'depressed' Friends

[yorkiegal73]

This really bugs me sometimes. Close friends, ex work colleagues, casual acquaintances. Whenever they have a rough day or feel slightly down they text or phone me to say how 'depressed' they are. Then they expect me to come over all guru like and sort them out.

Firstly, being bored with your job is not depression.

Falling out with your boyfriend is not depression.

Getting nervous because you have your annual appraisal is not generalised anxiety disorder.

Having a bad dream and waking up to thinking a monster is in your room (after drinking 20 pints) is not a sign of schizophrenia. And yes i might have once told you i have insomnia but that's not an excuse to phone me at 3am.

These are the same people who disappeared when i was hospitalised because they couldn't cope with my illness, but now think i'm available 24/7 to help them with their bad moods. They have no idea what real depression is.

[Marchmadness]

Hey --

Try to set boundaries with them. The really are over stepping what

is acceptable. You need to take care of you, and not take care

of them when things are not going their way. Good for you for posting

here, and getting out some of the anger.

Be good

Marchmadness

[Sorrel]

This really bugs me sometimes. Close friends, ex work colleagues, casual acquaintances. Whenever they have a rough day or feel slightly down they text or phone me to say how 'depressed' they are. Then they expect me to come over all guru like and sort them out.

Firstly, being bored with your job is not depression.

Falling out with your boyfriend is not depression.

Getting nervous because you have your annual appraisal is not generalised anxiety disorder.

Having a bad dream and waking up to thinking a monster is in your room (after drinking 20 pints) is not a sign of schizophrenia. And yes i might have once told you i have insomnia but that's not an excuse to phone me at 3am.

These are the same people who disappeared when i was hospitalised because they couldn't cope with my illness, but now think i'm available 24/7 to help them with their bad moods. They have no idea what real depression is.

OH my god PEOPLE!!! You know? Just think yourself lucky that you are not as insensitive or (frankly) unintelligent as these friends of yours.

How can people bear the shame of turning to you for help when they turned their backs on you when you had need of theirs?

I think a bit of laying down the law is called for. If it were me (and I suddenly developed superhuman assertiveness and confidence ) I would take each friend to task and explain to them JUST what is wrong with them:

a) expecting you, even though you are still ill (I think...?) to be there for them as a counsellor just cos you've been there.

b ) totally not respecting your needs and not preempting your boundaries by phoning you in the middle of the night

c) making too many assumptions about your capacity to be able to solve their problems - when it's damn hard enough to solve our own!

d) apparently labelling you as their "mentally ill friend" and almost confining you there in that state because when they have problems, you're a good source to tap into for all things psychologically weird - WHAT a lot of pressure, and what a presumptuous expectation!!

Anyway, I fully understand your frustration yorkiegal so I hope that acts as some comfort... :(

[19ellie]

I hate people!

They do the same to me. Recently I was stuck in the middle of two friends arguing over one bloke (who is in my not so humble opinion, a complete twat!) I told them I was friends wqith them both, and didn't want to be involved.

It can be done, and I think you need to try and set some boundaries. Or tell them you don't know, and not in a good space at the time, however you actually feel.

Helen

x

[sunshine_bear]

Yeah I can empathise with this so much!! Although I blame it on the fact I did psych nursing for two years, I get questioned all the time about mh stuff to do with other people and especially on meds! Grr lol

sunshinex

[Ocean Wolf]

These are the same people who disappeared when i was hospitalised because they couldn't cope with my illness, but now think i'm available 24/7 to help them with their bad moods. They have no idea what real depression is.

Yeah, I get this a lot. Well, they seem to think anything that is not happy is depressing. I think that's why they can't handle people who actually have real depression. It's so annoying.

[LadyMorticia]

I totally know where you are coming from. A lot of my friends only contact me when they want someone to rant to. Other than that they are nowhere to be found. They text me saying how bad their life is and want me to pick up the pieces for them and I can't. I struggle enough with my emotions as it is, without theirs too. I turn my phone off now but I feel really bad about it.

xx