The Son I Long For

[Lance]

Hey peoples....

I was going to create a normal topic about this, but I decided to channel it into poetry instead. It really is something that I deal with every day. I don't want to say any more, hopefuly it will do the talking. Depending on who you are, some parts may be upsetting, but probably not.

The Son I Long For

I saw his face today, I'll see his face tomorrow.

Just being there beside him is enough to sooth the sorrow.

He fills me full of strength, my will to carry on.

I feel so warm inside, so proud that he's my son.

Offering me his smile, a smile that's always free.

I tell him how I love him, he says the same to me.

But he's just make-believe, however real it seems.

He's simply just a fantasy, no more no less, a dream.

Reality is cruel, never offering a way.

A chance at reaching happiness is all I ever pray.

A family of my own, now seems so much to ask.

The things that are required, I simply do not have.

Sexuality is one thing, fantasies another.

A constant fucking struggle, don't know why I even bother.

The tool I need to work, so small it fails to fit.

So many many problems, I'm yet to find a fix.

But problems slowly fade, I begin to think of him.

The little guy inside of me, returning once again.

I wish that I could see him, even for a day.

I'd hold him in my arms, whisper "it will be OK".

We'd make the most of time, knowing it will be our last.

Soon we say goodbye, the present turns to past.

Once again a fantasy, no wonder why I cry.

When he finally fades away, a part of me has died.

Reality is cruel, it hits me once again.

Everything I dream of him seems stupid and insane.

I sit here feeling cheated, start questioning myself.

Is my love for the right reasons, or aimed at something else?

Can't bare the thought of harming another childhood soul.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?", no one replies at all.

I'm simply left to wallow, getting harder to believe.

The son I've always longed for, no more than just a dream.

I saw his face today, I'll see his face tomorrow.

Just being there beside him is enough to cause the sorrow.

So that's that. I hope you can feel my emotions. Sorry about the foul language. Comments more than welcome.

Peace, Lance

[Lance]

Sorry, I was suppose to add that this is kind of a sequal to my previous poem, that's why it's written in the same mannor. Although different subjects, it flows into it. So if you haven't already, please read my last one too. Cheers guys.

Peace, Lance

[ramfan007]

I love it lance, I know exactly how you feel

Take care mate

Ram

[Faerielight]

i love it too.. its like you are talking to your inner child and longing for a family too.. i yearn for a family.. i hope your wish will come true, hugs x

[Lance]

Thanks a lot for the comment bluebell. I guess it is an inner child in the sense of it being completely in my mind. But the kid himself isn't me. Some people have imaginary friends, I have an imaginary son. Kinda sad really. I've got myself thinking now....hmm.

Peace, Lance

[fredy]

I found it peaceful, sensitive and a little sad. I feel for you that you think that you may not achieve something that you really want. I don't know your reasons as to why you feel likr this and i'm not going to pry. It really did touch me.xx

[Lance]

I found it peaceful, sensitive and a little sad. I feel for you that you think that you may not achieve something that you really want. I don't know your reasons as to why you feel likr this and i'm not going to pry. It really did touch me.xx

Thanks fredy. I'm glad people are "feeling" it. If you ever wanted more info, I've put links to my topics in my signature. Not sure what else to say... been a bit short of words today Thanks again though. Appreciated

Peace, Lance