Lauren Posted February 7, 2005 Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 Do you think its possible that the real hurt and anger can hit you all of a sudden? Things seem clearer, much clearer lately. I am so angry, so hurt . see i did a lot of cbt. it never looks at dealing with the past. so i gained a certain amount of recovery but the negative feelings for myself never went away. Now I feel like someone has died. I feel so alone, so scared so young. Like the slightest word can send me crashing down into despair. How do you deal with these feelings? last few weeks they have just been pouring out of me more and more intensely. accepting that it was abuse. abuse proberly on a large scale. i knew the logic before. course i did. but i couldnt accept it in my heart. now i seem to be and it hurts, it hurts so frikkin bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 7, 2005 Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 Yes, I think it is entirely possible that real hurt and anger can hit you all of a sudden. Years of bottling up my anger and sadness has taken its toll on me. For two years I hurt people by shutting them out of my life. I could not take the pain so I avoided life. Now that I am coming back to reality the anger and sadness hit me right smack in the face. I am finally coming in touch with the past and as a result I have panic attacks and or bouts of anger that seem to appear out of nowwhere. Although, I feel more like myself in ways such as seeing the beauty in others and feeling again since for sometime I lost the ability to feel, my anger and hatred toward those who hurt me as intensified immensely. I have been in psychotherapy but never really had the ability to articulate my feelings towards the past. I am in CBT now which is helping me for my panic attacks but there are parts of the past left untouched that I really need to uncover. Its hard to deal with them alone Lorna. I wish that you could find some help dealing with them asap. But, for what it is worth you are exploring your demons and understanding yourself. As you are making progress of course you are going to start feeling the hurt, anger and pain that has been bottled up for so long. Instead of avoiding these feelings by doing distructive things that take away that moment of pain you are attacking them head on. Of course its going to bring you an array of anxiety as you are begining to accept this. It feels easier to avoid these feelings and just push them back in your head but they can't stay back there forever and when they surface they come back at full-force. Maybe you should have a conversation with your gp and he may possibly help you find some help. Love, E Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 7, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 it hurts so much. my chest is tight one minute im crying the next im laughing at god only knows what. I feel like ive lost something of great value to me. But I havent. its nothing to do with my husband. in many ways thats a seperate issue. The pain is curling around my barriers, trying its hardest to wash them away. I can not withstand that level of pain yet. Iam barely holding it together with what seems to be coming out of no where now. Is this what its like to be crazy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 7, 2005 Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 By posting how you feel right now you have proved you are not crazy because if you were crazy you would not be in touch with reality. You are in touch with reality and you will never go crazy. My chest is really tight as well. My therapist just told me ot close my eyes and get intouch with my five senses...feel your senses because its supposed to help you stop analyzing and thinking as much. You are a thinker like me and your thoughts are making you anxious. In actual fact your fears will not harm you...They are just feelings stemming from obsessive thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted February 7, 2005 Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 I feel so alone, so scared so young. Like the slightest word can send me crashing down into despair. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Lorna, I understand these two lines very well. I was feeling just that way last night and this morning. Just putting on my rubber boots made me feel like a child, and feeling like a child isn't a good thing for me. When you speak of the pain being especially intense now, it makes me think of a boil coming to a head. Let it drain out of you (such a romantic thought - gross). I hope that as it leaves you, it will hurt less and less. XXX Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 7, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 Thanks girls. Nice imagery ann xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wisdom Posted February 7, 2005 Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 Read the book: "TOXIC PARENTS" Overcoming their Legacy and Reclaiming your Life excellent reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 7, 2005 Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 (((((((((((lorna)))))))))))) I understand how you feel. I have been there very much myself recently...so my heart really does go out to you. Grief is grief so has to be processed through like any other grief...that's my experience. And, anything that boosts your self esteem, makes you feel good about yourself....can only help. But talking to someone about all this is very important. Being understood and validated face to face. Lots of agencies and training institutes do reduced means based fees. hugs, karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 7, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 Wiz, Am reading toxic parents right now. Think that may in its self played a part in this. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 7, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 kari hunni, (((hugs)))) so sorry to hear you are in a bad place as well still. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 7, 2005 Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 (((((((lorna))))))) but I'm feeling a bit better now...got some anger out in therapy this morning...and had a good meeting with my ex tutor. I am still quite pissed off with what my life has been, how I've repeated patterns of my past and still been misunderstood and 'attacked' emotionally...but I can change now to trying to do what I enjoy and know I am good at....writing....any tips????? karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 7, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 How do I write? free flow mostly. Not any particular style though I really should lol. Just write what ever comes to mind how ever irrelevent it sounds. It normally fits for some reason. You will know yourself what works for you. What form you tend to take. I think the easiest way to ruin what could be a good read is when the writer hasnt thought to much about how its going to sound when read by the reader. It either needs to flow well or be jagged for a reason. have fun know some great crit sites if you want them, though they ripped my stuff to pieces for a year before i got one positive comment lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wisdom Posted February 7, 2005 Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 The information found in the book is very triggering. Her stratagies are excellent. I've incoorporated her recommendations in my own life of drama. Its been helpful. My family no longer holds me hostage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 7, 2005 Report Share Posted February 7, 2005 thanks for tips lorna....will stay clear from crit sites for now...this is for fun! And on the thread -- "Breaking the cycle of abuse" by Beverley Engel is good too-has a whole chapter on healthy separation from parents, and lots on shame...I need to get doing some of the exercises though....hard....praps we could have a thread where we do stuff like exercises in books like this, and comment????? (its ok Josh, I'm not suggesting another forum, honest.... ) karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted February 8, 2005 Report Share Posted February 8, 2005 ((((((((((Lorna)))))))))))) I feel for you...... but cant say what I feel - too much would come up.... Just know I am hearing your pain.... Ginny :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wisdom Posted February 8, 2005 Report Share Posted February 8, 2005 Maybe a forum for subjects of coping skills, methods to get thru it........... how we might treat/help ourselves in a healthy way in absence of other discussion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted February 8, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 8, 2005 We have a recovery forum. Maybe a thread could be started in there? I know the best tool ive ever had is the five steps. will explain it further over there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wisdom Posted February 8, 2005 Report Share Posted February 8, 2005 Thats cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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