Bathing

[kimik]

Why exactly is it so challenging to bathe when depressed? This may be an elementary issue but I am revisiting it because I suddenly don't understand it anymore.

I haven't been feeling particularly depressed lately, just the usual, but increasing is the lack of motivation to bathe myself. i'm slightly vain as people go, and always care about looking as nice as possible (make up, ironed clothes, stylish stuff etc). You would think a vain person would value bathing as much as putting on makeup carefully, curling her hair etc, right? But my behaviour shows that I do not...

I do shower every day by and large and since I work with people I push myself to do it even when I don't feel like it but my point is, I'm alarmed by the level of very intense resistance I feel to doing it.

Is it just a kind of laziness, low-energy thing? Or is it some kind of unwillingness to release "layers" or built up stuff?

Any helpful insights here? I need some.

Thanks in advance.

[Tray]

i suffer from bad eczema, and so should follow a specific skin care regiem, but when i get really low, i cant be bothered to wash ect... i don t know why, it just seems like to much effert, and maybe its cause i dont want people to notice me, so if i dont look clean, people wont talk to me?

one thing i have always always done, is look after my teeth, but this last bout of bad depression, i dont even do that properly...

the weird thing is for me, when i do drag meself in the shower and cleanse my skin properly, i actually feel better... maybe i dont want to clean cause really i dont want to feel better?

[wordsmithy]

for me, i think its about not giving sh*t about myself. not caring enough to relax and do something nice for myself. i simply "forget".

[nobody]

Why would i want to reward a body that gives me the pain of depression, i just want to make sure i suffer more, because i don't like myself

[sarahjane]

that all sounds familiar to me!!! dont want to feel nice!!!!! no, dont deserve to feel nice!!!!!

[Mole]

I always feel Vunerable in the Bath.

Sometimes it can take me all day to get around to it

[Sorrel]

I always feel Vunerable in the Bath.

Sometimes it can take me all day to get around to it

Oh my god I'm so pleased you said this, Mole. I feel vulnerable too but actually more when I'm showering. I hate just being naked and vulnerable. And I don't trust that someone isn't wacthing me, a spirit or something - to go into my psychotic tendencies.

But in previous times, I have been in too much of a depression even to get out of bed so bathing/cleaning is the last thing on my mind. That's different to what you've talked about though, Kimik. Because you actually are managing to bathe and yet you are aware of a resistence to it still. I sometimes feel that I hate the wetness of the water, it's just so unsettling. Just let it be over with and get me feeling dry and safe. Either way, it's a vulnerable experience.

[rebeccaborderline]

(ahem, ashamed)

When it was really bad, I wouldnt change my clothes or wash for 2-4 weeks. As well as some of the reasons above ie apathy, self loathing, with me it was also about the smell. I thought I was dead or sub-human; if I could smell myself it was proof that I was still alive (as was S/H, seeing injury).

Shows how bad I was that I had absolutely no insight the effect of me not washing must have had on people around me; I was v isolated, but still you sit next to people on the bus, in the cafe.,...

Conversely, as soon as I would be hospitallised, I would spend days in the bath; the only form of privacy (and not even then sometimes)

reb

[skezz]

I too can identify with bits of what you all have said. I sometimes think I'm just being lazy, but maybe not. Like S/H, which I also do, it could be another form of punishment to one's self. I have lots of ways of doing this, not washing, not changing my clothes, lying in bed all day, food, I punish myself lots with food, I'm very overweight, I rarely eat a proper meal and if I do I will eat until I can't move, I eat rubbish, crisps, chocolate. I S/H everyday, sometimes a few times a day. But back to the washing thing. I can go days without washing yet I nag my kids about it all the time.

[DaddyJay]

I don't know what it is with me, I'm unsure whether it's me punishing my body, or lack of motivation. I guess it could be both as I feel both of those things. Similar to Tray, I always look after my teeth and they used to be as white as they can get, but lately I just don't brush them enough. I'm the kind of guy who likes to look good and cares very much about what people think of me, but lately when I look at myself in the mirror and see how my body is suffering, I feel slightly disgusted, but I shrug it off and don't seem to do anything about it, even when knowing that I've got to be around other people. It's so weird. I don't know what goes on in this head of mine.

[kimik]

thanks for your replies everyone.

and here's to happy showers for us all... showers to cleanse our bodies, and our hearts and minds, too...

[ambitions]

Showering is doing something constructive. When you are depressed you don't do constructive things.

[Tammy]

It must be very difficult to go through this. I know with me, if I haven't bathed I force mytself too, not sure how it happens, but it does. It feels like a chore to me, not a pampering.

[Pulsatilla]

Oh I'm glad it's not just me! When I'm really low I can't be bothered to do anything..not wash, not clean my teeth. I've gone up to 10 days without a shower. Everything is just too much effort and anyway I sort of revel in looking and smelling as disgusting as I feel. Like others...if bullied into the shower by my husband "no you don't smell...but you'll feel better if you have a shower" I do in fact feel better. I have the water so hot it hurts....and go to the other extreme. No washing to scrubbing myself raw.

I don't take care of myself in all sorts of ways. I'm diabetic and I don't take my insulin and stuff myself with chocolate. I don't take my blood pressure pills. My GP says I'm committing suicide slowly. That's not the thinking. I just can't be bothered to look after myself. It doesn't seem worth it or important.

[Effervescence]

Okay, I know I'm a month late answering this one, but I had to chime in!

I do the very same thing. I don't know why, it just feels like too much of an effort.

What's the point?? You just have to do it over again.

Also I hate looking at myself in the mirror, and there's a huge mirror in my bathroom....*sigh*

Just call me "Putrid Patti" lol.

[lilylalex]

when im real low i just want to hide and generally shy away from looking after myself, feels like 'the littlest things' are too big, so i try to start smaller than the littlest things n go from there...when i can. Its hard to find any value in looking after yourself when it feels like the weight of the world is upon you, impressioning itself in a very dark way. It pees me off sometimes, almost reinforcing what i feel about myself already.

Sometimes it helps when i do make myself clean up (not that im rank or anything, i just mean when i get low uknow, its harder..), i can put music on or watch something on my laptop, nice distractions uknow, watching/listening to things that I like, my own space, its good to feel that. All so very erratic according to the dodgy moods.

[Shellybelly]

hi

i know for me i find when im down in the dump to get up and out of bed is a effort and i find washing and

even making myself get dressed a huge task so my personal hyine sufferes i do try make myself get up and wash

and dress each day. but now with a broken hand i hate having to wash my hair and have a bath as its a even bigger effort

and it drives me crazy so i know i need to make myself do it i dont find it relaxing or anything so when people say it will help

i say no it wont as seeing myself naked i see a monster big fat uguly thing so it makes me feel worse i guess when i know i smell nice and

my hair is done nice i do feel better but the process itself i hate especially when depressed

hugs

[CharcoalKiss]

A depressed state involves a lowering of neurotransmitter activity and produces lethargy. Even the simplist of tasks becomes a chore, and things that are usually relaxing and 'nice' are seen as pointless.

The phrase someone used to use when in her depression was 'a clean person is a happy mind' Her mind was not happy and therefore she was not clean. I think she took it from some saying about tidy desks... 'tidy desk tidy mind' or something.

[rain]

I haven't tidied up in I don't know how long, it's never been as messy. I haven't showered in a while either and can't seem to find the energy. Yes, I am depressed right now. The simplest thing is so hard :(

[CharcoalKiss]

I haven't tidied up in I don't know how long, it's never been as messy. I haven't showered in a while either and can't seem to find the energy. Yes, I am depressed right now. The simplest thing is so hard

Oh rain i'm sorry to hear you're feeling that way (((hugs)))

[rain]

Thank you for being a sweety, CK :)

[Effervescence]

I have a tdoc appointment later today. If I had any sense (as if!!) I would have taken a bath and washed my hair last night--or at least taken a bath last night and washed my hair this morning.

But do I do the sensible thing?

Of course not!!

I felt lucky to get up the energy just to brush and floss my teeth.

Now I'll have to drag myself out of bed early in the morning to take bath, wash hair, blow-dry hair, pick out clean clothes, put on clothes, put on lipstick (forget the rest of the make-up), drag--er--I mean drive myself over to tdoc's office.....

I don't even feel like getting out of bed. Much less doing any of the rest of it.

Just not worth the effort. :-(

[blakemacleod]

Personal hygene is just one of the casualities of my depression. Housework. Yardwork. Everything just seems to require too much effort. I have to force myself to do much of anything. I would rather simply sit in a chair or lay in bed staring at the walls/ceiling. Sometimes hours go by before I realize it.