Chat !1

[colourfulcarly]

on the 19th feb there was a post about ppl's feelins that chat doesnt seem to have any common courtesy. well i thought i would remind people that i dont think this has made any difference.

you come into a room and 2 or 3 people say hi (people not actiuvely in a converstaion) and there is a converstaion goin on between others but the people who are actually talking dont welcome you into the room. this then makes for a bad atmosphere. i have seem this happen not only to me but other members of the forum and you feel ignored.

when you have to pop away from the room for one thing or another and come back having to say back 3 times before anyone responds also makes me feel ignored. you might be having a convo but typing in to letter H and I or W and B doesnt take much time and is acknowledging that the person has returned to the room.

can i ask that people acknowledge people leaving and entering the chat room more because it rude to not otherwise do so. if you are away yourself or disturbed by something outside the room that if fine not to greet a person but if you are actively in the chat room i think its common courtesy to greet people.

[rain]

Just forget about me. I won't go in again

[Rachel_31_uk]

i apologise if i have upset or hurt anyone

it wasn't my intention

hugs

rach

xxx

[Todash]

I was in there last night rain. I personally thought your reply was very passive-agressive and uncalled for. If I hadnt already typed hi and hit enter, it would have made me pause to see if I really wanted to. I was in the middle of dealing with my child and not able to say hello on your immediate entrance.

I agree that courtesy is important, but so is understanding. You are coming in not knowing what the situation is. If it is a deep discussion, chances are everyone is looking at their keyboard typing. Then there is cases like me, I get called away from my computer quickly and dont have time to put myself as away or say anything.

So, lots of things go into the chat room:

Courtesy

Understanding

Honesty

Respect

Open mindedness

Chat needs to be a place everyone can come to for whatever reason. Whether it is for distraction, help, support, or advice.

Rain - I am sorry you felt slighted last night. I am sure if you asked those that were there, it was not an intentional thing. I for one, wish you had brought it up in a way that could have been discussed in there. Hugs

[Tray]

i am not always lookin at the screen, i flit between pages usually so i can miss when ppl come and go, its not intentional, but when i do come back after being away i dont expect every single person to wb me, its just not practical. i know people are busy, we dont always have time to say we gota pop off screen, or wb people back, it shouldnt be taken as offense, and im sorry if that has been the case where i am concerened

[Paris]

Ok I agree with some things said here especially about the courtesy thing definitely.

To me at the moment when i go into chat it is seeming like some kind of popularity contest, people are busy and not always looking at the screen I know cos i do that too. This site is for support and I dont feel that so much in chat,sorry if i offend anyone but im just saying what i feel.

there is way too much bitchiness going on, we all have issues here i have said it before wheres the support? its just all bitchiness and i do not like it.

Im the first to admit I love attention and I know I can go into chat and talk about me for ages but it does not mean that I dont care and just cos im joking around etc doesnt mean i am not supporting people. I always try and wb people and say hi but if I dont it is not cos i am being rude usually cos im busy.

Its just starting to grate me that people think this is a popularity contest I am not on here to be everyones friend, I am here for support and to support others.

Its actually putting me off going into chat right now not knowing what response is going to be, and i dont want to be doing anything to offend otehr people. I go in there to chat have a laugh, talk abotu stuff etc and dont feel i can do that anymore.

Sorry if I piss anyone off just making me feelings known

[Paris]

Just forget about me. I won't go in again

And that proves my point. You are forgetting what this site is about.

[colourfulcarly]

rite some good issues brought up and i did say in the first post if ppl have been draged away from the screen or have been distracted then i dont expect people to come bck to chat just to say hi or wb its more towards the people alreadying in a conversation. ok yes i can be involved in a convo and be looking at the keyboard at what im typing not the screen but i do have to look up and see what others are typing so will just slip in a hi to the person.

people do have distractions and yes i know this i have them too and if i am looking at a different screen which i usually do and flip back to chat i dont say ive back thats onyl when yu have been away for from the comp or you have been out for the room for a significant period of time so people no your with them.

chat has changed alot and yes its not as supportive as it used to be i dont know y or how its become like it has.

let me say agen i dont expect people who are out the room to greet a person but if u are in a convo you cant be having a good convo if you are only ever looking at your keyboard so when u look up and see a person in the room wouldnt a hi be nice then carry on with what was being said

[InnerPeace]

It might be worth remembering that we don't know the reasons why people do or don't do things but we draw conclusions.

To give an example, I have trouble getting into chat and when I do the typing goes mad so I probably look like I'm being insenstive but not responding. We can also be distracted by things and people in our homes.

[lucy]

I log on there and forget to log out etc

If i go in i say hi to people and try and join in the responiblity cannot always be on the people in the room some of the onus needs to be on who has come in

I think chats fine

[beamfrostold]

so now if you do accidentally miss someone coming in you get publically humiliated, great!

[drew]

people have the right to com into chat and n ot speak to others - they may have reasons for this apart from being rude

sometimes i go in to pm with people who to talk about serious or unserious stuff

sometimes i have 3 windows open

sometimes i am in a mood and forget about chat

its not so simple on line and often things are took out of context

every one is different and have need s

i would say just be aware of others but dont expect every to do things the way u like it

and dont take it personally

[CharcoalKiss]

Am i to understand that people are actuallty boycotting chat? Oh no. I hope not!

[Shellybelly]

ok as regards chat i have a few issues too with this as i think in the month since i have joined this forum the chat room has change and i think that this whole thing of been popular or who has most hello and stuff is stupid..

i try my best to say hello and wb etc to everyone but there are times when i in middle of chatting in main room and in private as well and also trying to do stuff here at home and then my head does be away in it own world too especially when im having my own crisis and the last few days i havent been very well so i may not have been in chat when it said i was i kinda came and went as my concentration was totally gone and im sorry if i offended anyone it was never intentional.. but i know when i come into the room or say back then not everyone says hi to me i said back a couple times lately and NO ONE say wb or anything but i left it at that when i seen a discussion was going on already in the main room

but i dont appreciate getting instant message saying im beeen rude and not been a good friend cause i never said hi and how i could have pushed that person over the edge.. for all ye know i could have been havin some major problem of my own.. i feel that if anyone has a problem with someone in chat then instead of jumping to conclusion which we are all prone to do then we should try ASK the person nicely why e.g mickey have you a problem when you havent said hello to me? that way i could explain what i was doing or what was going on so then you would know why i wasnt answering and people might not get as hurt..

also as regards what chat is for.. chat when i first joined here was for support, helping each other, fun, distraction and getting to know one and other lateely when someone has a problem no one seems to care it always the same 1 or 2 people who say whats up or it left tothe mods to ask are you ok do you want to talk.. the whole point of this forum is to help and support each other and to me that mean everywhere on here but some people think the chat room is just for fun and messing and dont ever try and support others unless it someone they know and like.. i feel that chat is for helping and support each other and also to have fun and a laugh but to an equal balance of the 2 lately it just seems to be bout messing and fun noe one cares bout others problems.. and i not on about me and my problem either in this i have seen it happen alot when other come in saying there upset and need help people ignore it and keeping messing.. i thing it wouls be nice if people could try be a bit more supportive of each other in chat..

anyways look im sorry for upsetting anyone in chat and i never meant to do that but i try my best to say hi and talk to people when there upset and if anyone has felt i have ignored them or not been friendly or polite to them then i never meant to be like that.. and as lou said i dont use here to make friends thats just an added bonus if i do im here to help myself get better and have a better understanding of my mental illness.. and also once again im sorry too when im in really bad mood the last few days for not been as helpful and making statements i shouldnt have done and for hurting anyone.. i hope people can forgive me and accept my apology

and i hope no one takes any offence at my post it not directed at anyone and no harm is meant

hugs ye all

mickey

ps i really hope these bad feelings in chat can be resolved and we can all find some happy medium for everyone and thank you to all the mods too when they are in chat for always helping and keeping the atmosphere in there positive and been so supportive :)

[bluebird]

I dont use chat a lot but when I do I always try and say hi and wb to people - if I haven't done it could be I've popped into the kitchen or the loo, that my phone has rung or I've gone to look at another site. Sometimes people come in thick and fast and its easy to miss someone whilst typing........

Sometimes I say hi, how are you and it goes unacknowledged - I assume the person is distracted/busy/had a private message or just spilt their coffee - whatever!

I have to say though that sometimes my connection to chat is bad - I'm in the middle of chatting, press 'send' and nothing happens, and I'm logged off. I think thats awful - it looks like I havent answered/ignored someone, and just disappeared.

I would never ignore anyone - but chat just doesn't work right sometimes, usually around 9-11pm.

Ive always found chat to be good, helpful and welcoming......

[Todash]

Basically it comes down to people taking responsibility for themselves. If some is feeling slighted, they need to say so. If someone is feeling neglected, then say so. If you need to talk, SAY SO! We all have different things going on. We aren't always aware of peripheral stuff.

So, instead of pitching fits, running to mommy, slagging on the board, putting people down, berating people...you get the point, let all just start being responsible for ourselves.

[Shellybelly]

i agree with tod :)

[Dreamer]

I agree, let's not bitch over the slightest thing when we know no ones intentions or exactly what has happened. I'm away to run to the loo then end up cleaning my house and don't come back...nothing personal towards anyone.

[Paris]

i agree with tod

ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[panache]

Basically it comes down to people taking responsibility for themselves. If some is feeling slighted, they need to say so. If someone is feeling neglected, then say so. If you need to talk, SAY SO! We all have different things going on. We aren't always aware of peripheral stuff.

So, instead of pitching fits, running to mommy, slagging on the board, putting people down, berating people...you get the point, let all just start being responsible for ourselves.

Oh dearie dearie me, Ppl are so defensive. I dont understand why a person has to specifically say they are feeling neglected. If a person joins a chatroom in the middle of a conversation and is not brought into the comversation by the ppl who initiate it, they r obviously going to feel neglected. They dont need to explicitly say so. Why does a person specifically need say that they need to talk in a chat room???? The whole purpose of a chat room is that ppl can get together and talk in real time. Dont u think that saying that I need to talk is a bit superfluous. The feeling of neglect does initiate a certain amount of anger in people. Uve got to remember that there are a lot of ppl on this forum who suffer from BPD which I look upon as enhanced emotional response to certain situations. It need to be understood that some people may overreact to certain situations. If we dont understand and sympatise such responses, who will??? Sorry is such a small word yet it is so powerful. Ony a few ppl managed to come up with it. Others are too busy defending themselves. Oh cmmn we're not kids r we.

"Lets all just start being responsible for ourselves"

I agree with that whole heartedly but i think it's incomplete

"Lets all just start being responsible for ourselves AND FOR OTHERS"

Hope u all dont start ganging up against me, I dont have a mummy to run to,

Be Lucky

P

[Todash]

The reason is because when their need is not met, they go around behind the scenes and it gets people up set. If you come in to chat and feel ignored, dont say anything, then leave to go complain to your friends, what good has it served? For someone to come in and not get what the expect, and in an appropriate way express that, then a lot is gained by all those involved. Does that makes sense? And no you dont have to specify anything. But as a rule of thumb, the more refined your request the more likely your response will met the need.

For example:

Person A: Hi everyone.

Person B: (continues on with previous converstation not acknowledging person A)

Person A can respond several ways. The most likely, BPD way is to say something mean and log off.

Or Person a can say 'Hey, whats the converstation about?' which would most likely get them up to date on it.

Better yet, Person A can say something along the lines of "Hey, Im feeling ignored. Is it ok to join in?'

That way Person B realizes that he/she has made some one feel ignored by his actions. So person A and B both benefit.

Again I will post what I did in my first post:

So, lots of things go into the chat room:

Courtesy

Understanding

Honesty

Respect

Open mindedness

If you practice those things in chat you "being responsible for ourselves AND FOR OTHERS"

Its that simple.

[Faerielight]

well said todash. hugs blue x

[panache]

Hey colourfulCarly, Hey rain,

sorry we got of on the wrong foot. I didnt mean to to ignore you, its just that I was a wee bit busy with my lil un or in my case was busy in a wrestling match with santa for not giving me an Xbox 360. Lets just put it behind us and start afresh. What do u say????

Chin up

XXXXXXXXX

Thats all that needed to be said in this thread. What do u say.

U said it, the typical approach for a person suffering from BPD is to be mean and log off, so I guess they were not acting out of the ordinary.

If we keep pin-pointing their faults, we will be pushing them further away and they are going to feel even more isolated so lets all slap each other on the wrist for being naughty brats and have a humongous group hug.

BIG GRIZZLY BEAR HUGS

P :)

[Todash]

If we keep pin-pointing their faults, we will be pushing them further away

I don't think anyone is trying to pinpoint anyones faults. If I was doing something wrong, hurtful, mean, I hope that someone would care enough about me to say 'hey, whats going on?' I think that is what this thread is. Its a 'Hey, whats going on?'.

slap each other on the wrist for being naughty brats and have a humongous group hug.

I don't feel that anyone on here has been a naughty brat. But the hugs are always welcome. :)

[panache]

If we keep pin-pointing their faults, we will be pushing them further away

I don't think anyone is trying to pinpoint anyones faults. If I was doing something wrong, hurtful, mean, I hope that someone would care enough about me to say 'hey, whats going on?' I think that is what this thread is. Its a 'Hey, whats going on?'.

slap each other on the wrist for being naughty brats and have a humongous group hug.

I don't feel that anyone on here has been a naughty brat. But the hugs are always welcome.

Hiya Todd.

Ur wrong when you say no1 has been naughty. Ive just gone through my own posts and have realized that Ive been unintentionally picking on you. I assure you that I didnt mean to and I have already slapped my own wrist for that. I really admire your ability to stand up for what you think is right. Just wish every1 was like that

Hugs (This one is just for todd so back off evry1 else)

P :)