Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 When you are growing up, despite everything. You never quiet face the realitys of what your life is likely to be like until its there. untill its to late to change it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 you still have that hope somewhere. That when you get away things will be different. You build so many hopes and dreams on that. It helps you to survive during the dark times as a kid. But then you see as an adult how little has really changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 How is it to olate to change it are 23 years old? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 feel SO trapped. feeling even more so due to the bpd flare up. I dont have a great education. I am young with a child. Husband doesnt even acknowledge his actions from last night. It just goes round and round and round. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Ever just want to scream stop!!!! And start all over, knowing what you know now? ive been such a stupid, stupid little girl in all this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Things you can cgange if you really want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Thinking I could get out of the bad stuff by marrying someone. The first person who was serious about it. I was so desperate I didnt see how obsessive, how manipulitive or at times just how cruel he could be. Sometimes how ever bad things are it isnt allways greener on the other side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 You are right about that. What would you like to do about your situation right now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 yes, back to that if i really wanted to. But there is NO ONE. not one person I can turn to for support to do this. I am alone in dealing with everything. With a lot of people still working against me. If I left id loose the plot completely. least my husband keeps me in line and that fear stops me from acting out to much due to a bigger fear of his anger. Then i would have to fight for my child knowing that im not the best parent to raise him alone. FUCK, it all sounds like fucking excuses. there not. there real problems, reall tangible stuff that stops me. See to me the awnser if i didnt have j would be to end it. But I cant and I wont for him. I will never let him become a victim or a statistic of suicide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 I WANT out. But to do that I need a serious amount of support that just isnt available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 lorna did you really fall down the stairs or did he hit you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Is there any place you can go like to a friends or some kind of centre? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Is Lost right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 we had a falling out. I slapped him really hard because i didnt want the sex we had. then i kinda tuned out i may well of fell down the stairs. Im not going to say he pushed me because i dont know. BUT he has never done anything to that extent before. I seriously crossed the line by slapping him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 I dont have any friends in that way. Not that close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 I wasnt expecting him back yesterday at all. So I wasnt ready to give myself to him. I just couldnt do it as much as I tried to. But apparently he had to pick up some kit from camp so he thought he would drop in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Honey, It does not matter if you slapped him. He should not be forcing sex upon you if you don't want it. He should be understanding especially with what you have been through. No matter if you hit him or not NO man should lay his hands on you. Don't feel guilty about what you did because its okay. Even if he did not push you, but if he ever did hurt you physically you need to get out. I only you from talking to you online but I am telling you what I would tell any of my close friends. I care about you and I don't want you to be hurting like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 I know he hit me back. I know i proberly hit him as well though. Thing is i never really remember what i have done to him. Like we went out for the night a few months back. A big bust up, he chucked me into a glass window his reason was I just tried to push him in front of a taxi. But as hard as I try I just cant remember doing it. Amn I that crazy? Then I end up saying sorry over and over for something I dont remember, knowing that if i did do it them i deserve to be thrown into a window at least. I need to learn some how. My face is kinda a bit messy, but that may be due to the floor. (we have a large chest near it so its possible I hit that) I just dont know. What I think doesnt stand up to what he says. I hate not being able to trust my own mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 I am going to help you in any possible way I can. Check your pm box. I wish I were in England I would take you and your son into house in an instant. Or if I had the money I would give you a plane ticket for you to come out here. But, right now I can't so I have to find other ways to help you. I can understand why you are feeling this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Lorna, Could you phone Women's Aid? lots of very very gentle hugs, karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Yes, I have been looking there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 I am totally stunned by what goes on here during my absence..... Lorna - you DO need some serious time out or some help from somewhere, babe.. I am not sure of your circumstances or situation with MH teams or relationships with T's or Doc's but surely something can be done to help you out of this mess..... I am SO sorry I cannot personally help you - I feel useless.... I really am sorry.... Ginny :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Listening to this song and I thought of you Lorna...we are all here for you even if we can physically be there for you. "Count on Me" Whitney Houston Count on me through thick and thin A friendship that will never end When you are weak I will be strong Helping you to carry on Call on me, I will be there Don't be afraid Please believe me when I say Count on... I can see it's hurting you I can feel your pain It's hard to see the sunshine through the rain I know sometimes it seems as if It's never gonna end But you'll get through it Just don't give in cuz you can Chorus: Count on me (mm) through thick and thin A friendship that will never end (ah) When you are weak I will be strong Helping you to carry on Call on me, I will be there Don't be afraid Please believe me when I say Count on... You can count on me Oh yes you can (ah) Oo, I know sometimes it seems as if We're standing all alone But we'll get through it Cuz love won't let us fall Chorus: Count on me (count on me, i'll be there) through thick and thin A friendship that will never end When you are weak I will be strong (I'll be strong) Helping you to carry on (yes, you know) Call on me, I will be there Don't be afraid Please believe me when I say Count on... Count on... There's a place inside all of us Where our faith in love begins You should reach to find the truth in love The answers' there within, oh I know that life can make you feel It's much harder than it really is But we'll get through it (we'll get through it) (Just) Just (don't) don't give in (oh) Chorus: Count on me (count on me) through thick and thin A friendship that will never end (it'll never end) When you are weak (you) I will be strong (I will be strong) Helping you to carry on Call on me, I will be there Don't be afraid (don't be afraid now) Please believe me when I say Count on Count on Count on Count on Count on Count on me Oh yes you can I know I can Yes you can Well So glad I can, count on me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 3, 2005 Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 Lorna, did you call them? What did they say? You need to be safe. thinking of you, karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2005 tried to call all lines are busy. will try again when ive worked up the nerve once again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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