My New Job. Really Need Advice Here. Please.

[Lance]

This is a long read, but PLEEEASE read it if you have the time. I really need this advice, and today preferably. Thank you all.

Hey peoples...

So yeah, some of you may have followed my progress to getting a job. I made a topic about it and it progressed through filling out the application, getting the interview, doing great in the interview, and beating 20 other people to finally get the single spot they wanted to fill. I did well, and did it off my own back (that's a huge thing for me btw). So everything should be superb, right?

No.

Alright, here's what's up. I'm pretty sure I have socialphobia, but nothing official. What's stopped me getting a job all these years is the shear fear of the public and having responsibilty around them. So being on a checkout for instance would be a complete no no for me. I get sweaty just thinking it. So, I eventually got a job a few years back in a warehouse, no public or customers at all. Just a bunch of people having a laugh. I enjoyed that. But that job didn't last too long, quit over a year ago.

So this NEW job. Well, after trying hard to gain some confidence to get one on my own, I decided one day to just say fuck it and push myself. I figured, I liked warehouse work, so why not get something similar? I applied for a job at a big DIY, home depot type place. I thought to myself, it's big, it has a warehouse, I'd generally just be putting stock out and crap.

But I was wrong.

First 2 days were initial training. It was hell for me. For somebody with socialphobia...it's just torture. I'm the kind of guy that would freeze up while standing in a queue. I was the kid at school that shit himself if he was asked to read aloud. So here's what I was pretty much forced to do in the first couple days. I had to use the tannoy system and say a load of staff announcements and crap, in front of a huge store full of people, all my collegues listening in on how well I'm doing with the added pressure of having to get it right. I was literally terrorfied. I understand that to most people, I just sound pathetic. But I don't care, I'm hoping there are others here that would feel the same.

So anyway, I finally pass the training and get on to the shop floor, hoping that I wouldn't have to face another tannoy accouncement. I didn't but instead, I was surrounded by customers constantly stopping me asking me these crazy questions, then seeing their disappointment and frustration when I told them I didn't know. My collegues think I'm just some un-educated low-life with a spotty face and no interests. I have to wear a uniform which makes me feel like a constant target. There's tons of security codes for doors and alarms I need to remember. I've already set off the warehouse alarm 3 times. Embarrassing as hell.

*sigh*

I really can't deal with it there. And there's going to be much more to come. I'm soon getting "training" for checkout work and answering the phones, which could be anybody from customer complaints to the head office boards pretending they're a customer, just to check how you handle it.

Seriously guys, I credit myself for pushing, but this water is way too deep for me right now. It would take forever to settle down. It's physically affecting me too. I've stopped eating due to stress, but at the same time, I'm constantly on the toilet shitting my innards out, or what's left of them. I always feel sick, rediculously anxious about going back tomorrow (working 9 to 6...). I just want to quit guys... But I don't think I could do that. My family are so damn proud and pleased that I've finally got myself some work and some some money eventually. It's been such a big thing. The guys at work have just put all my bank details and tax info through. I can't just leave. And if I did, I'd have to do a weeks notice or something. I don't want to work another day let alone a week!

What do I do? I'm seriously tortured by this job, but I'm thinking of others first yet again, and pretending everything is OK. Everybody would be so dissapointed and angry at me if I quit so soon. "You haven't even given it a chance Lance, how could possibly not like it??!?!?!!!". They don't fucking understand.

Aaahh... I made such a huge mistake getting this job. I should have tried harder to get a job in graphics or music, like I always said I would. I was doing fine with my freelance graphic and web design. I should have tried harder. Really beating myself up over this one. Help...

Peace, Lance

[Pynn]

Wow, I can really understand the situation you're in right now.

I have some social phobia too, but I managed to work in a store too, for 6 months even. Dealing with similar torture every day :/

So. Advice, eh. Well, you could give it another week. You never know, maybe something happens that makes you feel more confident about yourself?

Or, you just quit now. You're probably still on some sort of trial period, I think that's usually about a month or maybe 2? So you probably don't have a weeks notice thingy.

It is really up to you to decide whether you can handle this, or if it's just too hard for you. Is it really so hard that you can absolutely not ever do this? Or do you think you can pull yourself together and try harder?

Put your own well being first, Lance. Think about yourself too. If you can't do it, you can't do it. Keeping the job just because you think others expect you to, is only going to make you feel worse. Trust me, I know.

But, if you stay, give it another week, maybe 2, you never know, maybe it does get easier? It's all new, and yeah sure, you'll make mistakes. But you'll learn from them. Don't be so hard on yourself hon. You deserve way more credit than you give yourself.

So, this is my attempt to be helpful. I hope I helped, if even just a tiny tiny tiny bit.

Oh, and please do try to eat something. If anyone knows what not eating does to you, it's me. Please eat. Or at least drink lots of water and fruit juices if you really feel you can't eat.

Take care hon!

xxx

Lynn

[seafree]

Lance, speaking from past experience- you damn well carry on!!!

When i started working as a sales assistant, i was much the same as you. I even cried when they made me pick up the phones!! But it DOES get easier i promise you that. At the end of 2 years i bounced out full of confidence with some wicked memories from all the boozy staff outings we had (which there will be plenty of). I made new friends and i can honestly say the tears, tantrums and panic attacks at the start were WELL worth it.

Unfortunately it is a case of pushing yourself but you will find you'll get into the swing of things quicker than u think.

DONT GIVE UP!!!

Jess x

[Lance]

Thanks a lot Lynn. Really.

I'm not sure if it's actually made it easier, I just seem to be in even more of a pickle, lol. I'm not sure. I know the easiest answer is to just try it more and see how it goes. But that's easier said than done. I'm not usually a guy to give up on something, at all. But I have such a bad feeling about this. I don't want anything to do with it. Just seems like a huge waste of time and energy. If anything, it's a wakeup call which has led me to realize just how valuable my talents really are. I've been fucking around for years telling people that I'll get somewhere soon with what I do. I never did, I slacked off and thought that I needed a normal job and to stop dreaming.

But the truth is, I have all the talent I need to make something great of myself, get a really good job that pays way more than this stupid thing. It's made me realize if nothing else. Truly it has. I want out. I'm going to put all my effort into turning my talent into a living. It would be a waste to spend my days in a place like that.

I think what I'm going to do is continue with this course I'm actually taking at the moment. If I pass, I get a garaunteed job of £25K/year. And if I fail, I get to do the course again until I pass. It's a win win situation. I don't know why I slacked off in the first place. I need to start appreciating how good I am at what I do best. Fuck this stupid job. I'm better than this.

Thanks Lynn!

Peace, Lance

[Lance]

Hmm...just read your reply Jess. I'm having mixed feelings again now. Could you please read my previous reply and tell me if you still think the same. If you do, then I'll consider changing my mind again...

Peace, Lance

[seafree]

Argh Lance you'll probably hate me after saying this but im going to be brutally honest anyway...sounds to me like you're taking the easy option I've read your previous posts and you need the money right? So whats the harm in sticking with this job even just for 6 months. I know we should do what feels right, or comfortable but sometimes we need to step outside our comfort zone...i've been fucking about for ages now because im so terrified of working. Im back into the same frame of mind i was before i was a sales assistant, because that was 3 years ago ive had so much time off to do my degree the thought of work sends me spiralling into panic. In fact i've had a few jobs which have lasted about 3 or 4 days then thought 'sod this, i can do better, im going to freelance/do another course/find another job'. But really, i've only quit because its easy to do that than to stick at it and muddle my way through the anxiety and social phobia and panic.

Im not sure what course you're taking? But i do graphic design and brand promotion- to get a 'decent job' or 'career' in my field of work im going to be working with clients, doing huge presentations, conversing with people all day everyday- which is basically what ive been doing at uni, but in the real world its gonna be scarier and tougher!! So im going to start myself off with a neutral job, something like what you've got at the moment, in a shop. Whether i have bad feelings about it or find it near impossible i will have to stick at it to prove to myself that i am capable of walking into a job that pays over 25k p/a.

Do you see where im coming from???

Thats just my opinion which is based on my experiences and what goes through my head- i appreciate you're a different person all together but im not going to sit here and type QUIT- which is maybe what you want? x

[seafree]

P.S

I feel like i should back up my theory. Someone once told me the only way to conquer fear is to face it- full on.

Say for example somebody is afraid of heights, and you plonk them at the top of a 100 story building. The absolute worst that will happen is that they faint. Possibly even repeatedly. But at some point, it's going to register that they are at the top of this huge towering building and eventually, they will run out of 'fear'- the emotion will cease to exist. Its the only way to get over a fear.

In your case, being physically ill is a side effect of your fear- your body saying to you 'ARGH im scared i cant do this help help help!'. But you will find that if you press on with this job, the emotions you are feeling at the moment will run out. And you'll be left feeling normal, and then start to actually see the positives. Hang on a second- im making new friends, developing a hectic social life, meeting members of the public and helping them out (and it will make you feel good) and your confidence will soar.

Maybe? x

[full blown sarcasm]

well i'm kinda with Jess on this one. Like she's said, quitting is the easy way out. I was a shop assistant for a while (was helping out a friend who runs a shop and i wasn't even getting paid for the job). I can assure you i was terrified of working there, facing all these people every single minute. not to mention it was a christmas period so there were tons of people flocking in and we had to work till late. i was new there so i didn't really know how things worked and i had to constantly ask the other staff and make loads of mistakes. i understand how you feel when people ask you something and you have to tell them you don't know. its frustrating to see them walk off annoyed.

however things do get better. it took me a while to adjust to it all but i did and i was proud of myself in a way. i faced my phobia and noone could take that fact away from me.

my opinion on your situation is that at least give it your best until the training is over. all i can give is advice because in the end it is your decision. if after training you still can't get by, then its no point forcing yourself anymore because as Lynn says your health does have a top priority. in the end all you want is not to have any regrets later on because then you can at least say you gave it your best. besides you need the job for the money so maybe that can be some sort of motivation.

[Pynn]

well, while you are taking the course, you could still keep this job. You know, work on your anxiety, make some money too. You can always quit the job when you finish the course and get a new job Might help you further on in life you know, working on your phobia now instead of letting it win...

I think it's really wonderful that you acknowledge your talent, and that you can use it as a way to get somewhere in life!

Let me know what you decide, ok?

xxx

Lynn

[Lance]

You guys are right... The worst that could happen is I get sacked. That's no big deal, and I'll take one hell of a beating before that happens anyway. I do need to face up to it. I guess it's the only way to try and overcome it really. It'll either cure it, or make it worse, just depends.

You know what, I'm gonna try my damned hardest to get positively hyped about this. Give me a challenge! I'll do whatever I have to. The truth is, I need to man-up and shake off these child-like fears. "I'm scared of people". Heh, well good luck in a world of over 6.6 billion of them! You know what I mean? What's going through my head right now is my future. If I'm to have a family of my own, I need to learn how to take responsibility and be a man. All this will pay off for me in the end. I'll know more people, so more chance of me finding somebody. I'll start to build some money so I can move on. This is a good thing. At the end of the day, all it is severe embarrassement, and that doesn't last forever, it can be controlled.

And to all those who think I'm making a HUGE deal about this simple thing, well I'm gonna have to tell you I don't care what you think, and I need to keep that frame of mind!

Thanks everybody. You've all certainly switched my thoughts to positive! Wow, you really did. Glad I made this topic now Cheers guys. Here, have a beer from me

*heh heh....nervous laugh*

*hope this mood lasts until tomorrow*

*hmm....yes*

*whistles*

*eats lasagne*

*WTFFFFF???*

Peace, Lance

[Pynn]

Haha I'm happy you feel better Lance!

Yay for making such a great decision! Be proud of yourself!

Oh and this isn't 'making a big deal out of it', this stuff really bothers you, so it's NOT a simple thing to you. And I know many people on here can relate to the problems you described.

hugs!

xxx

[Lance]

Thanks hugely Lynn. You don't mind me calling you Lynn all the time do you?

Something else I'm going to do is only focus on one day at a time, maybe even one hour at a time. All day I've been thinking "omg, my first WHOLE week there. So much could happen". Now I'm thinking "it's only a day, I've had a day there before. And ooo, I get an hour lunch instead of half hour, wo0!".

And just to really make it interesting, I'm going to give myself an extra boost and have a browse around the store on my days off, so I can get to learn about the products without being pestered. And I'm sure that will go down well with the "employee of the month" voting Can't believe they have that...

OMFG a bird just flew into my room!! Scared the shiiiit outa me. Went out again once it saw me. Daaeemmmnn.

Peace, Lance

[Pynn]

Nooo I don't mind at all! It's better than Pynn!

I actually kind of regret taking up that nickname, it's stupid! I can think of way better things now. I just never expected to become as active as I am on here

It's great that you're actually planning to know more about the products!! That'll come in handy when people ask you questions, then you don't have to send them off with 'I don't know' and you'll feel loads better!

And. I had a bird fly into my head the other day. Seriously. I was in the backyard talking to my sister, and out of nowhere this thing just flies right into my head! I almost shat myself!

[Lance]

Lmaooo about the bird!

Hey you know, I think you're allowed 1 username change. So if Lynn isn't taken, ask a mod and they would happilly change it for you. Other people have, so I can't see why you would be any less important, you're important to me

Peace, Lance

[Tray]

heya, i know im late in the reply... blame the footie and the pub!

but i think... u should try, and like u say, the worst, u get sacked... the best, bum about and get paid for it!

i have left jobs halfway throu a shift... those just popping to the loo moments to NEVA return lol

it is better to grow old and say 'I tried' than to grow old and say 'well i had the chance, but i didnt go for it'... its better to regret than to wonder i think!

oh n Pynn... i so love that name, how did u come up with it...

and Jess...ur cool! x

[BlueBrendan]

Lance,

I'm late coming in here on this one but reading through it I myself have taken a little bit of bottle from it too. So the obvious quote that comes to mind and I grit my teeth as I write this but 'the best way to conquer fear is face it full on' and I am taking that with me tomorrow in facing my work and my ex at work. I mean that so much. I read the posts of Pynn, Jess and yourself with great interest and knew there was so much I could apply to my life right now.

I know very little about socialphobia but I know enough about been among people and been very depressed and so I just know how hard it all is. Its a living hell and I swear I'll never do it but I always end up in the situation. My reading of the situation here Lance is you have nothing to lose.By all accounts you have got through a few stages and done well. Slap yourself on the back.Had you not gotten through them you would not have moved on. Tell em this if you are that bad and that feared in life how the hell did you convince the interviewers then that you were able for that.I don't suffer from socialphobia but interviews are not easy ever.You clearly convinced them above 20 others and so they believe in you already.

So you would quit this and wait till after you finish your exams and qualify.Thats a plan and a back up plan but why not turn this situation on its head. You will still carry that socialphobia with you to that chosen career.So why not battle it now. Why not at the very least say you tried and if you fail you fail bravely.If it gets too much explain to your bosses your position.They might give you more credit and respect for having the balls of trying to take this on given your situation.Whats the worst can happen.They let you go or they may find something for you where you don't have to deal with this and you can slowly build up your confidence and maybe progress.

So many options Lance.Do not throw them all away. This is a handed opportunity for you and however difficult it is an experience that will help you so much.You have come this far.Lets take it on a bit further.

Respect and best wishes whatever you decide.

Brendan

[Pynn]

@ Lance:

Thanks sweety, both for the advice and the nice comment

@ Tray:

Well. My friends call me Pynn sometimes Which is short for my other nickname: Pynnoldoren. Which doesn't make sense at all. It's randomness at its randomnest! I have friends that come up with the most random things. So I wasn't really trying to come up with anything interesting, and chose this

@ BlueBrendan:

I'm so glad to hear my advice was good for you too!

I liked reading your reply, you have very good insight!!

[Lance]

Damn Brendan...thanks so much for that reply. I'm already loving your style here. You have a way of making us appreciate ourselves. Like here, the way you said that I've already gotten through a relatively hard part of convincing them that I'm the guy for the job. I do need to start giving myself credit. Or rather, just take notice of what I have accomplished, rather than turn a blind eye to it and focus on what I haven't accomplished all of the time.

Thanks everybody for helping me on this. I really do feel much much better about going back. I'm actually (almost) excited about it. Want to get my teeth into it and do the best I can. Cheers peoples.

Peace, Lance

[BlueBrendan]

Damn Brendan...thanks so much for that reply. I'm already loving your style here. You have a way of making us appreciate ourselves. Like here, the way you said that I've already gotten through a relatively hard part of convincing them that I'm the guy for the job. I do need to start giving myself credit. Or rather, just take notice of what I have accomplished, rather than turn a blind eye to it and focus on what I haven't accomplished all of the time.

Thanks everybody for helping me on this. I really do feel much much better about going back. I'm actually (almost) excited about it. Want to get my teeth into it and do the best I can. Cheers peoples.

Peace, Lance

You mate are very very welcome. The thing is Lance I'm good at helping others.I just cannot to a thing for myself.Helping others work out things helps me in my battle and I feel so much stronger. I shouldn't say that but I do feel a little better and I appreciate it.

Sometimes its easier for us to see things than somebody who is stuck in a bad place trying to negotiate out. I love the way this forum can make a real difference in the way we deal and approach our everyday lives.

Go forth and prosper young Lance.

Brendan

[Lance]

Wow...you're a real gem mate. Thanks a lot I'm looking forward to getting to know you around here and return the favour wherever I can. Cheers buddy, here's to you

Peace, Lance

[BlueBrendan]

Wow...you're a real gem mate. Thanks a lot I'm looking forward to getting to know you around here and return the favour wherever I can. Cheers buddy, here's to you

Peace, Lance

I'm finished work in an hour and a half and I'm definetely having one of them. Sadly I'm on again in the morning but I don't mind as long as I feel a wee bit better to be honest and I have done tonight. Thanks Lance and feel free to continue on this thread.When you go to work think about what has been said and what you have learned on here and remember that weight of support behind you willing you on to succeed.

You deserve it.

Brendan

[rain]

Awww, so much love and positivity!

You have helped me too as I am going to have to start working soon :)

[Lance]

OK time for an update.

Today went really well surprisingly. I managed to keep that great frame of mind you all got me in to. I've been working my ass off today in the outside garden section, I love working with all those plants, soils, composts, concrete, and wood. Hard work, very heavy shit too! But I think I've impressed them enough to put me in that section full time. People are starting to get to know me too, dare I even say like me.

I'm also trying to show as much enthusiasm as I can. My hours were 9-6, but I stayed an further hour and a half to finish up a few jobs and make the garden area look as awesome as possible. It's cool actually as I'm pretty loose to express my creativity with how things are displayed.

So all in all, I think I've recovered fairly well. I dying for a cig now though...it's 9 PM and haven't touched one. Gonna go for a walk and smoke a pole. Hmm...doesn't sound too pleasant!

Peace, Lance

[Pynn]

Wow, that's so so great hon!!

That's certainly a way better attitude than you had a few days ago

I knew you could do it!

Enjoy that cig now

xxx

Lynn

[rain]

That sounds like a neat little task, and creative freedom is of course very important. Yay, they're starting to get to know and like you, and vice versa I assume? You've turned things around quite well, on to the next day Hope it's not a scary thought anymore. Enjoy your free hours now, relax!