Inachus io Posted July 9, 2004 Report Share Posted July 9, 2004 I'm very new to this. It was only Monday when I was sitting in a strange office at the clinic, with my fingers laced together so tightly that they hurt and clenching my jaw to keep my lips from trembling and swallowing against a lump in my throat and thinking fiercely to myself I will not cry, I will not cry in front of these men when I heard it-- "--An extremely low tolerance to stress," the psychiatrist--this stranger who had only made my aquaintance forty minutes before--said, and my regular counselor typed it into the computer. "Diagnosis--Borderline Personality Disorder, severe." The bottom dropped out from under me. I was falling, and as I plummeted my memory sought and found the little I knew associated with those words--Marilyn Monroe suffered from that. The abnormal psychology textbook I'd read said that Borderlines saw little success in treatment. That Borderlines were prone to a life of drama and crisis, their paths strewn with destroyed relationships, dashed ambitions, striving forever for happiness and doomed to disappointment, forever. And I remembered that Marilyn Monroe had killed herself, in the end. I went home. I went into my room. I closed the door behind me, and went to bed-- --and the first thing I thought when I woke up was, God, I'm empty. And then I thought, Oh, stow it. Get up and find out what this thing is. one column in a textbook read fifteen years ago isn't enough knowledge. And so I hit the internet, and plummeted once more. You see, the first thing I found was a support site for people who live(d) with people suffering from BPD. It started out bad, and it got worse from there - people describing moody, abusive, screaming, violent, spiteful people. People who would never stop demanding, never stop expecting, always hungry and never full--tactics on defending from these people in divorces, and tons of horror stories. I couldn't stop reading it. Couldn't stop thinking, Oh no. I'm a monster. Am I really that horrible? Have I left people behind like this? I must have. People must hurt like this, because of me. And then I thought, Oh, stow it. Are you truly that bad? Did you never act in a way to lessen hurt to people? Those people are venting poison, that's all--they're spitting it out. Maybe if they spit it all out, they'll be better after. And so I left there and took a look at some other sites, explaining more about BPD. After a while, I thought, Huh. sounds like every teenager I know. That made me laugh. And I kept reading, and looking around, and realizing that I was going to need to talk to people about this. And so I found here. And discovered that I'd have to post and introduce myself, and thought-- But I don't know what to say! And looking at all that I wrote, I just have to laugh. Not bad, for tongue-tied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buoyantcat Posted July 9, 2004 Report Share Posted July 9, 2004 Wow. Are you a drama screen play writer? You are good at writing...anyhoo. Well, first......"it" DOES suck! But...it's not a horror film or the end of the world to have BPD or anything else. I'm sure you will find this place quite pleasant. Welcome to our place. I hope that we can be of some help to you in the future. Keep your chin up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted July 9, 2004 Report Share Posted July 9, 2004 Welcome to the site, hope you find all the support you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inachus io Posted July 12, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2004 Wow. Are you a drama screen play writer? You are good at writing...anyhoo. Well, first......"it" DOES suck! But...it's not a horror film or the end of the world to have BPD or anything else. I'm sure you will find this place quite pleasant. Welcome to our place. I hope that we can be of some help to you in the future. Keep your chin up. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Heh, thanks. I've been spending the last five years devoting myself to writing well, but mostly I write Science Fiction. I'm mostly having a look around to see what there is to see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buoyantcat Posted July 12, 2004 Report Share Posted July 12, 2004 I see. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelle Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 Welcome Inachus! This is a GREAT place to learn, to talk, to vent, to meet some very terrific people who truly understand what it is like. I am looking forward to getting to know you and talking with you! Chelle :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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