lille_eskimit Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 Maybe to have a PD simply means one has a horrid personality, but refuses to admit it, and so hides behind the label of 'illness'...How does one go about getting 'treatment' when you can't quite 'cure' a personality? Maybe all this 'treatment' we're being offered is just another way of keeping us quiet, to stop us from whining that 'nobody cares'...The world doesn't accept us for who we are, and come to think about it, neither do we...even we can't stand being us...Why? Why should be have to stop being ourselves...to stop being different? Why is it us who have to change? Who dictates what's right, and what isn't? The majority? Strength in numbers? Maybe the problem's 'them'! Sorry if this sounds nasty, but I'm feeling low...I've probably posted something triggering now, and will shut up... :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loopylizzie Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 No, I don't believe it means we have a horrid personality. I think it means that every now and then we behave out of character because something triggers a deep, insinctive response, like a cornered predator. Nasty/ evil people wilfully harm others; we hate to hurt or upset others and if we do so we feel as or more upset than they do, and hate ourselves all the more. It's because we get as or more upset as the people we are occasionally horrid to that we need to be the ones that change, as it is ourselves we are hurting as much as others. I'm sorry you're feeling down, but don't think you're a horrid person 'cos you're not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trace Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 I was sitting in deep meditation wondering why I am this "horid" person...I must be horrible because I say nasty things to people at times...it only just occured to me that when growing up I had an adoptive mum whom I now know I didnt like but I loved her, but I felt bad for not liking her and have carried that guilt around with me until this day...I see that I project onto others that I dont take a liking to, my own guilt and act as if they have wronged me!!....so I am not that nasty person I thought I was...I just have a normal range of feelings towards others..if I dont like someone then hey thats ok...but hopefully now I will be able to take responsibitly and own my own feelings of dislikes...its hard breaking a pattern of a life time!...but the rewards are oh so worth it.. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimpy Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 Hi Charme, guys, I totally empathise with your post - that is very much how I am feeling - especially coming to terms with having a 'defective' and 'dysfunctional' personality. The way I feel right now is that I can't hold onto any good feelings or emotions - they just disappear into this abyss within my heart and belly. I find it so hard to be around people because I feel so flawed and unreal in comparison, and a part of me hates them for making me feel that way. I am new here, and just coming terms with things so please no one take any offence at what I might write. Chimpy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 then we behave out of character because something triggers a deep, insinctive response, like a cornered predator. See...This is the bit I have a problem with...'cos all of us have many different facets to our personality...some pleasant, some not so pleasant...but surely all those traits still belong to us, whether good or bad...so how could we act 'out of character'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 I think it only becomes a problem when certain triats of ours start to effect OUR lifes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susanna Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 I agree Lorna. I think if we were all happy with the way BDP affects our lives, then we wouldn't need to change - but I for one, am far from happy and I WANT to change the behaviour patterns that so far have stopped me from getting/keeping the kind of life I want to have. I spent years blaming my unhappiness on my job/my boyfriend/where I live/my family etc etc... when the real problem was ME. It was really hard to accept at first, and I went through a million different emotions; denial, anger, shock....and finally acceptance. And from that, eventually came relief. Relief that maybe, just maybe there might be a way out of this. Until then, my only way out of the misery seemed to be suicide. Anyway, I'm new here, so please forgive me if I'm being a little aggressive with my opinions - it's just such a relief to find other people to talk to who understand!! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 So does this all boil down to the fact that I'm crap? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 Your not crap. You are you Charme. Sure you may have some issues that could do with resolving but hell who doesnt? I dont think you are horrid. I also doubt that you treat people any worse than the next joe. Cut yourself some slack and ignore the crappy name they have given this disorder. Its likely to change soon anyway xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susanna Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 OMG Lille no! god I'm sooo soo sorry If I've said the wrong thing. Right, I'm going to shut the fcuk up now until I know what I'm talking about So sorry If I've said anything to upset anyone.... :huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 26, 2005 Report Share Posted January 26, 2005 I know its hard to realize but you may have had some bad experiences with those with PhDs but they are not all horrid. People do care and I wish you could find a therapist who did not look at you like you have a big fat label stuck on your forehead that is screaming out BPD. I wish you could come to the USA and bring everyone here to seek help because from my experience my therapists look at me like I am a person not some person with a label. You also have to want to help yourself. From talking to you on the forum I can tell you have a great personality. Sure we all have our faults but so does everyone else. The traits that you have, I have, or anyone else here can be detected in those who are not labeled as BPD. I will tell you one thing, you are not crap. Hopefully when you get out of college and making more money and can afford it you can seek a private therapist. If that happens then maybe you can walk in with a blank slate. Don't advertise that you have a dx with BPD or your past history. You are suffering from depression and anxiety. I am not sure how the system works over there but some are ignorant but you can find some who are very helpful. Maybe talk to other people in the UK on this site who have had good experiences with therapists and ask how they went about locating that particular therapist. Don't beat yourself up you are a good person. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 26, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2005 OMG Lille no! god I'm sooo soo sorry If I've said the wrong thing. Right, I'm going to shut the fcuk up now until I know what I'm talking about It's ok...I'm not offended... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinklady66 Posted January 27, 2005 Report Share Posted January 27, 2005 Hi: you are not crap. Don't ever feel that way. Having bpd isn't crap, it's a disorder that tries to ruin our lives. What I am seeing is that the reason why a lot of us have the disorder is because of the way we were treated in our early years. It's the horrible people that were in our early years and the ones who mistreat us in the present. We all bear scars from what was done to us. That's the way I see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tory Posted January 27, 2005 Report Share Posted January 27, 2005 Charme you are a great person. You make me smile loads and u gve really helpful advice. You are also very pretty. We all do things we regret but so does everyone else. We all have issues/BPD but they are just a SMALL part of who we are. We all feel bad loads for doing things or saying things and often they are little things that people forget about. I worried for 3 days bout something i said to someone last week and felt so bad about and when i next spoke to them and apoligised they had no idea what i was on about cos it was such a small thing. Everyone here cares loads bout others and are so supportive so no one here should feel like they are a bad person. i know i still feel awful a lot and so will everyone else but its worth saying ur all great. I not entirely sure that any of that makes sense but nevermind. Take care all tory xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MargaretB Posted January 27, 2005 Report Share Posted January 27, 2005 :hug2: ((((((((((((((( Charme)))))))))))) You're not a crap and horrible person at all. You are a lovely sweet person. I'll second PinkLady66 on this one, what she said is spot on. Try to stop blaming and flaming yourself for things that have happened and look after yourself and your needs. We care about you L'il Love, Magsie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 27, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2005 Ta vewy mooch!!! :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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