Dissociation

[ragdoll]

guys i need some advice on dissociation. its something i dont really understand all too well. i know enough to know when it is happening to someone else, but not when it is happening to me. and yesterday i was diagnosed as having dissociation disorder. here in aus its not abreviated to DID its just called dissociation disorder. i have a friend who it happens to all the time and i dont go to the extreme that she does. she really goes back into herself and out of reality that you cant even touch her or she loses it. everynow and then i pass out but i thought it was just fainting and even when im talking to ppl i dissappear and have no idea what they are saying. is this dissociation?? i really dont know much about this and need some help with knowing what this is. i thought bpd, ptsd, ed, anxiety, sp, and the physical shit i had were enough now they have to go and diagnose this. i feel.......so.......um........privilaged.........NOT

[wabbit]

Raggy me darlin, DID and a Dissociative disorder are 2 different things. DID is prolly better known as Multiple Personality disorder, with known alters. Personalities that have been created in order to survive great stress and abuse. You can have a Dissociation disorder without having alters. To me when I dissociate, its like a really deep zoning out. And even though ya know its happening, you are powerless. Usually ppl dissociate when things are very stressful and they cant deal with it.

This is how I understand that, if it isnt right I would like someone to tell me. ( Like y'aint gonna tell me?)

Take gentle care

Wabbit

[flippy]

I tend to lose time but also i get feeling of detachment of being sort aware of my surroundings but like i am above myself watching. It happens to me usually when i am stressed out of my head.

I do have 2 alters so to speak but they tend to be the parts of me that me as me cant be, for example i dont really do anger but one of the alters does. They dont cause me any great harm and so far have only presented themselves to one person so it doesnt stress me out too much.

take care

flippy

[ragdoll]

my new counsellor asked me how many personalities i had. i had no idea what to say to her. and that was only after telling her i had bpd. that is something i had never been asked before. so i had to keep a personality switching/mood diary for a week. OMG did i change, i had no control and they popped up when they wanted to when i was stressed and anxious. and when i was stressed i got very angry at the snap of the fingers. This is all very new and im scared. very scared. i only just got used to telling ppl about bpd what do i do now??

[befuddled]

I don't understand the business with the alters either.

I don't think that just emotions that pop up and take over are alters - but maybe they are.

I don't know if the fact that I am one way with other people and another when alone makes two personalities or not.

It's a very confusing issue. You see me posting long enopugh you will notice contradictions. I contradict myself. Does that mean I have one or more alters?

Who knows? Not me.

I do know what you said about the dissociation - I do have these times when I am there and aware but seem detached from myself and reality. I call them inertia because I am unable to do anything at all in that state. I just sit there.

[Betsy]

My psych says I "depersonalize" It's like dissasociation with out the alters. I just go deep inside myself. Before that happens the walls begin moving and real space starts disintegrating.

They are going to try and medicate me out of it - that and hearing vocies. I don't mind the voices as i figured out a long time ago they were only voices and they don't scare me.... so why do i need more meds to get rid of something that doesn't bother me?

The depersonalization does bother me.

Bets

[verbena]

Dissociation is my absolute favorite part of this. I welcome it.

[violetblue]

Wow, looks like a lot of us disassociate. I find that when I disassociate I'm there, but above myelf watching the show with NO FEELINGS> of course I do this because it hurts so bad, and frankly don't think it's a horrible thing. I have found if I want to be back "in the body" i simply ask myself, "what am I feeling". because in realilty the body is always feeling something, content, sad, upset, angry, happy, something, and disassociating is my attempt to not feel. Before I do this I make sure SURE, I'm in a decent place, and soothe myself, and remind myself I'm okay, everything is OK. Sometimes I even remind myself if I must, I can disassociate again :)

[verbena]

The only downside for me is that it leads to lost time, and sometimes I don't have information I really needed because I wasn't "there".

Verbena

[summer]

Sometimes I see my dissociation as a blessing because it gets me out of my present situation at that moment. Other times I see it as a curse because I lose so much of what is around me including time. I have several command alters that I can not overcome and some that I can overcome. It's those that I cannot overcome that really try to harm me so I have to be very careful in everything that is around me in those moments.......it is a hard road to follow everyday but some meds help alittle and my determination to not let this get me down gets me through the day. Hugs to all :wub:

[verbena]

What is a command alter?

Verbena

[Shoe Panda]

Bets: Perhaps by treating you for the voices you hear, they're not trying to get rid of what's present so much as they're trying to prevent it from becoming worse. If you have questions, you should ask your docs about it, most def.

[Shoe Panda]

ah yes, I suppose I should post something relevant to the topic. ^ ~ I have experienced two major episodes of what apparently is called 'dissociation.' (You learn something new every day, eh?) The one that comes to my mind first occurred after a poem I poured my soul into because I was in so much goddamned pain. After I finished it, I felt nothing, I cared about nothing. And to me, it was absolute bliss and relief to be free from the pain I had been feeling. The second was a similarly painful day. I was in church at the time, and I walked out and wandered the grounds for a time, and as I wandered I again felt nothing, and felt like no one could touch me, no one could hurt me.

[Lottie]

Raggy me darlin, DID and a Dissociative disorder are 2 different things. DID is prolly better known as Multiple Personality disorder, with known alters. Personalities that have been created in order to survive great stress and abuse. You can have a Dissociation disorder without having alters. To me when I dissociate, its like a really deep zoning out. And even though ya know its happening, you are powerless. Usually ppl dissociate when things are very stressful and they cant deal with it.

This is how I understand that, if it isnt right I would like someone to tell me. ( Like y'aint gonna tell me?)

Take gentle care

Wabbit

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for explaining that to us I was really concerned as I was told the same thing its very frightening :(

[ragdoll]

hey guys its started happening again and im affraid. i basically lost all of tuesday. i have no recollection of cooking dinner, although brad tells me it was really nice and he has been eating the left overs. i tried them today and omg it was yuk, he hired some dvds that i dont remember him hiring out. its like im passing out for periods of time. its not like someone is taking over i dont think, its just like im losing time. then yesterday i had gastro and today i woke feeling fine but now a few hours later i feel like shit. i was hoping someone was online to talk to about this but there isnt anyone but thats fine this is cool. i feel all numb it feels like ive taken an overdose you know. I HAVENT!! but that is just how i feel all spaced out and off the planet. tell me something those of you who have had kids can you feel this way if you are pregnant, don't know it and still taking your meds? cause i was late with my three month contraceptive injection this month. i thought it was due next month? i really dont feel to good atm.

rag :(

[Amy]

Hi ragdoll, I'm new and I don't know if you are still concerned about being pregnant. I do have children, but I was unmedicated without an accurate dx at the time. I didn't fully "fall apart" until after. If you aren't pregnant, then maybe think about an IUD, that is what I chose so I didn't have to worry about forgetting. I forget things very easily. I am almost to the point of putting post-its all over my home to write myself notes.

If you are having a baby, then best wishes to you.

I dissociate, I didn't know there was an actual name for it until a few months ago. During one of my therapy appointments I discussed "losing minutes". We went into detail about it. Example, I will take a shower, and forget doing it, or wash dishes and forget doing it. My son will come in from playing and I later will think he is still outside. She told me the key was to try to learn my triggers and how to get myself more in tune with them. Unfortunatly, I don't have clear memories before the age of 17, so my triggers may never be figured out. It can be very frightening and confusing. Just try not to get lost in the confusion. When you "come back" try to ground yourself somehow. That is what I do. Some would journal it. Just whatever works for you. See I am trying to figure all of this out for myself as well.

Good luck

Amy

[cloudyfox]

Hi guys. I found this thread very interesting, especially all the different ways people dissociate. I tend to go emotionally numb and feel as if I am outside the world looking in through a window. Sometimes the world seems unreal, almost like a film set. Also I forget what I've done or don't realise I've done something.

I'm afraid I don't have any coping strategies yet because it's only recently that I realised this doesn't happen to everyone in their everyday lives.

Take care.

[Angela]

Hi,

When I disassociate, I feel like I am not here, but in some other world. Everything looks strange, I notice things I don't normally notice like colours getting brighter. It feels like I can tear through what I am looking at as nothing feels grounded. I also wonder who I am and when I look at myself I don't recognise who it is, they look strange and foreign to me. I have felt like this since I can remember. It used to really scare me because I felt trapped in different worlds and wasn't sure if I was alive or not. I still feel like this, but it no longer scares me, especially since my psychiatrist explained what was happening; didn't actually realize there was a name for it until then.

Angela :blink:

[cloudyfox]

Angela - you put that so much better than me. That's what I meant by the world seeming like a film set - all fragile and unreal with extra colourful colours.

I really did think it was something everybody experienced until I read about it.

Cloudy :unsure:

[Angela]

Cloudyfox - Yes exactly! It felt strange, but I thought everyone felt like this!

Does anyone know why it happens? (apart from stress) - is it a chemical thing?

Angela :blink:

[ragdoll]

hey all, welcome to the newbies. ive discovered that i tend to fague when im really tired, like exhausted from work and ive been told that its still dissociating.

why it happens i believe is a way for us to cope with a situation we are in or what we are thinking in our conscience or unconscience. its our minds way of dealing with the bad thoughts/the memories. as i know its horrible when it happens and its confusing. but as it hasnt happened to me for a few weeks now and im in my stable mind i can say its good that it happens because i dont think i really want to go through or know what is going on in my head sometimes. considering how i used to deal with it many months ago. NO THANK YOU.

anyway i might be wrong in what i just said im sure there are many more ppl with much more knowledge on this. as you can tell i started this post not knowing anything. i only know more now as i have spoken to my shrink and counsellor about this and done some reading on the topic, but still i might have misinterpretted everything.

goodluck and let me know in case i am wrong

stace/rag

[cloudyfox]

Hi ragdoll

I think you've got it exactly right. That sounds just like what I was reading on the web last night. It's weird that our brain protects us like that. It must be some sort of innate survival mechanism.

Cloudy

[Katherine]

Hi,

I dissociate too, I 'disappear', to protect myself from overwhelming feelings, I either 'go blank' or wrap myself in intellectuality-psychobabble as it were. Going deeper into it in therapy-coming to a place where I can feel in my eyes them drawing back, like I'm looking at something very frightening.

(ptsd traits from traumatic birth, being bullied, dysfunctional family)

The thing is, I don't 'lose time', I'm still very conscious, but there's 2 of me, the frightened child that disappears, freezes, paralysed, and the adult me, that may or may not be my 'real self'... I'm not sure if these are 'alters', but its on that continuum.

:huh:

[Ginny]

I think I am much like lorna - I tend to know when I am dissociating.. It is usually an unconscious decision but I suddenly find myself in my bed holding one of those hand held computer games and I wont let go of it for hours - I use it to zone out of the real world..... I am not able to verbalise properly and wont answer the phone, or the front door and just withdraw. A few years ago I totally lost it and just refused to speak - to anyone. I was dumb for about 3 weeks - I think it was an actual decision I made but I dont know what made me make that decision. I was still moving about in the real world but just not speaking.... is that dissociation???

Thanks for all the posts on this - it has been very informative - raggy, I feel for you...

take care - and all you others out there too

Ginny :mellow:

[claudine]

I always related my disossiative episodes only to incidents of abuse where I felt physically removed from my body, and felt I was observing from a different place, but my vision was odd, blurry, distant. Are there varying levels of it? I also have at times had great difficulty paying attention or listening, concentrating. I was constantly getting called a 'daydreamer' as a kid (what a nice way to put it) But I missed huge chunks of school and got tossed back and forth into 'special needs' classes and advanced classes. Currently, I find I have to put conscious effort into 'staying' and can usually succeed in doing it. I was told I was 'mentally lazy'. all throughout school. They had convinced me pretty thoroughly that I was a stupid shit by the time i graduated high school. :wacko: