'parasuicide'

[messygirl]

I get so angry at my suicide attempts being called 'deliberate self harm' and not in fact suicide attempts, which they always have been. I hate the term 'parasuicide' cos Ive never once made an attempt on my life that didnt have intention of death. I still dont think I have this stupid disorder, I think its major depression. It angers me that shrinks just bung you into categories without even bothering to go through the criteria, which I dont meet - if I meet any of it its only because Im human and do so on a very broad, erratic scale. I just feel its the name they give to people who are chronically suicidal and nothing else - this is the case for me anyway. It really gets to me, the number of times Ive tried to take my life as a young child yet didnt tell anyone - surviving because I was simply sick, and I left notes. I havent just taken poxy ODs, I once crawled into a gas oven to the point where the whole house was filled with gas, Ive swallowed whole cans of insecticide (stupid I know but I was only about 12)! repeated hanging attempts, cut wrists. Does anyone know what Im getting at or why it upsets me so much? xxx

[arwentheelfqueen]

Hi messy,

I feel your anguish. I believe all of your attempts were real, you don't have to convince me. Doctors are not very understanding. Maybe because they haven't felt the profound pain they can't understand. They should know though that people who commit suicide usually do so after many previous failed attempts. I think it is rare to do it properly the first time. Maybe they do see how high risk you are though which is why you were sectioned for so long.

As for the diagnosis, as I've posted in other posts, the criteria of BPD are just guidelines. Maybe you don't fit the criteria but your docs can see the pith of your personality which gets you the dx. However, maybe you don't have BPD either. I just wouldn't discount the dx completely based on the criteria. Maybe you should ask your docs why they think you have BPD.

Try not to think about the docs. I think your anger at them will just lead to more dangerous behaviors. They are not worth it! I ask you to try to start a new life. Try to put your energy into living instead of dying. For all of us, please, try just a little more. Make some changes in your life. I think alcohol can lead to depression, for example.

hugs and take care!

arwen

[icu_baby]

I agree but Arwen its not that easy. I was also dx with BPD because of one suicide attempt and because I am sensitive. I don't think that was enough to meet the criteria. Logically, it is best to move on and ignore them but that is easier said then done. To me I think BPD is more sufferable than major depression.

[Moonshine]

I don't wanna cause anymore hurt.....but sorry parasuicide and actual suicide attempts are really similar to me and show me that the person is in ridiculous amounts of pain. I care more about you than the diagnosis. Although i understand that the reason why you are so angry is because drs don't take you seriously enough. If it helps - i do!! Any SH however small or large makes me sad because it shows that person is in pain. It doesn't have to be extreme for them to be in an extreme amount of pain. I'm sorry you are in such pain hun. Can i ask - do you have any health problems because of the attempts you have made? They sound so hurtful.

take care, because YOU matter. (((hugs)))

[messygirl]

thanks peeps. I dunno, aagh I never had an angry bone in my body until I started dealing with shrinks and stuff.

Thanks moonshine- I think Im ok but theyre giving me regular liver and kidney tests cos kidneys started seriously messing up after my last od. mmmeh everything just sucks! xxx