Harming Others

[mazer34]

I keep getting the urge to harm people,like crash my car into other cars or I feel like walking down the street and shoot people. This really scares me as Im scared I will act upon these urges. They are always in my head everyday and I cant block them out. Its like I change into someone evil when I get these thoughts. Am I plain evil or am I this way as Im mentally ill or something,Im seeing my CPN on wednesday so I dont know if I should tell her or not ? When Im in meetings say the Gp or CPN,I feel like attacking them. I dont want to get locked up in the loony bin ! Anyone else get these horrible thoughts ?

[PanickyPolly]

OMG yes frequently Really violent, graphic thoughts.

[AndyL]

You should absolutely tell your mental health professional. They can prescribe you a medication that can help you limit these urges.

[rachel100]

I have had them before, and I get them bad with my cpn.

I very much doubt they would lock you up for your thoguhts!

If you tell your team they can keep themselves safe and help you not worry.

I know mine comes from anger from situation when younger, it isnt for me psychosis or anything, it is very scary when they occur, and if you havent told your team it can disrupt communication because of spending whole time trying to stop something from happening.

Rachel

[PanickyPolly]

I must say I don't agree with taking meds for it..much better to get to teh root of what's casuing it and explore it through therpay. Meds could make it worse. It's also a form of OCD I believe. Great cure for that is CBT.

[Warrior Princess]

I keep getting the urge to harm people,like crash my car into other cars or I feel like walking down the street and shoot people. This really scares me as Im scared I will act upon these urges. They are always in my head everyday and I cant block them out. Its like I change into someone evil when I get these thoughts. Am I plain evil or am I this way as Im mentally ill or something,Im seeing my CPN on wednesday so I dont know if I should tell her or not ? When Im in meetings say the Gp or CPN,I feel like attacking them. I dont want to get locked up in the loony bin ! Anyone else get these horrible thoughts ?

Thoughts often seem to have a mind of thier own. If you don't entertain them they soon get bored and stop haunting you.

I use to get these thoughts but not as frequently now. I'd have the ol "crash your car" thought, "drive it into a bus" etc. I've even had "run over that kid on the side of the road" which is extremely confusing and troubling for anyone who is non abusive to feel. I also sometimes get the urge to hit my daughter over the head with the back of a brush when I'm brushing her hair and she's doing nothing wrong. It's a terrible thought and I hate it.

I'll tell yuo what I did to try and over come them. When driving I engage in self talk. I ground myself and I try to push my thoughts into rational mind. Self talk such as "I'm not going to do that, I don't want to hurt others, I'm looking straight ahead at the road, I'm going straight forward, I'm in control of the car, I'm in control of my thoughts" etc. Grounding such as "I'm sitting in this chair" (feel the chair beneath you) "my hands are on the steering wheel" (feel the texture of the steering wheel beneath your hands).

You're not evil for having these thoughts because many patients do have them so don't feel 'bad' or ashamed about them. They most likely stem from abuse in your life and programming to feel this way. It's not your fault.

It may be very hard to tell yoru health care professionals. There is a huge degree of trust involved in sharing that kind of information. It's scary. I remember when I had my daughter I had a terrible urge to throw the baby across the room. I was in the hospital and she had just been born. I put her down in her crib and refused to pick her up til the urges went away but was terrified to tell the nurses for fear they would take my baby away forever. I knew nothing about post natal depression which I'm sure they would have understood.

The mere fact that you are tellin someone shows that you do not want to act on those thoughts. It's an act of peace proving that you are trying your best to overcome them. I dont think they will lock you up for the thoughts but they may be able to help them. There are meds to help them but the best way to help them is the power of your own will which is stronger than the thoughts. I'd consider all options.

Another thing you do is outwardly reject the thoughts. If you're in the car alone you can say aloud "I just reject that thought" If you with people you can say it in your own head. Take power over the thought or I like to think of it as taking captive of it. Arrest that thought and throw it in your inner jail cell where it belongs.

Paine.

[Warrior Princess]

Just wanted to add, you could also try the conveyer belt thing. Picture a conveyer belt in your mind that's constantly moving. When you get a troubling thought like that mentally place it on the conveyer belt and watch it just move out of sight and over the edge of the belt.

Other visualizatins that work is making the thought into a leaf that's on a moving stream and watch the thought drift out of sight, or imagine it's like the closing credits of a movie that move up the screen and away. Like any skill it's good to practice this even when not having troubling thoughts. Practice just letting every thought drift by and see how it feels, that way when a troubling one comes you will be in good practice.

You can also imagine you are a fish with a two second memory. Think of that little blue fish in Nemo! It's not really possible for us to forget entirely but if you keep consistantly letting those thoughts go they will eventually give up trying to come into your mind.

PW

[Marchmadness]

mazer -

I would suggest that you do talk to your doc about what you have been thinking.

They should be able to help you get to the reason why these thoughts are there,

and what is triggering the thoughts. Can you explain when you get these thought,

is it when someone challenges you, you get angry, annoyed, or just anytime?

Marchmadness

[mazer34]

thanks for the replies folks,I thought I was going mad ! It just feels like built up emotions and I cant let them out.I feel this way nearly all the time,its horrible.I cant go near hammers or knives etc.

[sundries]

you could try saying

'im angry' everytime one of these thoughts pop into your head, and hten you oculd concetrate on identifying what you are angry about - which isnt easy. sometiems these images are ways our brain uses to convey emotions in picture form to us

[Stezzy]

Hiya, I can relate to this. I have intense rage inside me all the time. I agree with the others that it is important to tell your CPN - s/he will respect the fact that you were able to deal with this and I very much doubt they will lock you up for that. It's best to tell someone as soon as possible before the urges become potentially worse. Good luck.

[mazer34]

thanks,I told my CPN I had thoughts against my children and got the social worker at door for it being a child protection issue,I did say it was only a thought in my head,no way would I ever hurt my children.Social worker says they are not at risk so that was good.The social worker had to tell my hubby about it in front of me but he took it because of what I was feeling at the time,pretty low etc.He was understanding.Its worse when your sitting infront of the GP and you want to hit him but know you cant,its the urge to do it ! I was meant to see my CPN today but she changed the appointment to next week,trust her !!

[Barebones]

in my younger days i had those urges and i did act on them. i got into alot of fights because of my hatred and anger.

im on meds which help me alot with the urges and so on. so i would suggest you seek some help hun.

[mazer34]

my meds Im currently on is

60mg duloxitine

50mg qutiapine (cant spell it)

I think this is quite a low dose but they wont up them

[Ocean Wolf]

I have thoughts of harming people. When I was fifteen, I wanted to shoot up my high school. When I told about it, I was put in a psych ward and put on drugs. That was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Not trying to make you scared. Just trying to point out that medication isn't for everyone. For me, psych drugs were really really bad.

[Barebones]

do you know why they wont up them?

[mazer34]

they,the mental health team say it wont do me anymore good having them increased,my psych is not one for treating you with drugs I got told of my CPN ! Thats just brillant news ! NOT ! She said giving me more meds is only a sticking plaster to the problem whatever that means ??? My GP wanted to increase the meds but cant go against the psych man.

[Barebones]

thats a pain. maybe they could suggest somthing to help with your anger and urges via counsilling instead. it might help. sry ive got no otehr suggestions.

[Ocean Wolf]

I think the idea is to treat it with both drugs and therapy. A lot of people have the opinion that relying too much on pills is a bad idea because it's not dealing with where the issue is coming from. Psych people seem not to have figured out that balance because...

This can turn out that some people don't get the medication treatment they need or...

Some people had or have psychiatrists that just push pills when pills don't help and we end up worse than before.

[mazer34]

Im in councelling just now,but she says there is no such thing as BPD ! Every time I mention the personality thing she tuts ! On other stuff she is very good so I dont discredit her work with me.She is a CPN to trade of all things.She hates people on meds too,she says they are harmful to your body. :o

[Ocean Wolf]

Well, they can be. It depends on the person and whether it's worth it for you.

You could list off the things you need help with every time the subject comes up instead of calling it BPD until she decides it's easier to say BPD. lol Not sure if that would work or not.

[mazer34]

I told my CPN and she just said to put away the hammers etc out of sight,but I see the kitchen knifes every time Im in the kitchen ! :blink:

[tripper]

mazer as strange as it sounds I am glad I am not alone with these thoughts. I have acted upon mine though and now it is to the point I am no longer allowed firearms near me at all in case I decide to pick one up. Nor am I allowed knives. All the carving and butchers knives are locked away with hubby having the only key. This is all because I tried to stab him once too many times. My family once told me that it has gotten to the point that they turn on the TV news and expect to see a massacre that I am responsible for. Sad I know.... :(

[rachel100]

Hi

You may find it helpful if the knives etc were locked away and you didnt have a key. I know to be practical you may still need to keep one small sharp one out, but if you can reduce the number it may ease the pressure a bit.

I am a bit worried that your counsellor is expressing their opinions re BPD in that way.... Can someone really help you if they are unwilling to deal with the whole person???

Can you get respite at all? My anger or feelings of rage increase when I feel my needs are not being met? I wonder if there are soem you feel of yours that are not being met?

Take Care

Rachel

[mazer34]

what does respite mean ? sorry for sounding a right dunce ! :unsure: