How Much Do You Fear Your Mortality?

[lostsoul]

I had to ask you guys cos its my bugbear.

I have always been bloody interested in how people come to terms with their mortality.

I sometimes think i will never come to terms with mine. i obviously fit the top answer there.

Sorry to be so morbid :lol:

[Wisdom]

I sometimes worry alittle.

[Betsy]

I'll probably be thinking about it when i hit the bridge!

bets

[lostsoul]

bets im confused! what's the bridge?

[Betsy]

that i will be smashing into when i die

[LadyMacbeth]

I am scared to death thats why I have such anxiety now.

[verbena]

Bets, I've never heard you be quite so graphic - chemical molecules, smashing bridges, what's going on? Is there something new going on at your house? I haven't read anything new just lately - or is there something with your meds?

You really can't smash into the bridge yet anyway. Your ticket is I'm sure,

non-refundable, and I imagine Joshua will need you desperately at the conference. So please put it off a month or so, and find out what's wrong - that is if you don't already know.

I wonder if you on staff have some kind of extra support designed for you alone.

XXX Ann

[lostsoul]

ah thanks for clearing that up bets!

glad im not the only morbid one. but sad to hear your little plan

hmmm!

[Claire]

:blink:

It's something that I constantly think about, and keeps me awake at night quite alot. Along with the worry of others dying too.

[LadyMacbeth]

Claire...I can totally relate to you there...

[Betsy]

Let me clear up a little misunderstanding... I am NOT planning on smashing into a bridge... that was said because i don't worry about mortality at all... so it was a metaphore for meaning that i won't worry about it until seconds before it happens... but it is sweet of you all to be concerned.. i just tend to black humor somedays (actually most days)

The Chemical molecule comment was because i am sick already of being on so many meds and frustrated because i need chemicals to live when most people only need air and water and food... i know lots of ppl here are on meds.. so i am not knocking them it is just what i feel..

bets

[lauren18808]

I'm not too bothered about death, which probably explains how I can be suicidal at a drop at a hat. It's the same with my loved ones, I've had family members die before, and I've never cried. I don't really worry too much about it. The rare occasion when I do care is when I am having a discussion of a religious nature. For some reason it's then I get a twinge.

[Dianna]

I fear getting old, not death

[verbena]

I do not fear getting old or even sick. I become

terrified when I look around me and try to

imagine the world without me. Not that it couldn't

go on, I don't mean that, but I can't imagine

not being alive. I can't accept it. I have always

since I was a child thought I would be the first

to beat death. Seriously. I am terrified of not

being her, and being forgotton. In a few months,

nobody would even mention me anymore.

[bonita]

I worry a lot about the way I'm going to die, I want to be in control of that too, so I rather die by my own hand than waiting to die in an unknowm way, do you know what I mean? it's like I'm always thinking I'm going to die in a tragic way, very painful, so I'm just waiting when I get the guts to kill myself, like overdosing making sure I'll die, and if I'm getting too old(which I'm also very afraid of) I definitily wouldn't wait any longer to commit suicide, I always think tha'ts the way I'm going to die(suicide).

[lostsoul]

yeah i get that too ver.

for me its true, from what i have observed, that people do get over it when you die, and only a few months after, they are acting like you never existed. i am glad for people that they can do that because grieving isnt fun at all and u have to get on, but on the other hand, it seems to devalue someone's life somehow, and once you die you really only can continue to exist in any form in people's memories, or in your own deeds..

this is partly why i always wanted to have some permanent contribution or effect on the world. its not so much being forgotten, its that being forgotten means your life meant little. if that makes sense.

[verbena]

Exactly

[lostsoul]

i am agreeing with everyone today lol

yes bonita... its scary not knowing when and how it will happen. that seriously freakes me out more than anything. i am always watching for it.

i would rather die by my own hand anyday. like you i think i will die by suicide one day. getting old - no way.

i dunno. sometimes, even though i am happy with mike, i can feel myself sabotaging my future so that i dont get locked down - kids are the big tie for me. Mike would get over it, but i couldnt do that to my kid/s.

so i guess maybe i wont have kids so that the option is there. maybe thats twisted. but it has a certain logic.

i could be wrong. i could get better and die an old lady sitting by the fire with a grandkid.

its the who knows that gets ya.

[LadyMacbeth]

Got a wave of anxiousness just thinking about death...can't think about it I avoid it.

[flippy]

doesnt worry me at all, more pisses me off that it hasnt happened yet

[Alexa]

The desire to survive and the fear of death are artistic sentiments.

[mitchy]

i worry about it during my paranoid moments. then i think i'm going to hell. i'm going to die by my own hand and take my bpd with me and suffer forever. what a depressing thought.

[ktodee_27]

I worry about it during real person moments and at those real person moments that I will die too, go to hell, god will not know me, I will have failed him, and what will become of me, and if they will do the cremation right, spread my ashes over Sicily, and if they all will follow through with what the will says-the ones I have left behind.

But there are moments too, however, when this bpd person takes over and I just dont give a fuck what happens and wouldn't mind it at all and tell myself that I'm bpd and damaged goods, so therefore, I really can't be banished to hell then if I have an illness! And so I have my right to just take myself from my suffering since I am ill and God will understand.....I make an excuse and when I make it to there, I am fucked since that's when it has been in my past in which I've tried it.

It's a double standard! It is so twisted! :rolleyes:

[Wisdom]

"from what i have observed, that people do get over it when you die, and only a few months after, they are acting like you never existed"

Thats absolutly wrong. To suicide and have children (no less) is the worst human abandonment a person can inflict upon another. Lock a child up in the closet and never let them out and you'll see when that child grows up they're horribly screwed up. The person who kills themselves is no longer in pain but the children and family/friends left behind are left with permanant scars for life. The survivors pain NEVER goes away or lessens. They have to deal forever their self blame, guilt, lonlienss, kids growing up w/o parent, .............. suicide creates more pain for the kids/family than does the amount of pain the person had prior to killing themselves. The pain of living in a closet is far easier than having a parent kill themselves. (i grew up many years in a bedroom closet and had a parent attempt suicide) Might as well lock our children up....

Ya know what? almost 15 years ago I put a loaded gun to my head and pulled the trigger. Lemmi tell you If had another chance............ A year later after I did this my 11 year old son died of unusual medical circumstances. You can imagine the guilt, the pain, the shame, and the horrid thoughts that plague me everyday saying I might have been able to stop him from dying had I not done such a selfish thing.... Bad Karma perhaps?? At least I lived to have him die in my arms and not someone else's where he'd be alone.

Suicide is a bad decision. It affects the community. Teenagers then become aware of how easy it is to "check out". Person who kills themselves commits a selfish act that hurts ppl for life including their communities and young people. It also hurts those who see it on the TV.

"this is partly why i always wanted to have some permanent contribution or effect on the world. its not so much being forgotten, its that being forgotten means your life meant little."

The only permanent contribution via suicide is the damage you do to people who are left behind. So people will not remember you in wonderful ways. YOu'll leave a trail of pain for the remainder of their lives......if they themselves don't kill themselves as a result of yourself doing so.

Do you think I might be against suicide? You bet. I have big big down days........I fight like hell to stay alive. I will never attempt suicide again. Next time I will not be as luck as I was back then. Guarenteed.

Wisdom

[LadyMacbeth]

((((((((Widom))))))

Well said...I am in agreement with you.