A Decision

[seafree]

Living with BPD and Bipolar has so far been a nightmare, but a few weeks ago i posted that it wouldnt ruin my life anymore.

Ive managed to get my degree and today i've found a job, its nothing much but will give me a bit of money over the next 10 weeks, im going to temp part time as an admin assistant. Its 9-1pm monday to friday which means ive had to give up group therapy and my psychologist appts ive been waiting for 2 years for. Thankfully at the moment im pretty stable due to my meds but im still sat here panicking about my decision.

I had two choices, to find part time work and break myself in slowly, or go on job seekers and benefits while i carried on with months of therapy. It was virtually impossible to combine work and therapy, i would of only been able to get bar work which would bugger up my days and nights which have taken years to get straight again. To go on benefits would just give me a reason to continue with the drugs (it takes a lot of um'ing and ah'ing when you've slogged your guts out at work to blow £40 on coke that is going to be sniffed within half an hour!) I eventually decided that to start with half days monday to friday would get me into a routine, get my motivation levels up and get me out of bed in the morning! The opportunity arose for this admin job and i had to take it today or i'd have missed it.

I'd be really interested to hear your views? Im worried i'll end up spiralling into a black pit of depression again, that thought always chips away at the back of my mind but since xmas i've been so much better- will it carry on? I hope so...

Anyway, let me know wat you all think,

much love,

jess x

[denise24]

First off congrats on the new job!!!!!!

Stick at it, I think it will help you more than anything else. It will keep your mind occupied. Keep your head up Your doing so well!!!! xxx

[Marchmadness]

Jess -

I think you made a great choice there! You looked at what your needs

were and you made your decision based on what you needed and wanted.

That is great when you can put yourself first. Good for you!!! Part time

will get you back into the swing of things, but also give you down time.

Well done.

March

[Lily-Bee]

I can understand the fear of falling back into depression. I think it takes time to find that you are really doing better and trust that. Keep doing what you are doing because you are doing really well and the things you are doing like a part time job can only help you I think.

Also if you do find yourself feeling depressed again remember that it doesnt have to mean you are going to go all the way down, we all have little fallbackss sometimes and people without BPD sometimes have a hard time too.

Lilly