change the way I feel that easily, I'm trying but. I just want to feel comfortable enough with myself to have a relationship where I'm not constantly thinking about how I'm not good enough and need to break up with her before she does with me to save face! all because of the BDP and dysmorphic disorder perspective, theres always a small amount of truth that then creates our pespectives that then become massive problems!.

I wish you all the best in your recovery hey, you'll all be right!. If we didn't want help to get better we wouldn't be here now would we.

Hey crit. It must be especially hard to have this condition and be male, at least women have each other to talk to about their body dysmorphia, however, I have noticed a number of men on here who are really unhappy with the way they look and fixate on the physical as a solution to their problems. Maybe it would help you to find other guys on here who are willing to talk about it? Take care x

[coastalbaby]

I've seen that written in my notes. I hate my left arm as it has a scar caused my bitch of a mother. If I don't hide it, people comment. I would think it looks grose if it was on someone else. I spend some days not using that arm, to see if I can get by w/o it. Figured I just need it for changing gear, and my typing would be slower. There was something in a recent edition of Casualty where a woman deliberately got her leg run over by a train. It is all very sad. When it is a part of your body that you hate, you can't get rid of it. It also affects which side I can get to sleep on. I often think I would feel much freer w/o that arm.

[criticalview]

I've seen that written in my notes. I hate my left arm as it has a scar caused my bitch of a mother. If I don't hide it, people comment. I would think it looks grose if it was on someone else. I spend some days not using that arm, to see if I can get by w/o it. Figured I just need it for changing gear, and my typing would be slower. There was something in a recent edition of Casualty where a woman deliberately got her leg run over by a train. It is all very sad. When it is a part of your body that you hate, you can't get rid of it. It also affects which side I can get to sleep on. I often think I would feel much freer w/o that arm.

I actually have never had a problem with scars, I don't think you should either. maybe its connected with a type of resentment towards the one who caused it which magnifies it in your mind. thats how my mind works anyway, I dislike my parents and their life choices to the extent that I have dedicated my life to no living it like theirs. I also blame them for my problems and even consciously when I don't subconsciously I've been told I still do. I mean seriously if your first born died of a genetic defect would'nt you think another serious problem could happen again. sorry, rambling. I'm not going to delete it as it was nice to get that one off my chest.

[SuperTues]

I find this condition tiring and I hate it. Whenever I look in the mirror I see a fat girl looking back but everyone tells me it's a lie and all in my head. Other than my mother who shrugs and tells me everyone has the same problem (she's a recovering anorexic/bullemic so has it too).

[Sorrel]

Yes I have it... I have a list from head to toe of my perceived defects, but a few of them are the most debilitating, and which preoccupy me. I don't even want to say on here what I dislike. I can't say it out loud. Even to my therapist. I figure that if I tell her, I'll only draw her attention to the area and make things worse, because I spend so much time trying to hide myself AND hide the fact that I have a problem with my appearance because if people knew that I was so insecure, they could abuse that and make fun of me, or just spend more time looking at me to watch me squirm.

Hi

I know exactly how you feel!! I'm not quite as bad now I'm older, but I thinks that's simply because I've given up hope and if somebody gave me a load of money I would still end up spending every penny on plastic surgery. When I was younger I was obsessed by the size of my breasts and if anybody made any comment whatsoever about breasts, it didn't matter whether it was derogatory or not, I would be in the bathroom cutting them, it's not like that anymore but it's horrible to remember how I felt at that time. I tried to talk about it a few times in therapy but my therapist accused me of fishing for compliments and wouldn't entertain any further discussion on the subject. That made me feel like shit cause it just wasn't true! It doesn't help that when you try to talk about it you are invariably accused of vacuousness and vanity. I'm sure that there are a hell of a lot of us out here that have this sort of bodily fixations. Take care.

Just wanted to add that, even though I can't come out and just say it for myself which areas of my body I find difficult to cope with, let's put it this way - I relate to what you've written here. I don't feel comfortable saying any more because it's an area of my body that I find so repulsive. It's all mixed up with my repulsion at sexual feelings. And shame and guilt and fear of people looking at me, and being attracted to me, because if they're attracted to me they'll look at me more! And also, they'll have sexual feeligns about me and that upsets me hugely.

Oh my god, I can't believe I just said all that. Despite myself. But it's just SO hard when you don't feel comfortable discussing it in therapy....