Nil By Mouth **trigger**

[rachel100]

Hi all

I am in a catch 22 as I am not allowed to be prescribed any meds because if I have any I will overdose. So for several months now I can have a diazapem tablet on tablet per tablet basis if I go into my gp surgery and take it under supervision. This means if I am driving I cant have one, I cant have it after 6pm or on weekends as the surgery is closed.

There are no options for home delivery and to have it whilst supervised at home.

Seems to be a lot of people are od on their meds but are still being prescribed them.

I told my gp the other day this is not working for me, but acknowledged that if I had them I would od, and he said he was concernded aboutme having benzos as they reduce? brain function. I told him that was the whole point as I was using them to survive and not top myself. He asked me to speak to my therapist about it.

So now I am self medicating using alcohol.

Doc asked me why I dont overdose on over the counter meds, I said I have doen, but do not want to end up in a half vegetative state, the point was not to exist anymore and I didnt know how much I would need to take, I said I have tried to find out.

So I am having therapy to sort out the underlying issues and DID, have no meds to help, and CMHT and CHRT have one script which I know by heart so no point in even speaking to them.

Everyone just says I cant do that, or I can t provide that service. I accept it is my fault re meds and my responsibility but they expect me to be managing as though I am several years into my therapy and I have hardly begun the real process. If it is all my fault to this extreme then it must be my fault I have a problem in the first place. I must have chosen to be neglected and abused.

[tripper]

rachel, your story saddens me, it really does because it rings so true in my book also. I am not allowed to have too many meds at one time, I am given only a weeks worth and then only a few days worth of thorazine at any one time due to my overdose history and current risk. I too am self medicating using alcohol until fairly recently when I was put unwillingly onto a treatment programme for alcohol dependence and started on naltexone injections.

Long term use of benzodiazepines does indeed cause problems and may interfere with normal brain function. The worst thing about them however is the high risk of addiction and the terrible withdrawl that comes along with detoxing from them.

Is it possible that you are able to have your meds issued for a week or even a few days time at once? Talk to your doc and your pharmacist about this option. It could prove worthwhile.

[rachel100]

Is it possible that you are able to have your meds issued for a week or even a few days time at once? Talk to your doc and your pharmacist about this option. It could prove worthwhile.

[will_i_ever_be_better?]

someone i know picks their meds up on a daily basis. Its physically impossible to OD then. I know someone else who got them every 3 days and until recently i got mine every week, now its every 2.

[Vorpalblade]

frustrating, but basically they are covering their own backs.. i mean if u wanted diazapam that badly you could get it from many places.

[Joshua]

bladey tut tut NO

Rachel

Speak to you gp about giving you a small amount to get u through the weekends but a non lethal dose

this should be a compramise