Crashed And Burned

[Shellybelly]

Crashed and Burned

ive been put down so often in my life

i feel this will be my last time

as i lie here crying my eyes out

my thoughts are haunted by memories of my past

i feel so much shame and pressure on me

as I lay here on the bed

starring at this screen

i have no strength to get up

im not worth it any more

i just dont have what it takes

to be that person you wanted me to me

i fell so hard into this despair

i fell with an almighty crash

that i shattered into a million pieces

my heard is broken

and my soul destroyed

there no chance of a repair

all the workers are off today

guess im left here on the scrap pile

while you stand by and watch me die

i have some friends

whom i dont know to see

but they mean everything to me

teacher, councellor, mother, sister, brother,father and friend

sometimes i wonder why they they bother

when they each themselves have there own troubles to bear

if you were to depend on me

im afraid you'd crash and burn like i have done

im know im not as good with you as you are to me

far from it and really there is no explanation as to why

i know what i believe is good and right

but in my real world things always seem to go wrong

underneath this tortured body

there is a soul full of love

kindness gratitude respect and admiration

for all that you have done for me

sometimes i dont know what im thinking of

these dark bitter twisted thoughts

nudge and creep into my head

they take control and im left with none

i only know how to deal with one at a time

yet they come in groups and im alone

i know your on here and standing

waiting to guide and aid me on my journey

but when alone in the dark as like now

my mind it wonders and lives alone

it wont accept the help you offer you always give

it doesnt know what you mean when you said you love and care for me

im just some stupid kid hiding behind these words i type

with labels of illness no one knows which one i pocess

and no one can fix me but me

so im at the end

ive reached the last

he finally did it he has what he want

another dead daughter

and a wife to himself

to dominate and possess just like the rest

but this living hell

is over for me im off now bye bye

im going to the other side

ive tried to slip away slowly

easing myself from your memory

giving you little to remember me by

and not much happiness have i shared

22 years and the only real mourners

at my death will not be seen

as your faces are hidden behind a computer screen

know that i loved ye

and i always did care

i carried your budden in my heart

and felt it with my soul

even when im not here ill still be watching

ill quinch the flames as you try do the same as i

i wont let you burn out and die

im gonna fight for you

in the hopes that someone somewhere will

one day learn never ignore the sad and the lonely

as some day you too may feel like the end is here

and death is callin even when your fine and healthy

death is an option and one i choose not to ignore

i picking death over life

like i choose to love other over me

just one person to be here beside me

one who could hold me in there arm and wiped these tears

make me feel that love i cant understand but hey

i wasnt worth the hassle and never worth the time

:(

[Shellybelly]

LIFE FOR ME

this life im living

has haunted me so much

and im now im trying to hush

these tears

and alvieate my fears

im all alone

and the only tone

i hear

is the the sound of these tears as these drip on down my face

so slowly they fall

just like my heart it shattered and broke into millions of pieces

and now im left broken and damaged with no where to turn

im leaving this hell

for another unkown

dont cry for me death

when in life you turn your back on me

now its time i turn from you

and be the selfrish bitch you say i always was

maybe life is good

maybe somewhere someone did care

but alone in my bed the pain wouldnt stop

and my life life needed to cease to exist

so im takin this step into the unknow

im ending it now in one flick of my wrist

slowly i fade away into unconciouness

and wake up in some other place

hopefully somewhere where love and happiness are widespread

and fear and tears are few and far between

i wanted one wish and it wasnt forthcoming

so now im going to be angel instead of a devil

im told i am here maybe now you will be proud

and i can be what you wanted of me

[Shellybelly]

SOMEONE PLEASE

love me love me

say that you'll love

why wont anyone please just care

i want a hug

and somebody near

i need some love

and help to wipe away my tears

help with my fears

and take me somewhere safe

be by my side

and never let me down

even when i frown

make me your princess and give a crown

take me to your castle

and instead of burning in hell

let me warm my soul with the love that you have

be my angel and mend my heart

give me peace where this turment resides

make me happy and take way my pain

make me love me like you do too

be my friend no matter what i do

:(

[Shellybelly]

IN MY DEATH

if i was to die and be buried would you love me then?

would you come and place a flower on my grave and say you love me?

im afraid of the worm and ants who will come and eat me but at least then i wont be so alone

when i began to rot and decay and these creature become my closest friends will you think of me?

im all alone and dont remember the days i smiled in the sun now darkness has taken over me

im giving up my chance of happiness tonight when i swallowed all those pills

but if i had come to you and asked for your help would you have rescued me?

would you have loved me and held me and forgiven me for all i had done wrong

i finally get away from the hell of this pain and lies and from a home where i never belonged

i know it was my fault and i bought this all upon myself

when i look up at the moon and the dark skies ill be thinking of you and the love i never knew

hatred and pain is making it hard to think clearly in this mind of mine

i cant make up my mind and my pain is killing me more but i guess when im dead ill have plenty of time to clear it up

in this cold dark lonely world of mine

will i still wish for peace as i lay in my coffin in the cold dark earth

will i still feel alone and afraid or will these creature in the soil keep me company

will i then feel your love and know that maybe you did care

or will my afterlife be the same as this life was for me

sad lonely and full of pain...

my heart is pounding in fear and anticaption

maybe ive left it too late maybe ill wake and this nightmare will end

and ill be on the beach and the sun will be shining

and my skin a bright shade of pink

with you laughing with me at my side

and ill know the love of life and the pain of death

[CharcoalKiss]

Very pain-filled poems mickey. Well written, but full of the pain you evidently feel. I hope that the pain can be aleiviated some, and that the people on here and at home can help you on your way to writings filled with hope and cheer.