Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 im trying to control my thought process, but i cant stop thinking about what im going to say to my pdoc on thurs and what she is going to say. im scared im going to be knocked back again for my eating disorder.i cant stop the script thats going through my head, i havent done this for while, i allready know what im going to say to day hospital on wed and it aint going to be good.god i hate this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 What is it that you know you're going to say? Do you mind sharing that with me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 which one tues? the pdoc is in the process in the making, thats why my head wont shut up.day hospital will go like this if they mention the words, hows it going with your eatingme,* how is it what going with my eating?* * its got nothing to do with you anymore*nurse * why*me * well i dont have full ed do i? * * its my choice to starve * * i must be ok ive had this problem for along time but its not a ed is it? * * i havent been unwell so i shouldnt need help *we are supposed to be working on negative thinking on wed, so i suppose she wont ask about my eating anyway.for the pdoc, im very unsure if i will talk to her about my ed yet, im in two minds about it. maybe when im not fat i might go to her. or if i become ill i might then. but yet the script is changing all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 OK so how long have you had your ED? And how long have been seeing this pdoc? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 ive had ed since i was 13, started of with bulimia, then anorexic tendersies which now i know is classed as non spec ed.i have only seen my new pdoc for a few months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Todash Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Hey hun,Can you maybe write it all down so it can get out of your head? know you are really stressed right now. Do you know of anything healthy that has calmed you in the past? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 as ive been like this for 2 weeks now, the only way is for me to say it better or for worse. sry todthanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Yeah, as Todash says, why don't you write down that script you've got going on in your head. Maybe when it's all come out and is on the screen in front of you, you may find it easier to not follow that? You know what I mean?Why do you think you'll be knocked back by your pdoc if you talk about your ED? I'm presuming you haven't spoken to her about it before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 no i havent tues, but if its the same in what my nurse said to me, then all hell will let loose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 Can I ask what your nurse said? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 well you read the nurse script didnt you? that was what she said to me, i dont have full ed, its my choice to starve, and i have had it for long time now and havent had problems so peeps may think that. to some effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 well you read the nurse script didnt you? that was what she said to me, i dont have full ed, its my choice to starve, and i have had it for long time now and havent had problems so peeps may think that. to some effect.If you ask an anorexic that officially has an ED, they'd tell you that they are choosing not to eat because they don't want to be fat. It's your choice because that's how mental illnesses work, they control you to think what they want you to think. I look in a mirror and I see a huge, fat blob. The rolls of fat spilling down my body makes me feel physically sick, yet whenever I tell someone what I think they look at mye like I've just said I believe that I'm actually an alien and one day will take over the world. But if you think it's your choice to starve, then can I ask why you're doing it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 i know its not my choice, she told me that it was my choice. so what you asking tues?thanks for talking to me anyway by the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 I think I'm confusing myself lolSo your nurse (who obviously has no understanding of mental health) said you have a choice about starving, right? But you know that's not true and your pdoc should too. How are you with your ED - is it still a big part of your life? Are you making yourself unwell with it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 well for 7 weeks now ive been starving myself,but to say though and be good is that i have prob eaten 2 weeks worth of food so that leaves 5 weeks of starving. yes my ed has become yet again big part of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 What is it that's making you starve yourself? Do you know if there was a trigger? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 ive allways had probs in eating, now its become full blown since i cut and attempting to stop alcohol.why im starving is i dont have appitite, dont want to be fat, dont want to have full belly, and im trying to not resort in other behavour meaning making my self sick or take laxatives. starving seems to be good enough in losing weight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 And your internal script you've created for Thurs, do really think your pdoc will tell you that you don't have a problem? Or believe that you're choosing not to eat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 i think she is going to think taht its not a serious problem and maybe that i choose to not eat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 If she's a good doctor then she won't think it, and you know what if she does, you know she's wrong. Yes it's frustrating but you know you have a problem and although doc's are trained to deal with it, they don't always understand. Don't go in there with the intention of being defensive, go in the with the intention of asking for help because that's what you need hun. And don't you dare start self-harming tonight, you can do this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 i will apologise first if i come across aggitated or sarcy or angry i will tell her this before i say anything. but if she asks me some stupid questions that will rile me up. thta prob wont happen, but now im just angry because my so called mate online he was asking me some stupid questions, and i didnt like the way he handled it. i think i need some time away from speaking to him. he just hasnt got a clue or prob hasnt even botherd in reading what i gave him. or he wouldnt of asked stupid questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 I know what you mean, there is nothing more frustrating that people that don't understand...unfortunately for us, that's most people. I snap at people ALL the time when they say things that my brian immediately changes it into an insult. Then I get irritated and am rude, and that person is rude back. I've cut down the number of people I speak to to my mother, my ex, my pdoc & my therapist. And even when I talk to my therapist, I can see her facial expressions changing as she becomes overwhelmed by the reality of my thoughts/feelings. And I still snap at my mum & my ex when they say the wrong thing but in the end, what do I actually want them to say? They tell me the truth and it's wrong, they tell me lies and I shout at them for lying.Talking to use is always a no win situation really Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 what i wanted was him to understand why im angry, maybe agree with me that the person didnt say somthing good and didnt help matters. maybe show some concern in what im going through. he used to in the past. i dont know.just makes me feel that im bugging taht person or boring them and im stupid in thinking the way i do.since 13 ive had to learn about eds for myself because noone else would tell me what the matter was or help me. what do you do when your let down once again, and not shown any quidence how do you learn to change? fuk knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTues Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 You take solace in the people that do understand and can give you guidance. We are few and far in between but we're here. Every person in this forum can help you and guide you in some small way.As for people outside here, they can't show concern for something they don't fully understand. Most people think that depression is healed with positive thinking and that EDs are healed with a hearty meal. Don't take it personally, people are scared of what they don't understand - it's human nature/animal instinct. Fear of the unknown. But we understand and we're not afraid. You always have someone to talk to on here and you can always PM me and I'll be happy to listen :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted February 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 yeah i know they are scared and even more so in understanding means that makes it real. thanks for your support and if i can help in anway im allways here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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