Can Anyone Relate? Please Read.

[ktodee_27]

I can't concentrate on any long task like cleaning, book reading, tv, or any long task of any sort right now, even reading long posts. I tend to lose interest pretty fast lately, I can't finish anything, my mind just wants to hop from place to place and it's like I'm all over the place on the inside. It's like I just won't sit in one place too long in my mind or can't bring myself to do so and it's frustrating since I have a lot to get done yet. I have this pretty fast paced video game tune in my head right now as well. I wish I could just be able to ground myself at a level where I can focus in on one thing and stay focused. It's not a pleasant feeling right now. I feel restless on the inside as well, and with my life in general. I feel completely scatter brained and don't know where to start with anything anymore. I give myself a pep talk to get stuff completely finished and I didn't finish the house at all though I just picked up. And that's all I could do. Nothing else has been able to get done really at all either. I haven't been eating as good as I used to either for the past few months and I am getting concerned. I used to be an overeater, but then, stayed on a healthy eating level after my last major binge which was 4 years ago. Up until my Grandpa's funeral (Last year in January) I was eating alright. Now I'm eating maybe only 2 bowls of cereal in the morning or 2 bowls of cereal and something like an egg salad sandwhich during the day, and a couple little snacks here and there give or take. 70 percent of the time, not at all. And occaisionally, a full blown meal (like once a month) I had my recent stomach problems and they had switched my meds, and I thought that would give me the desire to eat and I find even with the meds working, I still have lost my desire for food and its lower then when I was eating healthy even. I've been worried for quite awhile about it. This was even before they took me off the antidepressent/antianxiety medication at night starting to cut it out gradually that I was having these problems. After Grandpa passed away, and after my abusive roomie had left near the same time. Lot's of stuff has happened in my life that is stressful since and is making the bpd act up too more then it has before. I can't seem to get out of this state and be back to the way I was before this happened. I stopped going to AA and NA meetings in November of last year since I just couldn't get the knack of it down good enough and I was getting paranoid at those. I haven't had the urge to do drugs or drink thank god in the meantime. (I have addiction probs too.) I quit my volunteer job and broke it off with the lady who was my friend.I'm just carrying on with what I do daily and getting out of my house- in fact, I think too much to escape sitting there alone a lot of the time since I have no one there and so I don't have to get stressed about seeing a lot of unfinished things laying around there. And feeling the loneliness. Yet I'm starting to feel there's no structure or balance in my life at this point and I feel aimless as to the direction of where it's going right now. At times I have hope and can see a direction, and it seems so attainable, but then at times, I feel hopeless and feel like this lost soul wandering the earth. I feel like I can recover and it looks so easy at times, and other times its like it all seems to hard. My moods can change like that quite easily even going to bed. I go to bed, let's say, hopeless, I wake up hopeful, or I go to bed hopeful and wake up hopeless and dreams can even influence moods since I feel one way in a dream, and wake up the same way. My motivation and ambition levels go right along with this. Has anyone else ever been in a pickle and a standstill like this for this long? I'd like to break free of it, but it is so dam hard, and has been for the past year..........What are your thoughts about the situation?

[flowergirl]

I think I kinda understand where you are coming from.

((((((((((ktodee)))))))))

Words are pretty difficult for me at the moment but hang in there, you will get through, though you prolly don't feel like it at the moment.

We are all here for you.

When everything is rushing round in your head just try and write and write and write, let all the shit come out and let it go.

Love ya

Flower x

[Betsy]

kt,

i can understand it. it isnt that unusual although that doesnt make it more comfortable. are you seeing a therapist? sorry my mind is flying by right now too. i understand that completely. in fact the extraneous noises from the environment invade my thoughts which i cant form anyway. like waiting for my therapist i heard a copy machine working in the other room and began vissualizing it.. can concentrate and so much to do.

anyway.. keep plodding i think we'll change eventually.

(((((((((( kt ))))))))))))))))))))

bets

[Ginny]

((((kt))))

It all sounds SOO BPD..... You poor thing... right in there at the moment... I wish I could help.. but I cant... only to let you know that I am aware of how it all feels.... may it pass soon...

Ginny :hug2:

[jmg]

ktodee

I definatlycan relate to this problem for sure.

UI sit in University lecture all the tie and can maybe go through like 2 hours in lectures and concentrate properly for about 30mins of what the lecturer is saying. The other hour and a half i feel like im spent staring into space and dewlling on paranoid problems or axienties around me.

Thinking no one in the room likes me, rubbish like that. For some reason i have bad issues like that in groups of people then on my own in my own space im 100% fine and think why on earth were you thinking such rubbish like that for and laugh at myself.

Its so strange.

Anyone get like that?

[paddypotty]

I have been having great bother in concentrating but I put it down to insomnia.I do feel removed from things and if someone is talking to me I often watch their moths as they talk but still couldnt tell you a word they said,I suspect it probaly is being in bpd land but it does suck.

[beckiboo]

I have a problem with concentration.

Hence why I'm always on chat rooms at work - I get so bored.

Also find it hard to concentrate if someone is talking at me, or I'm driving.

I kind of switch off, a type of dissociation I suppose. Can never remember what ppl have told me, and for example-

yesterday I needed to get some petrol on the way home from work. I travel 45 miles to get home and reckoned I could manage to get to the last petrol station cos they have cheaper prices.

Anyway, pratically home- and I realise I didnt stop for petrol. I couldnt even remember driving past the station. Freaks me out when it happens.

[pinklady66]

Yep, I have the concentration problem too. I also have the racing thoughts where everything moves a million miles an hour. Tried to tell a social worker this and he didn't believe me. Fuck him...lol.

The eating part, I can relate to that too. I overeat when stressed. I feel disgusted with myself at times when I binge. I am though going to join a gym program in another week and I will watch what I eat so I can lose the excess baggage I am carrying around. My meds are making me fat too. I'm going to ask my doc for a med change that doesn't make me gain weight. It's all fucked at times.