For Crying Out Loud, I Can't Possibly Be Bpd !

[Sheza]

Oh come on. I know I've ranted off about this before so I think I'll rant off about it again. Most of the women I know with BPD can't keep their legs closed for more then 2 days and will shag anything that moves (and start cutting themselves up and hating themselves the next day) whilst I'm a 27 year old male v**gin who doesn't know how to hug and has never kissed on the lips before.

I mean what in phucks name is going on here?

Yes, I've heard from plenty of adult v**gins on this board but they all seem to be aspergers cases who all seem to be totally comfortable anyway (I have a room in a shared house and one of the housemates is aspergers, he's very pedantic and doesn't seem to hate being 31 and still a v**gin, I mean he doesn't get suicidal or anything). I mean people with aspergers are able to just put sex and relationships on a backburner and dedicate their lives to trying to solve a certain mathematical equation that has been bogging the minds of academics for centuries or maybe write a book on the Soviet ship-building industry from 1917 to 1991 or something ridiculously specialist like that. But no sex. I can't live like that myself though.

Seriously all you BPD cases - I can't identify with a single bloody thing you moan about.

But for some mysterious reason I have a diagnosis of "Borderline Personality Disorder".

[bibiddi]

Why does it matter that some women have sex?

It feels like you are projecting your anger onto other peoples behaviour.

I would suggest looking at how you feel about your own behaviour.

How does it feel that you dont know how to hug?

[Sheza]

Why does it matter that some women have sex?

It feels like you are projecting your anger onto other peoples behaviour.

I would suggest looking at how you feel about your own behaviour.

How does it feel that you dont know how to hug?

Firstly I did get angry with one woman on another messageboard (the messageboard had nothing to do with BPD she just mentioned her diagnosis to me on PM). Now I got angry with her for virtually the same reasons as in this thread (that woman will shag any bloke that makes a move and on the messageboard she doesn't shut up about sex, sex, sex and how horny she is and blah blah blah) - so I honesly accused her of attention seeking and knowing that all she has to do is flaunt herself on the board with pictures and shit like that and she gets tons of attention from blokes. She then replies "I don't care what you think, Sheza, I'm a free spirit". Basically making me out to be the "repressed" one and her to be "free" and "open" about her sexuality.

However this changed once I realised something about her. After her 185,368,264 shag with someone she's only just recently met she then said the next morning that she dumped him via text, spent the whole afternoon in the shower to "get rid of the smell of him", cut her thighs repeatedly and told me how much she hates herself and feels like shit. The next day she said she was texting him repeatedly and stalking him. This does not sound like the behaviour of a "free spirit" to me. Some women don't need a boyfriend, they need some valium and a restraining order.

[bibiddi]

If possible, try and stop looking at their behaviour, and look inwards to your own reactions.

What is it you feel?

Jealous? Anger? Compassion? Repressed?

[Sheza]

If possible, try and stop looking at their behaviour, and look inwards to your own reactions.

What is it you feel?

Jealous? Anger? Compassion? Repressed?

I don't know what I feel. Maybe all four.

[rebeccaborderline]

I find your posts pretty offensive and condemnatory, the way you speak about women.

If you are upset by these women sharing confidences with you about their sex-lives, why don't you ask them to stop? Don't listen to them then come on a public forum condemning their behaviour and with pretty in-your-face language

Don't tar every BPD woman with the same brush; Im BPD and do not behave in this way sexually. But frankly I have more sympathy and empathy with the women who do act in this way than with you who are sitting in judgement on them when they have no opportunity to defend themselves.

I understand that you are confused at the apparently large gulf in sexual behaviours of yourself and these women, despite you both having the same BPD diagnosis. I suggest before you start slagging off other peoples behaviours you try to examine the motives behind your own first, hopefully with the aid of a therapist

rebeccaborderline

[bibiddi]

If possible, try and stop looking at their behaviour, and look inwards to your own reactions.

What is it you feel?

Jealous? Anger? Compassion? Repressed?

I don't know what I feel. Maybe all four.

What do you mean all four? Can you expand, and say more.

[Sheza]

I find your posts pretty offensive and condemnatory, the way you speak about women.

If you are upset by these women sharing confidences with you about their sex-lives, why don't you ask them to stop? Don't listen to them then come on a public forum condemning their behaviour and with pretty in-your-face language

Don't tar every BPD woman with the same brush; Im BPD and do not behave in this way sexually. But frankly I have more sympathy and empathy with the women who do act in this way than with you who are sitting in judgement on them when they have no opportunity to defend themselves.

I understand that you are confused at the apparently large gulf in sexual behaviours of yourself and these women, despite you both having the same BPD diagnosis. I suggest before you start slagging off other peoples behaviours you try to examine the motives behind your own first, hopefully with the aid of a therapist

rebeccaborderline

Oh don't give me that crap.

The woman isn't "sharing" with me - she's telling the whole bloody public messageboard (it's the hatred she has for herself that she tells me about via PM). Shut up about "no opportunity to defend themselves" - I haven't mentioned her name, nor the messageboard in question so it's not like I'm bitching by mentioning names or anything - you may think I'm an arsehole but I'm not going to be that arseholy.

You call yourself "RebbeccaBorderline" - Nice surname, do you enjoy "labels" too?

[Sheza]

If possible, try and stop looking at their behaviour, and look inwards to your own reactions.

What is it you feel?

Jealous? Anger? Compassion? Repressed?

I don't know what I feel. Maybe all four.

What do you mean all four? Can you expand, and say more.

I don't know how to expand.

[colourfulcarly]

i have to agree with becca on this one. i found your post offensive.

i am a woman wiv bpd and dont flaunt myself i am still a virgin and dont expect to loose it until my wedding day if i ever have one. i dont see how you can put all woman in this brack have you meet all women with bpd i doubt it very much.

bpd has a wide criteria so just because you dont feel you have the same symptoms as others doesnt mean you dont have it. if you feel your diagnosis is wrong you might went to look into getting a second opinion on it which you have a right to do.

i know this is your view but you now have mine. you have your right to this view but so does everyone else to theres. if you dont like the way this woman is being why do you keep talking to her if you find her ways so bad you dont have to talk to anyone you dont want to.

[Sheza]

i have to agree with becca on this one. i found your post offensive.

i am a woman wiv bpd and dont flaunt myself i am still a virgin and dont expect to loose it until my wedding day if i ever have one. i dont see how you can put all woman in this brack have you meet all women with bpd i doubt it very much.

bpd has a wide criteria so just because you dont feel you have the same symptoms as others doesnt mean you dont have it. if you feel your diagnosis is wrong you might went to look into getting a second opinion on it which you have a right to do.

i know this is your view but you now have mine. you have your right to this view but so does everyone else to theres. if you dont like the way this woman is being why do you keep talking to her if you find her ways so bad you dont have to talk to anyone you dont want to.

Ok - I once did an experiment on Myspace.

One woman PM'd me and said that whenever I wanted to talk she was always there. I realised aswell that she was spamming a lot on the forums. I wondered what she was spamming. I decided to send her a post saying "Listen, I don't know if I can take this anymore. I feel like ending it. I'm so alone". He reply was "But no, you're not alone! I'm here! Hey, visit my website and you'll get to see free naked pictures of me and between 6.00pm and 9.00pm you can see me live on my webcam and with the first two weeks free to join you'd be mad not to take up this offer."

Is this what some women think of men? I'm just some dribbling, drooling retard who'll sign up to any old webcam on "teh internets"?

I don't care if you all get offended by every single bloody thing I post - I stopped caring about anything a long time ago.

[bibiddi]

I don't know what I feel. Maybe all four.

What do you mean all four? Can you expand, and say more.

I don't know how to expand.

Thats OK.

Can you say why you feel jealous of other peoples behaviour?

If possible try and not focus on what others do, but on why you feel the way you do.

[InnerPeace]

I may have misinterpreted this but the difference seems to be not these women's attitude about sex (both you and they appear to want it) but the fact that they are getting it and unfortunately you are not.

It seems that you are very angry that they are having sex as they choose because you would like to be able to but instead of seeing this and dealing with it, you're projecting your anger at them and condemning them for their actions.

It seems you can't understand how they can be having sex and then self-harm, a kind of contradiction, a waste...whereas maybe you would have sex and not self harm given the opportunity. Well, women have sex for a variety of reasons and if they self-harm because of how sex makes them feel it shows how much they are hurting inside and need help and compassion.

I'm sorry that you're not having sex but maybe looking at your own situation instead of judging others would be the way forward for you.

I would also add that not all women with BPD are promiscious.

[Sheza]

I may have misinterpreted this but the difference seems to be not these women's attitude about sex (both you and they appear to want it) but the fact that they are getting it and unfortunately you are not.

It seems that you are very angry that they are having sex as they choose because you would like to be able to but instead of seeing this and dealing with it, you're projecting your anger at them and condemning them for their actions.

It seems you can't understand how they can be having sex and then self-harm, a kind of contradiction, a waste...whereas maybe you would have sex and not self harm given the opportunity. Well, women have sex for a variety of reasons and if they self-harm because of how sex makes them feel it shows how much they are hurting inside and need help and compassion.

I'm sorry that you're not having sex but maybe looking at your own situation instead of judging others would be the way forward for you.

I would also add that not all women with BPD are promiscious.

On an interesting note, I self-harm a lot (but not as much as before - I've had a serious past history involving hospitalisations because of this) but it's obviously not after sex (and even if I did have sex, as you quite rightly said it's different for men and women). I once mentioned that I actually start self-harming whenever I think of women, whenever I think of sex, whenever I see a couple kissing, whenever I see a photo of an attractive woman etc. Basically it was my replacement for physical intimacy - due to the calm feeling afterwards. I sometimes used to think of the name of each girl I've been rejected by and then cut after whispering their name one by one.

Yeah the doctor's right - I am a fucking BPD case.

[InnerPeace]

Sounds like rather than these women being so different from you that they are actually quite similar. The way sex (in general) makes you and they feel, is a trigger for self harm.

[bluebird]

I also find your attitude and the way you talk about women offensive. I am not promiscuous, nor do I cut. You sound angry and frustrated, but attacking and judging others [who you know nothing about] isn't the way forward, believe me.

[Sheza]

I also find your attitude and the way you talk about women offensive. I am not promiscuous, nor do I cut. You sound angry and frustrated, but attacking and judging others [who you know nothing about] isn't the way forward, believe me.

Yes, madam.

[Faerielight]

this is an ignorant, offencive, childish post. seriously.. . grow up!..

you obviously dont know much about the criteria for bpd..

there are plenty of people with bpd that are celebate or in monogamous relationships, and those that are promiscuous, have often y had a history of childhood sexual abuse and are repeating patterns. they don't deserve your anger, they deserve understanding.

impulsive behaviour in bpd can take many forms.. overspending, self harm, eating disorders, to name a few.

i think you need to stop offending people on this post, and in my opinion , it should be closed before anyone else here gets slated for being a woman

bluebell

[Sheza]

this is an ignorant, offencive, childish post. seriously.. . grow up!..

you obviously dont know much about the criteria for bpd..

there are plenty of people with bpd that are celebate or in monogamous relationships, and those that are promiscuous, have often y had a history of childhood sexual abuse and are repeating patterns. they don't deserve your anger, they deserve understanding.

impulsive behaviour in bpd can take many forms.. overspending, self harm, eating disorders, to name a few.

i think you need to stop offending people on this post, and in my opinion , it should be closed before anyone else here gets slated for being a woman

bluebell

1) I know quite a bit about the "social construct" known as BPD. I also look extensively into personality disorders in general. Included ranges of treatment going from DBT to stays in therapeutic communities to different forms of therapy and medications.

2) I am aware that implusive behaviours can take many forms (I even said to the girl that "maybe your sex is my alcohol"). I am aware of this.

3) I have a history of sexual abuse both at Mosque as a child and later on in Morocco (but maybe as a guy we develop different destructive behaviour patterns as young adults).

4) I am not "slating" anyone for being a "woman". Yes, when I started this thread I was being "impulsive" and "angry". Does that strike a bell anyone? Hello? BPD? Maybe I was wrong, maybe my diagnosis is right.

5) Those females on this board who have not verbally ripped into me (unlike you for example) have actually (if you read the replies carefully) helped me to unlock a few things about myself and now I have realised now that some of my self-destructive behaviour could also be related to sex aswell (and then there's my childhood history too).

6) Locking this thread would be a dangerous precedent. A slippery slope. How about we lock everything that you find offensive? How about we lock everything that could offend a woman? How about locking everything that I find offensive (I don't like to hear about women going on and on about their relationships because it makes me jealous and miserable). Hey I've got an idea - why don't we just lock everything?

7) No, you grow up. Whilst I apologise for the rather impulsive nature of my original post (and the fact that re-reading it I do feel I was generalising way too much) I do feel your reaction was way too uncalled for. Also when I "generalised" over women, women came and corrected me. I did not attack anyone personally. You have attacked me personally. You grow up madam.

[Faerielight]

well i'm glad this post has given you some insight and your response is rational.. i guess i felt protective of some of my friends on here for example when you critisised robecca borderline's username..

i'm glad you are seeing that not all women are a nightmare, im sorry you suffered sexual abuse as a child.. my partner was abused as a priest and i've seen him struggle to come to terms with it.. of course men suffer the same pain and trauma being abused as women.

i hope you find this forum useful, there are many lovely wise people on here, we're all suffering here in different ways.

peace, bluebell x

[Faerielight]

.. just wanted to add.. have you thought about internet dating??

i did it for 6 months and at 1st it was so terifying.. i had lost my social skills from being physically ill for 7 years(m.e./low thyroid) plus mental breakdown.. i was single for so long, i couldnt stand the isolation or lonliness any more so i made myself do it.

in time, i gained a bit of confidence meeting men ( just for tea) and 6 months later i met my lovely boyfriend, so it was worth it.. at the end of the day, we are all loveable and deserve intimacy.. i was lucky in that my paretner had been abused too ( i dont mean he was lucky) but that he understood, and we took things slowly.

i know im not a virgin, but im 36 and i swear i never thought anyone would love me.. all my relationships were so awful and abusive.. i had to do a lot of work on pushing through my issues with sex and intimacy, but it paid off..

it sounds to me that you lack confidence and as someone said earlier it is a skill that can be learnt.

anyway, was just a thought.

[Warrior Princess]

Well Sheza,

Sorry to throw a HUGE spanner in your works but I am diagnosed BPD. I'm not aspergers and I could care less about sex. I'd rather never have it again! I hate it. I find it uncomfortable, messy and disgusting. I'm not jumping from bed to bed shagging everyone in sight then self harming after. if anything I am much more like you in that I will self harm even at the thought of sex. Sorry, but I don't fit your mold of a BPD woman.

It sounds to me like you're having trouble coming out of denial and accepting your own diagnosis. Your problem is not with "you lot of BPDer's" it's with yourself. Difficulty accepting your self and your diagnosis. I'd work on that if I were you. Look inward not outward. Look at your inner issues not compare yourself to others on this board that you feel so unlike.

I'm 40, I'm not a virgin but I wish the bloody hell I was! I wish I could start my sex life over from scratch with a clean slate and have it begin healthy and happy rather than start with abuse violence and rape, and end with an inability to relate to a loving husband. In my opinion you have something really special there... the opportunity to start intercourse with a good experience. That's something I never had. It was robbed from me.

You talked about "us lot" moaning. Well all I can say to that is recognise that you're doing your fair share of moaning yourself. We all do it. Ok you're sexually frustrated and want change. At least you have the ability to start on the right foot. You have hope for a sex life at some time. You have something that many of us "BPDer's, and PTSDer's" would give our right arm to have. You have virginity.

You metioned that you have had a history of sexual abuse yet still consider yourself a virgin. I find this a bit confusing but I'm sure if you feel comfortable you will elaborate. It's not really my business, however, if you have had a history of sexual abuse of any kind it's no surprise to me that it such a huge trigger to you. No wonder thinking about it causes you to SH. No wonder other people having it upsets you so much. I acknowledge that you have had pain, but perhaps it would help to acknowledge that this other woman has also had pain. Her way of dealing with that pain is simply different than yours. Even opposite. BPD life is full of opposites. Love/hate, black/white, One extreme or the other. Doesn't make anyone "less BPD" actually confirms that they indeed are.

I would suggest that if these women are bothering you so much you tell them. Sever contact with them. It's your choice who you talk to and I know I would certainly not want to talk to men that ranted on and on about sex. I've severed contact with them in the past and I don't waste any time hitting "ignore" or "block" in those instances. Do what you need to do to protect yourself.

I know you've acknowledged that you generalised because of the actions of one woman. I appreciate that. You posted impulsively, havn't we all at some time in our lives?

PW.

I mean what in phucks name is going on here?

.

[Warrior Princess]

You call yourself "RebbeccaBorderline" - Nice surname, do you enjoy "labels" too?

Sorry Sheza but that looks like a personal attack to me. Knock it off. I think Rebbecca has chosen a great screen name for a support forum like this. Reflects on her ability to empathise with other borderlines. You could learn something from that. Frustrated or not you don't have a right to attack other people.

Warrior.

[Athas]

I'm not sure if it's okay for me to barge in here, but I'll try.

It seems like there is a "standardized" picture for everything, even for BPD: women with BPD end up in other men's beds, men with BPD end up in prison. Did you know the last part? My t works in a forensic ward (prison for people with psychiatric illnesses) and most of her patients are male BPD-patients who hurt, even killed other people. I could accuse all the men on this forum of being violent, could tell them they'd end up in prison eventually.

However, there are thousands of BPD-patients on this forum and many of us don't fit the typical picture. BPD does have many faces.

Somehow, I can understand your anger and frustration. I can imagine very well that your situation is difficult for you and I honestly hope that this forum can help you a little bit in coming to terms with it.

[Sheza]

Well Sheza,

Sorry to throw a HUGE spanner in your works but I am diagnosed BPD. I'm not aspergers and I could care less about sex. I'd rather never have it again! I hate it. I find it uncomfortable, messy and disgusting. I'm not jumping from bed to bed shagging everyone in sight then self harming after. if anything I am much more like you in that I will self harm even at the thought of sex. Sorry, but I don't fit your mold of a BPD woman.

It sounds to me like you're having trouble coming out of denial and accepting your own diagnosis. Your problem is not with "you lot of BPDer's" it's with yourself. Difficulty accepting your self and your diagnosis. I'd work on that if I were you. Look inward not outward. Look at your inner issues not compare yourself to others on this board that you feel so unlike.

I'm 40, I'm not a virgin but I wish the bloody hell I was! I wish I could start my sex life over from scratch with a clean slate and have it begin healthy and happy rather than start with abuse violence and rape, and end with an inability to relate to a loving husband. In my opinion you have something really special there... the opportunity to start intercourse with a good experience. That's something I never had. It was robbed from me.

You talked about "us lot" moaning. Well all I can say to that is recognise that you're doing your fair share of moaning yourself. We all do it. Ok you're sexually frustrated and want change. At least you have the ability to start on the right foot. You have hope for a sex life at some time. You have something that many of us "BPDer's, and PTSDer's" would give our right arm to have. You have virginity.

You metioned that you have had a history of sexual abuse yet still consider yourself a virgin. I find this a bit confusing but I'm sure if you feel comfortable you will elaborate. It's not really my business, however, if you have had a history of sexual abuse of any kind it's no surprise to me that it such a huge trigger to you. No wonder thinking about it causes you to SH. No wonder other people having it upsets you so much. I acknowledge that you have had pain, but perhaps it would help to acknowledge that this other woman has also had pain. Her way of dealing with that pain is simply different than yours. Even opposite. BPD life is full of opposites. Love/hate, black/white, One extreme or the other. Doesn't make anyone "less BPD" actually confirms that they indeed are.

I would suggest that if these women are bothering you so much you tell them. Sever contact with them. It's your choice who you talk to and I know I would certainly not want to talk to men that ranted on and on about sex. I've severed contact with them in the past and I don't waste any time hitting "ignore" or "block" in those instances. Do what you need to do to protect yourself.

I know you've acknowledged that you generalised because of the actions of one woman. I appreciate that. You posted impulsively, havn't we all at some time in our lives?

PW.

I mean what in phucks name is going on here?

.

I consider myself a v**gin because I do not think that what happened when I was younger should count. I didn't agree to anything, I felt like I trusted someone and even now my shoulders just tense up and I can't even think about it. That's all I wish to say for now.