Weight Issues

[Paula]

i have just realised i have lost a stone in the past week.

im hardly eating at all.

and the thing is, i feel quite good about it. is that wrong?

i only weigh 9 stone. im quite small build.

i have had problems with my weight for years, most of my life. i was bullimic at 14, then my weight has been up and down ever since. i have weighed as much as 12 stone and as little as 8 and a half.

i feel that not eating makes me feel i am at least in control of SOMETHING. i can control what i eat and by restricting my food, i feel sick and hungry. i lie in bed and my stomach rumbles and it feels good. its like a punishment but all i feel is power.

havnt eaten today

yesterday i ate half my dinner because my mum was home.

but i feel quite good about it

[calyps]

Oh Pinky,

I am trapped in eating hell of my own, something I've fought with for years...now I'm 28 and the physical effects of all the torture I've put my body through is starting to take effect. But this like everything else that comes with BPD has to talked over with your doctor. I wish I could help more, I just feel like I have so many wasted years.

Hugs to you

Anwen

[Doctor Dysphoria]

I have got the opposite problem.I'm a fat pig.I know i eat too much but food is comfort

and food is guilt. Eating for eating's sake- the emotional anaesthesia extreme until you lookin the mirror and realise what a fat slob you really are.

[pinklady66]

I have a food issue too. I like my food too much and I go on eating binges. I am overweight and it bothers me. I try to resist the food, but it makes me want more. When I get stressed I eat like a pig..not a good thing either.

[bleeding_rose]

I know how that feels the power the proudness of showing yourself that you have control. Try to get out of it though b/c it's not a good thing to get yourself into b/c at the begining you may think that you have control and you do but, in the end it controls you. I have suffered from an eating disorder since I was 15 years old and I am mostly recovered but, sometimes I go a little weird about food. Like the other day my mom took me to the mall and my sister and I were hungry so we went to the food court and when I saw all of the food there I started crying b/c I felt like someone was forcing it on me and I started crying right in the middle of the mall b/c i was hungry and didn't want to eat but I knew that i had to chose something or else my mom would yell at me so in the end I ended up picking something to eat even though the choice was really hard and then when I got home I wanted to throw it up but didn't which is good for me. But, I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day and one time I ate a cookie and ended up cutting myself and crying and yelling at myself for eating that's how bad I used to be and I would also excirse until I almost passed out and would go jogging nonstop from 2 in the afternoon to 6 at night and my family wouldn't see me for all that time. Only when I started to look like Mary Kate did my parents realize that I had a problem. I don't like the fact that I had an eating disorder but I still like the feeling of power that a hungry stomach gives me so I am in recovery but not at the same time. So I'm telling get out now before it starts to control you.

<3 Liz.

[Chimpy]

I starve myself for days sometimes but my weight is constant although people says my face fluctuates and notice it is looking really thin

[bonita]

well, where to start, I also had an eating disorder when I was 17, I'm 25 now and I'm doing much better, I was anorexic and bulimic, I still feel happy when I'm not hungry, yeah, it makes me feel I'm in control of something, even though I don't need to lose any weight, everybody tells me that, but I always think you can never be thin enough,anyways, I have a pretty healthy diet right now, but I'm suffering the consequences of my poor eating, I broke my hip, due to overexercising and also b/c I have osteopenia, my bone density is really low, that's what keeps me sometimes from starving myself, I need to have a healthy diet, but also when I've done something wrong or feel guilty about something, I go in binge eatings, it's like I eat to punish myself, in the past feeling the hunger pains was the punishment or thowing up was the punishment.

I understand you perfectly, but it's dangerous when you start feeling good about not eating, and you are actually happy you are losing weight when you are already small, it can get out of control, or it can control you, but I know what you mean, I would be really happy too if I'm not feeling hungry and losing weight, it's like nothing else matters b/c I'm looking thin.

[LadyMacbeth]

I have suffered from eating problems since I was 12. Started stealing my mum's slim fast and bring it to school. Stopped eating my mum started paying attention me. Unfortunately I have never been stickly think and I hate myself for it. My mother threaten to kick me out of the house for it when I was about 16. My therapist wanted to put me in the hospital if I would not eat. So I started eating because I am afriad of hospitals...A few years ago it got worse. My weight has fluctuated from a size 10 to a size 3/4.

Last summer it got much worse. Especially after this guy I was seeing told me to lose weight...he told me in bed one morning and I started crying and when he left I was hysterical and then repeated my cycle of punishing myself through starving and puring. After the guy I was in love with slept with me then rejected me I started to become obsessed...Started looking up pro Ana websites and wearing the red bracelet as some kind of control thing. My diet consisted of Slim fast, weight loss bars, 3/4 large coffees a day to speed up my metabolism, green tea diest pills, green tea gum...and if I ate a meal like a Lean Cuisine I would have to get rid of it.

I stopped purging because I saw blood and that freaked me out. Plus, my roommate was a bulimic and she would eat a whole pizza pie plus more and then puke after every meal. I could never eat that much because I feared that it would not all leave my body and I could not make myself sick at times.

After having a panic attack in November...I had to cut out all caffeine and now I am feelike like shit because I am no longer a size 3/4, I am up to like a size 6/8 and I fear that I will gain more weight. I feel so disgusting and fat that I feel that is how everyone else looks at me. What guy would want a fat cow like me.