Contact With Mum After 10 Years

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IM REALLY NOT SURE HOW TO EXPLAIN ABOUT MY DAY ITS DEFINATLLY BEEN ONE I WILL NEVER FORGER

THERE IS ONE SISTER I KINDA TALK TWO HAS BEEN HAVING WITH HER WORK AND PAYING HER MORGAGE SHE SURCHED FOR MUM AND WAS ABLE TO FIND HER AS THEY LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN I STAYED CLEAR OF HER AS I WANTED TO MOVE ON IN LIFE AND I WANTED TO BE BETTER .............MY SISTER IS 21 AND A MOTHER OF 4.......WE DONT TALK ALOT AS I MOVED AWAY BECAUSE OF MY PAST ETC........

SHE CALLED ME TODAY AND SAID "EMMA I HAVE TILL THE END OF THE MONTH AND I AM BEING EVICTED AS I CANT AFFORD THE MORGAGE I CANT GET A LOAN AND IM SCARED..SHE CALLED MUM WHO APPARENTLLY JUST SOLD A HOUSE OF WICH WAS HALF OWNED AND SHE GOT £17,000 FOR.....SHE ASKED MUM TO LOAN HER £1500 TO PAY THE MORGAGE ..SHE REPLYED BY SAYING NO IV BETTER THINGS TO SPEND IT ON.

I WAS FURIOUSE .I ASKED MY SISTER FOR HER NUMBER SO SHE GAVE ME IT AND I TEXT HER AS I WAS SO MAD AT WHAT SHE SAID TO MY SISTER.GUTTED EVEN I DID NOT AND COULD NOT TALK TO HER AND BEINGS IM SO SCREWED UP NOW AND DOWN I HAD TO ASK THE QUESTIONS I DID ..

BARING IN MIND IV NOT SPOKE TO MUM SINCE I WAS 15 JUST TURNING 16

THIS IS WORD FOR WORD I WROTE

"TO THE MOTHER THAT NEVER WAS U JUST DONT KNOW WHAT U HAVE DONE 2 ME,WHY DID U HAVE US KIDS WAS IT FOR THE BENEFIT MONEY ?

WHY AFTER U CLAIM HE ABUSED U HAVE US KIDS WITH HIM?WHY DONT U BELIVE WHAT HE DID TO ME?WHY DID YOU DO AND SAY THE THINGS U DID 2 PEOPLE?

ITS DISTROYING MY LIFE IS THIS WHAT U PLANNED DO U ENJOY SEEING PEOPLE IN PAIN ?

WHEN I MOVED IN WITH YOU I STOLE 2 GET YOUR ATTENTION BUT YOU IGNOREDIT I MISS NOT HAVING A MOTHER.I KNOW U WONT REPLY AS THATS WHAT YR LIKE IF ONLY YOU COULD C MY PAIN, ATLEAST HELP BEC WITH HER MORGAGE OR D U ENJOY SEEING HER SUFFER ITS THE LEAST U COULD DO .EMMA OR HAVE YOU FORGOT ME?

2 MINETS LATER THE PHONE RANG IT WAS THE SAME NUMBER I JUST TEXT SO I PICKED IT UP SAID HELLO......A GUY SAID WHO IS THIS I SAID EMMA HE SAID "THIS IS DEAN THE MESSAGE YOU JUST SENT YOUR MOTHER IS EVIL YOU ARE SCUM DONT YOU EVER CONTACT HER AGAIN THEN HE PUT THE PHONE DOWN .

MY HEART SANK I DONT EVEN KNOW THIS GUY APPARENTLLY ITS MUMS FELLA.

I LEFT IT 5 MIN THEN CALLED MY SIS BACK AND SAID WHAT I SAID THEN WHAT HE SAID .SHE COULD NOT BELEVE HE SAID WHAT HE DID SHE SAID DID YOU ASK HIM WEATHER HE KNEW WHAT SHE PUT U THROUGH I SAIS YES I DID ASK HE SAID YES SHE WAS MAD

I SAID TO HER BEC THIS GUY DONT KNOW ME AND I DONT KNOW HIM U DONT KNOW WHAT SHE HAS SAID TO HIM ABOUT ME AS FAR AS HE IS CONCERNED I COULD BE A MASS MERDER ...........STILL HE CALLED NOT HER WHY ?

I SENT ANOUGHER TEXT I AM NOT SURE Y BUT I DID

I DID NOT WANT TO HURT U BY ASKING WHAT I DID BUT THERE QUESTIONS THAT I FELL NEED TO BE ANSWERD I DID NEVER EXPECT U 2 ANSWER THEM ALL AS MAYBE U DONT KNOW YRSELF BUT SURELLY U COULD OF JUST SAID THAT RATHER THEN GETTING YR PARTNER 2 CALL ME SCUM.WAS THERE ANY NEED FOR THAT?

I AM NOT BLAMING U FOR ANY OF MY HISTORY BUT SURLEY AS A MOTHER U COULD OF JUST SAID .IM NOT WANTING TO CAUSE TROUBLE AND IM GLAD U HAVE FOUND SOMEONE WHO MAKES U HAPPY U DESERVE IT BUT SURLLY I DESERVE NOT TO HAVE THIS PAIN I AM SORRY IF I UPSET U BUT YR MOTHER AND THERE HAS BEEN SO MANY TIMES WERE I HAVE NEEDED ONE BUT U HAVE NOT BEEN THERE DO I REALLY DESERVE THIS ?

DO U REALLY SEE ME AS SCUM ?

I PRAY FOR U AND HOPE ONE DAY U UNDERSTAND WHY I HAD TO ASK TEXT BACK IF U WISH.

NO REPLY SO I WROTE 1 MORE TEXT

OK BY U MOTHER not DEAN IGNORING ME I TAKE IT THAT IN YR EYES I AM SCUM THAT DONT BOTHER ME WHAT DOES IS MY QUESTIONS I ASKED

SO IF YOU HAD SAID IT TO TRY TO HURT ME I AM SORRY IT DID NOT WORK I WILL SEND U A PIC OF ME U CAN IVA KEEP IT OR DELETE IT ITS UP 2 U?

DEAN PLEASE DONT INTERFEAR AND LET HER MAKE THIS DESISSION I SHANT BE BOTHERING U AGAIN JUST REMEMBER IF U HAVE A HEART THAT ALL I WANTED WAS ANSWERS U COULD OF SAID U COULD NOT ANSWER THAT ALL U TAKE CARE AND FORGET ME AS ALL HAS BEEN SAID BY DEAN BYE X YOUR DAUGHTER EMMA X

WAS THERE ANY NEED FOR HIM CALLING ME AND SAYING WHAT HE DID ITS A THING I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND BUT WHAT I DO UNDERSTAND IS THAT WHAT A MOTHER SHOULD BE LIKE AND SHE IS NO MOTHER SHE ACTURLLY CALLES HER SELF THE BLACK WITCH AND DEVIL

UMM SHE IS SORRY BUT TRUE .....................I WILL NEVER BOTHER HER AGAIN SHE HAD HER CHANCE

NOW I NEED TO FIGURE OUT WERE I GO FROM HERE SO I STOOD OUTSIDE HANGING WASHING OUT AND SOME THOUGHTS FOR SOME REASON CAME INTO MY HEAD?

A FEW WEEKS AGO I STARTED FEELING SICK WHEN I GET IN A CAR AND THE ONLY TIMES I AM CAR SICKNESS IS WHEN IM PREGNANT BUT THIS CANT BE POSSIBLLE AS IV HAD A HISTORECTOMY BUT I STILL QUESTIONED MY DOCTOR ABOUT IT HE SAID NO CHANCE AND IF THERE WAS IT IS VERY SLIM.....THIS OVER THE DAYS AND WEEKS HAS GOT VERY BAD AND ME JUST THINKING OF GETTING IN A CAR MAKES ME SHAKE FEEL SICK AND MY HEART FEELS LIKE ITS GOING TO POP OUT MY CHEST I GET VERY VERY FAINT NOT EVEN ANTI SICKNESS PILLS THE DOCTOR GAVE ME HELPED ..

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER BECAUSE THERE WAS 5 BROTHERS AND SISTERS WE ALL TOOK IT IN TURNS TO GO OUT WITH OUR FATHER WEATHER IT BE TO THE LOCAL SHOP OR TO LOOK AT A CAR OR EVEN ANTIQUE FURNITURE AS HE USE 2 COLLECT IT ..HE WOULD ALWAYS ALWAYS MAKE SURE I WENT WITH HIM ON THE LONG DISTANCE CAR TRIPS SO HE COULD RAPE ME.....

IS THIS LINKED ?

4-5 DAYS AGO I STARTED FEELING THE SAME ABOUT EATING I KNOW THATS WHEN ME AND MY HUSBAND HAD OUT CHAT WERE I WAS CUTTING MY LEG OVER WHAT HE WAS SAYING BUT AGAIN I FEEL SICK GET SHACKEY AND FAINT THINKING OF FOOD

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I USE TO EAT AND EAT AND EAT TO TRY TO FORGET WHAT HE WAS DOING TO ME

IS THIS LINKED ?

THIRDLLY SLEEPING ......SAME THING CANT SLEEP PROPERLLY AS ONCE AGAIN HE USE TO COME TO ME WHEN EVERYONE WAS IN BED ASLEEP EVEN ME BUT HE USE TO WAKE ME AS U HAD TO GO BY MY BEDROOM TO GET TO THE TOILET AND BECAUSE IT WAS A OLD NURSING HOME IT HAD 14 BEDROOMS AND MOST OF THEM WERE UPSTAIRS BUT I HAD TO HAVE THE BEDROOM DOWNSTAIRS I NOW REALISE THIS WAS FOR EASY ACCSESS?

I KNOW NOONE CAN ANSWER ME BUT TO ME THIS SEEMS TO BE LINKED AND IT HAS ONLY COME IN MY HEAD SINCE I TEXT MUM

ANY HOW TODAY IS A DAY I WILL NEVER FORGET,,,,,THANKS FOR READING

doctor said today i am suffering from pannic attacks