Katherine Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 After what happened in Pinky's latest crisis post I am concerned. What was fine for Pinky is NOT fine for me. If I have a crisis will I be taken seriously? As I approach a med dose increase and a potentially painful meeting on Monday and a lot of potential painful emotional trannsitions (leaving training? my flatmates returning in a month...)I am concerned. If I cannot trust the safety of this site then I shall have to find some other support when I need it. This makes me sad....because I value the support I get here because it helps me explore issues with others, and support me inbewteen therapy sessions without having to contact my therapist. I just want to feel fully fully safe. karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 please dont think that. it was inappropriate of me to post it in Crisis Point as i wasnt really there. i was down, but josh knew i wouldnt take offence at his comments. it was all harmless fun and im sorry if you got offended. im very inappropriate at times and i need to control it. i dont have any kind of counsellor or therapist, and sometimes i am out of control. sorry if it upset you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 No one is exactly the same and everyone takes things very differently. Pinky felt scared and alone and whoever was involved in that post was trying to make her feel better. Yes, it should have not continued in the crisis site but Josh made reference to that and closed it out because it was in the wrong forum. It is also a trigger topic and does not have to be read. When you post in the crisis forum everyone takes it seriously and gives you comforting advice. As I said everyone is different and some people here really need a cheering up and the member felt better after. I think that is what counts that people who come here for support are made to feel better. As you are when you post. I hope that you stay and continue on posting. Please don't take offense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 exactly and like i said in another post, i find it easy to joke about my illness when things get tough. sometimes i need to laugh, or i will kill myself. literally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 When our lives our in emotional turmoil its good to have a laugh. It brightens our mood. When I am feeling anxious and I start reading an entertaining topic it makes me feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 I would like to explain this a bit. I have been speaking to pinky enough to know how to react to one of her posts. there are different ways to approach any one person. that approach will change with each individual. The way i reacted to pinkys post was in a way that cheered her up. this put her crisis to one side and she concentrated on the good feeling she had. Her crisis point was put a side. this is what counts. so in answer to your question. you will be treated as the individual that you are. thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 i agree, the posting was inappropriate. josh can do what he likes its his site, but for what its worth, i agree with lorna. but then again, i dont think josh would respond like that to one of us cos he would know it would be unappreciated and we'd react badly, not laugh, as pinky did. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 I hear all your comments. Thank you. Especially to (((lost))) I'd like to say a bit of what it touches on for me----the 10 years of being bullied and made fun of by girls at school. A group of 20. Partly because I was/am abnormal. Have never had a sexual relationship. Because my parents were both highly protective of me(I never ever went out as a teenager or at Uni or never ever to discos etc, never met guys...)uneducated or unwilling to talk to me about the ways of the world as it were, and my father who was so intrusive emotionally, and abrasive and rough physically, unclear of his boundaries, so that I took on his mental ill health as well as my own. So closeness, including the idea or talk of sex in a certain way, can terrify me. And remind me of my abnormality. I'm 35 next month remember. But in certain respects I am still an innocent but wounded child who needs very delicate handling. It was the sexual innuendo I had a real problem with. Perhaps you now feel like having a laugh at me and labelling me a freak. I am scared of talking about this issue of mine here and feel I am taking a risk in expressing it now. I appreciate that I am not Pinky.I am still learning appropriate boundaries. And I respect how it helped Pinky. I'm not going to take away that. I think I'd just like to have seen the thread moved sooner. ......just trying to ensure I'm understood.... (feeling a bit weepy as I type this) karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddypotty Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 Hey its ok to feel like this and its better to say it than hold it in.Keep on with the therapy and thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 No one is having a laugh at you and you defintely not a freak. Your explanation is understandable and well said. Its good that you are honest about this by expressing your own feelings towards sex. Sex requires closeness and you are too afraid to be that close to anyone and by what you have said about your past I can see why. I have a question though...do you choose not to go out on dates now with guys or you are too afraid? Because maybe you should look into your feelings about it. ' But, you are not a freak. LOve, Emma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddypotty Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 Im married and cant handle closeness,scares me rigid,do what is right for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 I have never been on a date. Seriously. The last time I had a friendship with a man was with a boy in my class when I was in Junior School. But it was just a friendship, nothing more. I am afraid of guys. My feelings? Scared of being used, abused, hurt, treated roughly, laughed at (how many guys out there would be truly icompassionate of my situation?????) Not wanting someone else*inside me*---inside me screaming "GO AWAY LEAVE ME ALONE YOU'RE HURTING ME I HATE YOU GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT." I have no memory of having been sexually abused, so I don't think its anything to do with that. But I avoid men. Male energy scares me. Being touched scares me. I want to hit and slap and push away and SCREAM..... Yes, Paddypotty, thank you. It is good to get this out. Painful though, and some kind of relief. k. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 You never have to be with a man...does not change who you are but maybe you if you try to be friends with a guy...maybe from group therapy or where you work it may be a little easier to explore your fears. Not all men are horrible some are really nice and respectful. Its a good issue to explore with your therapist though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddypotty Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 I dont like men much,at least the men in my life bar my son and my dad,they scare the shit out of me so for and often hurt me intentionally and otherwise so I stay beyond them until I feel safe,do what works for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 There really are men who are kind, compassionate, respectful. There really are men who have been wounded, whose hearts have been cut out by women who just didn't like men. I've seen men try so hard to be what she needed and never could succeed, because it wasn't that he wasn't doing it right, it was that she just didn't think men could have any good to offer. What you have just read has nothing to do with any of you unless you are one of the men who has been trod on because they were kind and tried so hard. If you are one of them, I'm sorry, but the bad guys really messed things up for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 Yes, its one of the multitude of issues I'm exploring in therapy....not right at the moment though.... Safety is essential to me. Yes, when I get into a therapy group, I want to explore this as one of my issues. I would like to be a 'proper woman'. But I also have to find myself before I can even think of having a close relationship, blurred boundaries terrify me again. I don't want to push men away but I do want to push them away too so that I feel safe. So if I act the deranged female they will keep a healthy distance and not get close and my feel safe with them and then they turn round and hurt and abuse me later. That was what my relationship with my father was like. When I was very little I was very much daddy's little girl. When I was older and he was more unstable.... karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 Ann, I don't get it, did you write that to paddypotty or to me? You sound angry? What's behind what you wrote? And its not that I 'just don't like men'. You just don't know what it was like in my family as a child. (now I'm angry. I'd better go now.) karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 ***very scared*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 Everyone on this site has had bad and abusive childhoods. But, you can't hide away forever either. I am not trying to sound mean but you do not want to iss out on life has to offer because you can't live past your childhood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 If only it was that easy. I'm going to cry soon.Its not fair. I'm hurting. I hate this. Crying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 What you have just read has nothing to do with any of you unless you are one of the men who has been trod on because they were kind and tried so hard. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I meant that. It is just an apology to all the men who have been hurt by women (including myself) who didn't trust them and didn't treat them well no matter how good and kind they really were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 you probabl;y all hate me now and think I'm a wimp. its not fair, crying so much I'm coughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 ((((((Kari)))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 go on, ban me for being useless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 I could never ever hate you K! You know I love you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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