Barebones Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 well here is my story, might give you some hope. i have bpd but hey i cant be bpd because i have a 10 year old mariege and been with him since i was 19 and im now 36. i was totaly into sex when i was younger but then past history caught up with me and i find it hard now. i wasnt a virgin when i met him, but had sex with boyfriends. i do however sh but never after sex i guess.somthing i have similiar with men with bpd is that i have extreme anger and have a temper on me.anyway not sure what im trying to say but thought i would make a effort.keep it cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyL Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 It's not uncommon for female borderline individuals to express rage and anger and generally be aggressive. The main difference is that when women do it the authorities don't tend to sweep in and cart them off to jail. Male aggression is taken much more seriously for better or worse. I think I read a statistic somewhere that something like 70% of men with BPD have been or are incarcerated. That leaves the rest of us high-functioning types looking around at all the female faces in therapy groups wondering where all the men are. In my group the women outnumber the men 3-1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerPeace Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 It's not uncommon for female borderline individuals to express rage and anger and generally be aggressive. The main difference is that when women do it the authorities don't tend to sweep in and cart them off to jail. Male aggression is taken much more seriously for better or worse. I think I read a statistic somewhere that something like 70% of men with BPD have been or are incarcerated. That leaves the rest of us high-functioning types looking around at all the female faces in therapy groups wondering where all the men are. In my group the women outnumber the men 3-1.So the missing men are either in prison or denial! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheza Posted January 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 So the missing men are either in prison or denial!Or have already comitted suicide.Sorry for sounding so blunt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 well sry to say you dont know me and my anger and agression and what it has done in my past life. im no inocent party here, i do have a really bad anger problem and i somtimes i guess ive been lucky in the past but i have done some bad things.but i do agree with you on that men are mostly in prison with bpd or most is in denial or has commited suicide, but really there is woman in prison aswell and has commited suicide, its just i guess we dont go with the denial thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted January 22, 2008 Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 I consider myself a v**gin because I do not think that what happened when I was younger should count. I didn't agree to anything, I felt like I trusted someone and even now my shoulders just tense up and I can't even think about it. That's all I wish to say for now.I completely understand that. I don't think my past should "count" either but unfortunately I'm not able to think like that. I think of it as my virginity was robbed from me and now that part of my life is forever tainted.I can fully understand why hearing about promiscious people angers and even disgusts you becasue I've been down that path and am not completely off it, but I have learnt to accept everyone at face value, whether I like what they do or not. Just accept. They are who they are... they cope how they cope, they react how they react. I would distance yourself from anyone who triggers or hurts you whether it's over sexual issues or not. Just avoid those people until you feel ready to "go there". That's what I had to do.Sorry if I sounded a bit blunt and harsh in my posts. I was having a BPD moment myself at the time. Don't realize how tense I am sometimes.I think that you will find the right girl if you take things a step at a time. First just relate to females in general, on a friendship level with no intention of it going further than a bit of a chat. Maybe from that you can relate to one or two women on the level of deeper friendship with no intention of it developing into a romantic relationship. Then maybe you will feel a bit more ready emotionally to relate to them on a relationship level. I think you're physically ready, just your emotions have to catch up a bit. Nurture them and allowe them some time to heal. there's really no rush. Forget society and peer pressure this is YOU and your an individual with unique experiences. Stuff society! PW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorkiegal73 Posted January 23, 2008 Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 When I first read the criteria for BPD I thought, hang on a minute I don't have these intense and short lived relationships that they keep talking about! I haven't slept with anyone for 8 years. However , this was conveniently forgetting that when I did first start having sex, I went through three years of one night stands (only 8 in total) and the reason that I don't think of those as relationships is that I never let them become one, i.e i avoid abandonement by not letting anyone get close. I've also never ever enjoyed intimacy so I've had to shut myself off from it. I think the OP is making an assumption that we all have the same traits when we don't. I also think that some traits can manifest themselves at different parts of our lives and then go away again. If I wasn't so hung up on my weight and scared of sex I may well be promiscuous. As it is I am impulsive in other ways, such as shopping and binge eating and cutting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icu_baby Posted January 29, 2008 Report Share Posted January 29, 2008 I also find your attitude and the way you talk about women offensive. I am not promiscuous, nor do I cut. You sound angry and frustrated, but attacking and judging others [who you know nothing about] isn't the way forward, believe me.Yes, madam.Shezza I know what your problem is. You have BPD and Avoidant personality disorder. The two are contraindicated. You wan to have a sexual relationship but you can't because you have avoidant personality disorder so instead you cut yourself because you can't get sexually close to anyone. I still think there is hope for you out there somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheza Posted February 2, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2008 I also find your attitude and the way you talk about women offensive. I am not promiscuous, nor do I cut. You sound angry and frustrated, but attacking and judging others [who you know nothing about] isn't the way forward, believe me.Yes, madam.Shezza I know what your problem is. You have BPD and Avoidant personality disorder. The two are contraindicated. You wan to have a sexual relationship but you can't because you have avoidant personality disorder so instead you cut yourself because you can't get sexually close to anyone. I still think there is hope for you out there somewhere.This is actually very true. The two prop each other up. This is why many women with BPD only (and no avoidance to go with it) often find it wierd when I say BPD because I just seem so different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 hey chuck,Being promiscuous is only one symptom of the BP. I don't judge the people who do this, but speaking from my own experiences, I am not. As I am sure you know, there are many aspects to the borderline personality. not everybody has them all, and they all vary in extremeties. I was with my ex bf for 5years and I have been with my current bf a year. these are the only two people I've been with. For me, the sex side is more about not being alone. Many BP's like to be with their partners or friends, but only on their own terms. Like, they'll deliberatly miss social events. This means that relationships can suffer. It is mainly an insecurity thing I believe. And perhaps a control thing too.Are you a virgin because you want to be or because its the way life has happened? Have there been occasions where you've deliberatly or subconsciously distanced yourself? Remember, the bottom line is, just because the BP symptoms are there, we dont share them all. we are all different. I dont consider myself to be manipulative. i don't push ppl away in a wierd attempt to get them closer to me...but I am insecure, have eating disorders, self harm, drive recklessly, abuse drugs.... I could go on, but you get the gist? we aren't all typically "mean" or anything. my pain is always aimed internally, for fear of damaging another. some BP do the opposite...it is just the way it is. we aren't the same and i would be offended if anyone pigeon holed me completely in the BP category, because some things simply do not apply. hope this is of some use. take care. Magpie. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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