Do You Find It Hard To Take Care Of Yourself?

[arwentheelfqueen]

I find it easier to self harm than to take care of myself. I know I need to do things to take care of myself like brush my teeth and exercise and try to do pleasant things like play piano, but I just can't. I can sh, I can struggle to do my work for school, but I just cannot do things to take care of myself. I also don't take as good care of my husband as I would like, like do some chores or make dinner once in a while. I think somewhere deep inside I don't feel I deserve to take care of myself. I feel I don't deserve to enjoy my life, perhaps. I don't know. But I am so frustrated because all I do is work or lie in bed avoiding work, and I feel I will have another breakdown if I don't learn soon to take care of myself. I am so miserable. All I wanted for the last ten years was to be able to work again, and now I can work, but it is all I am doing and I am so miserable. I feel like I am burning out and am spending more and more time lying in bed, avoiding getting up and working. I don't look forward to my days but in fact dread them. I dread working and doing basic activities of daily living (as they would say in the H) like brushing my teeth. Uggh. I am so frustrated. What is wrong with me? I really hate myself because I feel I must be so lazy to be avoiding life so much. I just don't know how to make myself take care of myself so I can feel better and not dread living so much.

[garbles]

I find it easier to self harm than to take care of myself. I know I need to do things to take care of myself like brush my teeth and exercise and try to do pleasant things like play piano, but I just can't. I can sh, I can struggle to do my work for school, but I just cannot do things to take care of myself. I also don't take as good care of my husband as I would like, like do some chores or make dinner once in a while. I think somewhere deep inside I don't feel I deserve to take care of myself. I feel I don't deserve to enjoy my life, perhaps. I don't know. But I am so frustrated because all I do is work or lie in bed avoiding work, and I feel I will have another breakdown if I don't learn soon to take care of myself. I am so miserable. All I wanted for the last ten years was to be able to work again, and now I can work, but it is all I am doing and I am so miserable. I feel like I am burning out and am spending more and more time lying in bed, avoiding getting up and working. I don't look forward to my days but in fact dread them. I dread working and doing basic activities of daily living (as they would say in the H) like brushing my teeth. Uggh. I am so frustrated. What is wrong with me? I really hate myself because I feel I must be so lazy to be avoiding life so much. I just don't know how to make myself take care of myself so I can feel better and not dread living so much.

When i read your message it was like i had written it all down. We all know that we have a certain responsibility for own welfare, but where does the strength come from. I don't have any. And yes, i havn't cleaned my teeth today either.

[Ryan77]

I know exactly what you mean. Like I know I should be taking a shower but it just takes every bit of energy in me to do and I'd just rather not. I feel like the laziest person ever, but that's not it though. I want to do these things, I don't want to be lazy it's just that the depression steals every ounce of energy I have. I don't know how to get out of this rut.

[Vorpalblade]

yeah, i find self-care hard too. i'm almost there on the personal hygiene thing..even got myself brushing teeth 3 times a day and washing hair everyday..tho i will if i can get a way with it just put my head under shower and not my body..makes me feel cheeky and clever if ii do that!

[Lily-Bee]

I have been there too. I went through a stage where I hardly showered.

I must say though eventhough its hard sometimes to make myself shower every day and such it does make me feel better when I do.

Is your work maybe too much for you?? How much hours do you work? Could you work less hours??

Lilly

[Barebones]

ive been at this stage for long while now, which i havent told anyone about, i hardly bath or brush my teeth or do anything for msyelf. my hsuband has to tell me to do it. i just dont have the inclination to do anything for myself. so your not alone hun.

maybe work is taking alot out of you.

[bibiddi]

I'm finding self care the hardest hurdle to overcome.Even getting an understanding, and addressing my anger was easier than this.

If I understood why, then I may be able to address it.

Its not laziness, Arwen said something about not deserving to be clean, which I can understand. I just dont understand why. I'm not sure if something to do with looking after myself, and its a defiant sign of still being angry about having to do that. I hope someone can explain it. I do find my lists help. It tells me to shower and every day I have 2 rooms to hoover and clean,so I keep on top of everything.

Its good to see we are not alone in trying to fix this.

[garbles]

I'm finding self care the hardest hurdle to overcome.Even getting an understanding, and addressing my anger was easier than this.

If I understood why, then I may be able to address it.

Its not laziness, Arwen said something about not deserving to be clean, which I can understand. I just dont understand why. I'm not sure if something to do with looking after myself, and its a defiant sign of still being angry about having to do that. I hope someone can explain it. I do find my lists help. It tells me to shower and every day I have 2 rooms to hoover and clean,so I keep on top of everything.

Its good to see we are not alone in trying to fix this.

I don't think it comes from having too much work to do (at least not on my part), quite the contrary. As soon as i wake up all i can think about is when i can go back to bed. Alot of people, and the professionals have said that i have too much time on my hands and that structure is the key. But i have lost my job due to this illness and nobody in their right mind would employ me. Well done for managing to write lists and sticking to them. Some days are better than others in that i can empty the dishwasher and clear the kitchen, but the guilt of not being able to cook a meal for my family is unbearable, and then i go back to step 1. You just want to feel nothing.

[bibiddi]

Thanks garbles.I live by my lists.

I make sure that everything on the list is attainable.

For example, if I were to do everything on todays list,one after the other, it could take as little as 1 hour.

But if I take my time, and do things in a good way it can take a lot longer.

Also,if its not on the list, then it doesnt matter if I dont do it.

Like you say with feeling guilty about not cooking the meals.If that was one of my struggles, I would have for example, on wednesday, my list would say. In the morning -Buy, Mince, Spag bol sauce, and pasta. Make spag bol for tea.

I would try and keep it simple and attainable.

But I would only do it once a week, until I felt comfortable.

My lists at the moment say clean and hoover 2 rooms a day. Thats what I have worked up to.

It initially said, "open curtains of bedroom and living room,open windows if sunny. Plug in hoover. put dishes in sink."

The next day would be "wash dishes". the day after "would be hoover living room". I started slowly and worked up to what I have now.

I agree with what you said about structure.I think thats what my lists give me.

I love my lists!

[garbles]

yeah, i find self-care hard too. i'm almost there on the personal hygiene thing..even got myself brushing teeth 3 times a day and washing hair everyday..tho i will if i can get a way with it just put my head under shower and not my body..makes me feel cheeky and clever if ii do that!

You are cheeky and very very clever anyway, LOL

[feistymiss]

i liked what was said on here, but i had to laff at the end, at bibiddi, where your signature says:

I have enough exercise trying to push my luck

i thought that was really clever !! LOL

(hope i got it right, in remembering it)

well done for bringing a smile to my face ^_^

[garbles]

i liked what was said on here, but i had to laff at the end, at bibiddi, where your signature says:

I have enough exercise trying to push my luck

i thought that was really clever !! LOL

(hope i got it right, in remembering it)

well done for bringing a smile to my face

Hi Feisty, glad to see you smile. Hugs

[bibiddi]

haha feisty, I love those little play on words. It still makes me smile.

Thanks for reminding me,that I have it on my signature.

[Marchmadness]

Good topic -

Yes - there have been different stages where I have been there too. It is so hard

to take care of ourselves when we are feeling the weight of BPD on us. I love it

when my therapist suggested that I get up each day, shower, eat, and get out, as

if I didn't think of that. Just hard to get to that point. I have to force myself a lot

of days to do just that - get up and face the day. If not I will just stay in bed. Well

lets just say then I put the "mask" on and take care of everyone else.

Marchmadness

[Hartleyhare]

I am so glad to see that i am not alone in this. I find it so hard just to get up in the morning (even with a four year old jumping on me shouting mummy i am hungry) that getting dressed in to clothes that are relatively clean is the best i can manage.

I feel awful at the moment as i cant remember the last time i had a shower or washed my hair, and i know i should do something about it but i dont seem able to.

[shadowman]

oh yes,

i still have to struggle with - taking care of myself.

it isn´t easy and i keep doing things wrong...

[tripper]

I shower and sometimes I might do my hair, but that is about it. I don't cook or clean. Self care is totally beyond me. I feel like a sponge for it. I was told if I didn't live with my husband who is supposed to take care of me, then I would be forced to live in supported accommodation for people with mental illnesses. My level of self care you see is pretty bad...

[Athas]

I have to admit that for me, getting out of bed often is really hard. I do shower every morning and evening and I do put on make-up, these are just the things I have to do because I fear if I won't do them, one day, I won't even get out of bed anymore. But it takes me a lot of self-discipline. I'm lucky to have a job and my studies at university, that kind of forces me to get up every day. But I never cook for myself, I don't use body lotion and even if I had a tub, I probably wouldn't use it. I also find it easier to harm myself than to take care of myself.

Something I did start is drinking tea in the evenings and that is a small step towards doing nice things for myself.

[Elke.]

And I thought I was alone on this one! I have always felt it was burden to take care of myself, clean, shower, etc. It is too much bother.

When I read about BPD, an analyst commented on it and wrote it was "a kind of perversion". (?) I couldn´t make sense of it, i.e. what causes it.

Embarassing when someone tells you to your face that "You stink!" This ever happen to anyone? I ran home and under the shower and washed my hair, determine to make it a daily routine from now on, but never changed.

Elke

[messygirl]

This is a big one for me too, really big. 14 years Ive been like this now, Im so skank but I cant help it, washing and shit just isnt a priority for me. In hospital I was asked if I wanted a shower, and I said no - I thought, do people who are this unwell actually manage to do something like shower?! How is that important when you wanna take your own life. Mmmeh.

[colourfulcarly]

ive struggled with personal hygiene ive got it so ihave a bath and washmy hair on a sunday for church and sometimes i can have a bath during the week but at bad times i simply wash hair on sunday so i look kinda respectable. teeth well my dentist keeps on at me for that but i find it so much of an effort i might do them everynow and again. i have to try to keep my flat running and thats hard especially as i had mess but don't have the energy to clean it up. i feel embarressed about this so i don't tell people everyone thinks i do really well but thats just cos they don't come into my flat. all this stuff takes so much effort that i jujst don't seem to have.

[garbles]

I have to admit that for me, getting out of bed often is really hard. I do shower every morning and evening and I do put on make-up, these are just the things I have to do because I fear if I won't do them, one day, I won't even get out of bed anymore. But it takes me a lot of self-discipline. I'm lucky to have a job and my studies at university, that kind of forces me to get up every day. But I never cook for myself, I don't use body lotion and even if I had a tub, I probably wouldn't use it. I also find it easier to harm myself than to take care of myself.

Something I did start is drinking tea in the evenings and that is a small step towards doing nice things for myself.

Yes, but why is it deemed 'doing something nice for ourselves' as said by CPN. 'a lovely bubble bath' i don't even have the energy to turn on the taps. And no i don't feel any different after having a bath and washing my hair, except that you have to dry yourself which i find incredibly hard, and after washing my hair i can't even brush it. I have been walking around in the same nightwear for nearly a week and the thought of trying to find another one is too much.

Sometimes, around 3.00 am i sit in front of a mirror and take out all my makeup and apply it all, i don't know why, maybe just trying to see the person i used to be.

[sunshine_bear]

Yeah I understand what you mean. I just don't look after my self cares at all. I just dont seem to have the energy to even get out of bed let alone look after myself. Someone usually does end up saying you need to wash your hair get up etc. Thats when someone is about though. So I just dont bother anymore.

[adam_t]

I'm so glad i've seen this thread. It's such a relief to know im not the only person who finds it difficult to take carel of themself. I rarely shower and find it such an effort when i do. Does anyone look at other people and wonder how they manage to go about their normal daily lives? just doing simple things like washing, cooking etc

[colourfulcarly]

i llok at other who work and can't understand how they work and manage the keep a house together and themselves. where do they find the time?