20 And Dealing With This For Years

[lorenzohsays]

sorry... just, a rant. i suppose its a rant secretly asking for advice.

i'm 20. 20 fucking years old. i live on my own, i moved out young, i've traveled, i pay for school, i have a good job, i have good friends, and still... its not enough.

i've been dealing with my diagnosis for two years. i'm on meds, i have DBT work books, i have a therapist and a psychatrist at a local GLBTQ center - whom with out - i don't know where i will be.

when--- when will i feel better? when will these flair ups not exist? when will i have my issues worked out?

give me some hope, because i'm losing it. cant discuss this with my friends... it seems to broad to them, too sensitive to them, they cant understand it. hell, i don't - so i don't expect them to say much.

the trigger at the moment... is being rejected by some one i am interested in. some one who got physical with me knowingly they wouldn't have things progress, some one who seems to enjoy my company but isn't interested. i've done the same.. i've slept around, enjoyed the friendship and sexual chemistry, but wanted nothing more. instead of being rational, my head is spinning and i want to throw up. my emotions are haywire.

this, is such shit. such fucking shit.

[Lily-Bee]

Yes there is hope, there is always hope.I have seen many people here that have felt that their lives have gotten better and got a grip on things, I am one of them.

I was wondering, it seems that right now you are having a really hard time with rejection so maybe you are seeing everything in dark light right now.

I wonder if you look back you might see you have made improvements already. try and think about what things have helped you so far, what you have learned, what copingskills you have learned etc

You might see that you are already better off then you where.

Im sorry you got rejected. Its an unfortunate thing that I think happends to all of us at some stage in life.

Its ok to be sad and upset about it but do remember it will pass, it will. Have you been rejected before?? And you got over it right?? Do you remember what things helped you to get over it??

Lilly

[Warrior Princess]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Not trying to "out do you" but I just want to say... I'm 40 flaming years old! I feel like where did it all go? is it wasted? Not really. Everything I've been through in the last 40 years has shaped me, taught me and made me who I am today. Maybe that's not where I would prefer to be but it is who I am and not all of it is bad. Because I've suffered I have empathy for others who suffer and a desire to help them. Even though what you've been through is terrible... try looking at what you've gained from it all.

I've been in therapy longer than 2 years but I remember after two years I had the same questions you did. When will I see any light? when will I get even slightly better? is there any hope?

I've had about 6 years of therapy now and I'm seeing change... dramatic change. it didn't all come at once and it was a very hard journey but I'm slowly getting there. it may take 6 more years to "arrive" or maybe I will never "arrive" but I have seen so much progress. You will too in time.

I pray this gives you some hope. There isn't just light at the end of the tunnel... there is light IN the tunnel.

Paine.