Do You Find It Hard To Take Care Of Yourself?

[kkdsyfunctional]

Hi, I'm just figuring out how to reply. I am not too computer literate so I don't navigate the site well yet. However, yours was the first post I read when I came to the site. I really struggle with taking care of myself too.( Brushing my teeth, taking showers, etc.) And like others I have had to have someone tell me I stink (usally my mom). Before I read your post I was so alone. I thought no one else could possibly understand. I have no advice. I haven't been able to help myself with this yet. I just want to thank you for letting me know I'm not alone and let youknow you're not either.

[undecided]

I know it's been said before, but i find it hard to take care of myself too. I thought i was the only one. I can brake my back bending over backwards for someone else, but i can't do something (like fill in a form, wash my hair, get a drink, get out of bed or house) for myself. If someone else wanted me to do it for them i would. I could post that letter or even spit shine their shoes, but never for myself. I've been conditioned to be a slave. Work to death for others and never think do anything for myself.

[emmylou_1985]

wow, this all sounds so familiar. My house is a tip, if I know someone is coming I will make an effort to tidy a bit. I cannot work because I find it to stressful to look after myself and my child let alone work aswell. Thank you for this post. I don't feel so lazy anymore, just consumed. Em xxx

[arwentheelfqueen]

Wow, I want to thank all of you for writing in. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

Last week I started a stimulant I used to take but which I had to stop because of my movement disorders. My husband feeds it to me while I am asleep and within an hour I have enough energy to get out of bed and brush my teeth. Instead of spending four hours awake in bed dreading brushing my teeth I am able to get ready for school. So this is a huge improvement. The stimulant wears off though and by evening I'm depressed and unmotivated again. I still haven't found the energy to do other things to take care of myself though, like exercise and do anything other than work. But I am glad that I can at least do basic things in the morning.

Has anyone else had any improvement in taking care of themselves?

arwen

[Stezzy]

I'm exactly like this as well. I have a self destructive side that wonders why I should bother looking after myself including eating well. When I'm very low it's an effort to get dressed, have a bath etc. You're not alone.

[doormouse]

and I thought it was just me being gross........

I ahev this whole can't be bothered to shower...cook etc - although I am totally obsessive about cleaning my teeth and can't sleep if I haven't. Just over the last week I went away on a retreat - basically cos I've been having a really shit time, and was too ill to be working, so was off sick - and at the retreat centre, where I don't have to worry about anything (I get my meals cooked for me, someone to listen to me, loads of space, art room to play with....bloody amazing...though can be hard work doing silent retreat!) I managed to shower every evening - and even....wait for it.....use the old moisturiser, because my skin has an unfortunate tendancy to just flake off, which I usually ignore.....I've been trying to do the same since I got back but its so difficult. Last night I did shower and everything, but I didn't get to bed til 11.30, and then couldn't get up this morning cos I felt too lousey, so was horrendhously late for work blah blah blah..................whats the point of feeling a bit nicer to go to sleep when you still fell like crap in the morning?!

I don't know....I work in a flippin' hosptial - I am supoosed to be clean - and you will be pleased to know that my hands are immaculately so! But even if I managed to wash and everything, I only have so many work clothes that I can leave the house wearing, and there just aren't enough for the whole week, so its the whole "which is clea-er?" issue...

Apologies...slight ranting feel to this post.....bit of a crap day - but I'm sooooooooooo relieved someone brought this one up!

Mousex

[arwentheelfqueen]

Does anyone feel guilty for having these problems? Or have other people make them feel badly? My office mate is not understanding at all of mental health problems (not that I've told her about mine, but she has made insensitive comments that have hurt and I worry she suspects my problems) and can't understand that I never wash my face. It doesn't even occur to me to wash my face. It makes me feel badly when I don't brush my teeth. And I feel guilty for not helping my husband with any chores to take care of us. Can any of you do some functioning things, like work, but can't take care of yourself? I'm barely able to work, but I can, but activities of daily living totally elude me, except now I can manage in the morning with my stimulant. And I've had too many doctors to count tell me to exercise every day for so many of my health problems and I can't remember the last time I exercised. I'm about ready to give up on trying so hard to take care of myself. Maybe I just can't and should give up.

Is anyone else frustrated?

arwen

[ktodee_27]

Definitely here for me to its hard to take care of myself. Its like pulling teeth to get me to take a shower, brush my teeth, etc. I dont even do those things everyday at all. Like every 2 and sometimes I'll go a week without it all. I saw this thread and I was like, "Wow! People have the same problems." as well. Glad to know Im also not alone in this.

[Saharah Blue]

Taking care of myself is a struggle for certain

I shower every other day and that is only because I have a job, left on my own it takes several. Brushing teeth is the same, I have tried to make it easier for me by keeping a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse so I can do it wherever I go, but this still doesn't help.

Things that I have found to help me:

1. Wanting to impress a loved one and win their approval

I use to have a house keeper back when I could afford one and that helped make up for where I lacked. I am really organized, everything has a place and everything in its place, otherwise it goes in the bin - this is key when I am cleaning my apt. makes it approachable because I can go on auto to get things put away and tidy. I look at this way, if I were to die, would I want this thing/object for someone else to consider as important to me - would I want them to think that it might have been important to me? I already feel so misunderstood in life, I don't need to be misunderstood in death as well.

I struggle with the real cleaning though - the floors and bathroom are gross, a month after me and my bf stopped talking and I just barely addressing the place tonight. The only reason that has happened today is because I talked to my previous ex on the phone for the whole of the afternoon, when I got off I felt so loved and reassured that I was a good person that I wanted to prove it to myself and him, even though he would never see it, that I could live like a normal person.

2. having hope for life.

the times I have hope, no matter how small or for whatever reason it may present itself, I take advantage to use the energy and care for myself even if it is only small, my attempts to make the feeling last as long as possible.

3. hating my situation so much that any effort has to be an improvement. Sheer disgust with myself can sometimes motivate me to care for myself. Only when not caring about me has gone on so long I even can't stand it.

My sis lived with me a short time when I was at university, she commented often, how it was amazing that I could pull off looking clean. She said that if someone didn't live with you they would have no idea how much you faked it.

So I fake it, my attempts to be acceptable. but the point here is how to make it real and sustainable.

Sah

[colourfulcarly]

fakin it yes i think thats how i've managed this so far without to much problems. i can't remember the last time i cleaned my teeth and i think it was a week ago i last had a bath but i always seem to look presentable.

i try to make sure i have a bath every sunday but that doesn't always happen so if i don't i usually just wash my hair it then looks nice but with half the efffort. its not just personal hygiene but also house work too my flat looks like a bomb has hit it i hate to look at it but just can't seem to do anything about it. i don't think ive changed my bed sheets in over a month could be 2 i love the feelin of clean bed sheets but its too much for me to do it myself. i feel embarressed to bring this up to anyone i know cos i feel dirty for it. if someone comes round i usually just hide things so it look persentable so i don't look like a total slob

i feel dirty but i just don't have the energy to do more. guilt is in there too guilt that i don't do more

[pink1]

Yeah I find it hard to shower and do all the basic things, prefering to sit in pajamas all day unless I have somewhere to go, I'm also somewha of a hermit, I only do 23 and a half hour shifts a week and one afternoon volunteering.

But if I'm going thru a good patch I find these things easier.

x x x x

[erica67]

I find it easier to self harm than to take care of myself. I know I need to do things to take care of myself like brush my teeth and exercise and try to do pleasant things like play piano, but I just can't. I can sh, I can struggle to do my work for school, but I just cannot do things to take care of myself. I also don't take as good care of my husband as I would like, like do some chores or make dinner once in a while. I think somewhere deep inside I don't feel I deserve to take care of myself. I feel I don't deserve to enjoy my life, perhaps. I don't know. But I am so frustrated because all I do is work or lie in bed avoiding work, and I feel I will have another breakdown if I don't learn soon to take care of myself. I am so miserable. All I wanted for the last ten years was to be able to work again, and now I can work, but it is all I am doing and I am so miserable. I feel like I am burning out and am spending more and more time lying in bed, avoiding getting up and working. I don't look forward to my days but in fact dread them. I dread working and doing basic activities of daily living (as they would say in the H) like brushing my teeth. Uggh. I am so frustrated. What is wrong with me? I really hate myself because I feel I must be so lazy to be avoiding life so much. I just don't know how to make myself take care of myself so I can feel better and not dread living so much.

Hey

So there with you. Gone for days doing nothing and totally neglecting my personal hygeine, easier to do than make the effort. After day five I could smell myself! and knew I had to go out, the dreaded going out, so threw myself in the bath. Having a shower might help, joking here. Avoidance avoidance all the time then you've got 5 mins to get your arse in gear when you actually have to do something. Have been in my jammies all day and kids did the shopping. Unwashed and unbrushed but I am cooking the tea. Will have that damn bath later as tommorow is the day I start sorting my life out, honest! I've written plans. Good at the writing part.

Erica

X

[M1NUS]

I can shower and brush my teeth in the morning so long as I'm on a schedule. Otherwise it's a pain to bring myself to get around to it.

That's not my big problem though. For me the worst part is cleaning. My room is always a pig sty, my trash can is overflowing and I've taken to just throwing empty tea containers and coffee cups on the ground. I'll also keep re-wearing the same clothes because doing laundry is such a dreadful task. My duty in my house is to clean the bathroom (I have two roomies so we're each responsible for different tasks) I might go weeks or months without cleaning the bathroom. I also let bills pile up on the kitchen counter (unopened), the stuff usually doesn't get paid until I get threating phone calls about past due bills.

[dpb]

I let my standards slip

Its only if I have to go out and meet people that I make sure my hair is in the right place, well shaven, clean clothes etc. Im paranoid about people on the street being able to see through me so i try to look as normal as possible. If i dont go out then im happy to sit around in old clothes and grow an afro...

[Little]

I've been there. There was a period of my life I barely ever showered, and I felt like I was carrying a cat on my head I shower now everyday but cleaning and everything else is still really hard. Sometimes it's hard just getting out of bed.

[fredy]

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one!!!!!

I shower when I really have to, I've recently started seeing someone, so will make the effort to shower before I see them, but if I know that I'm not going to be seeing them then I don't bother. My mum has told me several times that I smell, so I just use more deodrant and perfume. The stupid thing is that when I do get in the shower i really enjoy it.

My house is a tip, it is only the fact that my mum does my and my son's washing that we have clean clothes. I think that it is now at leat 6 weeks since I last hoovered, as for changing bedding...............I know I've done it at some point.

I bought some expensive moisturiser a couple of weeks ago, but other than the first day that I bought it, i've not been able to bring myself to use it.

[garbles]

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one!!!!!

I shower when I really have to, I've recently started seeing someone, so will make the effort to shower before I see them, but if I know that I'm not going to be seeing them then I don't bother. My mum has told me several times that I smell, so I just use more deodrant and perfume. The stupid thing is that when I do get in the shower i really enjoy it.

My house is a tip, it is only the fact that my mum does my and my son's washing that we have clean clothes. I think that it is now at leat 6 weeks since I last hoovered, as for changing bedding...............I know I've done it at some point.

I bought some expensive moisturiser a couple of weeks ago, but other than the first day that I bought it, i've not been able to bring myself to use it.

You can see by the response that you are not alone, don't beat yourself up. I bet you make sure that your son is clean tho, again we just don't think we are worth the effort.

[yorkiegal73]

sorry to resurrect and old topic but this struck such a chord with me. In all the years i've lived alone i have never managed self care. I've been in this flat for 8 years and the only people to come in were the gas man two years ago, the paramedics and my named nurse when i came home to pick up 6 months of unopened mail. I have one saucepan (unwashed for 6 days) but at least 20 saucepan lids in the cupboard because i throw things out rather than wash them. There are times when you can't see the floor in the living room. I can go weeks or even months without showering or brushing my teeth. I just spray some deodarant and eat some toothpaste. I can just about manage to stick my head under the shower to wash my hair once a week. I never wear skirts because that would mean shaving my legs. I wear the same t shirt and leggings around the house all week. The walls are half decorated where i've suddenly gone out and bought 10 homestyle magazines and some pots of paint, then given up before i'm finished. The only time the place has been remotely tidy was just before i was hospitalised. I felt so guilty at the thought of people seeing how i lived that i threw nearly everything out and tidied non stop for three weeks. I've done nothing since i got home last week and the pile of diet coke cans, newspapers, biscuit wrappers etc are starting to spread out from the sofa again. The only thing that wants to make me tidy up now is the thought of the bailiffs who will be coming shortly, although i have at least managed to get an appointment with the c.a.b tomorrow so fingers crossed that can all be averted. Like someone else mentioned, if i had to do all this for another person it would be no problem at all.

[Tray]

i'm getting into not bothering with hygiene, my bf has to moan at me too shower sometimes, and clean my teeth, i have always had an obsesion about cleaning my teeth, and now i have to force myself to do it twice a day, but i know i have to look after them cause i already have sum damage from my GORD condition...i should actually be in the shower now...butv i'm not

[InterruptedHappiness]

Yer it really irritates me because people see it as laziness they dont see it as part of the disorder my boyfriend gets really angry at me cause im awful at cleaning clothes but im just like "whats the point in cleaning clothes to wear to make urself feel better when you feel so low anyway" and bathing is another serious thing for me because thats when im more proned to sh. This post sent shivers cause It was like..wow how do you know me?