"putting All Your Eggs In One Basket"

[InterruptedHappiness]

Is this a common thing for people with BPD im 19 and i dont have a career or much to do with my life at the moment so whenever im in a relationship ( or a friendship ) i seem to think they r the most important person in my life i'd die for them but i can go from hating them so much one minute to wanting to live with them for the rest of my life cause im so devoted to them. Its really confusing. My pysch said that because of my lack of commitment to the MHS i need to participate in some things to have more structure in my life so i dont think my boyfriend is the be all and end all of everything. My psych said if i dont attend every appointment and group session they will think of discharging me. ( which I really dont want to happen ) I wanted to try college again but they said they couldn't get funding again because of my lack of commitment again ( yes commitment is a big issue for me as u can tell..) I have a huge fear of failure and the college not letting me try the course again i felt a sense of failure..Im thinking of doing a short course like art for fun in the community which should be light and easy and they should have more leanency (sp) with me. Does anyone else have these fears? or the whole your partner or friendships being everything one minute then u almost hating them the next? I just wanted to know. thanks x

[kib0ne]

Who would fund the college course? The art course sounds like it would be a good idea. How were the college supporting you before?

[InterruptedHappiness]

im not sure whoever provides funding for full time courses

[kib0ne]

Perhpas you could find out and approach them directly because it seems unfair the college are making this judgment.

[theabyss]

Hi.

I shuddered when I read the title of your post; my psychologist said the exact thing about eggs and baskets. he encouraged me to try and get out more, make friends etc. etc. rather than focus on my relationship with my bf. Trouble was, I have never really had many friends (I am very distrustful and picky about who I am friends with) and being a homely gal, have never been one much for going out. I've also gone from one extreme to the other feelings wise about certain people. I've also had more jobs than you can shake a stick at; mostly because I get bored and my time-keeping is dreadful (apparently showing my passive-agressiveness and resentment at being there). My poor relationships with colleagues has also made me leave several jobs before. Hard though it is to form and maintain other interests (I've lost count of all the things I've tried and then given up) I would urge you to try hard to do so. I am almost 36 and my bf of 3 years has just split with me and I am gutted. One of the major reasons being because he never had to 'work' for me - I put my heart and soul into it and would have done anything for him. he on the otherhand wanted me to be my own person and have my own life without it revolving around him. It's a hard lesson to swallow and I'd like to save at least one person from the heartache of being dumped because you loved someone too much and were too nice and did too much for them. I'm with you on the failure thing too. i could've had a great career but have been too scared to push myself for fear of failure or because I can't cope with the stress of it all. To quote a line from one of my favourite films "A life lived in fear is a life half-lived". Stick with your therapy (as long as you have a good therapist), find meds or a combination of that suit you (it's taken me 15 years to find something that helps with my depression and I've tried most of the anti-depressants going) and don't let the borderline get the better of you. So many times I know the right things to say to do but if I let the BP in me take hold I press the self-destruct button. Good luck and on the positive side, as you have been diagnosed so early you stand a much better chance of coping with what life will throw at you - but only if you keep on going until you get yourself to a level where life isn't always so painful all of the time. Right, off to do my favourite hobby (sleeping) - it helps me to stop thinking and my brain hurting all the time. :blink:

[Ulrica]

That so could be me you're describing. I was like that when I was 14 and I'm still like that at 26. I get bored very easily, I get distracted easily and can never focus on one thing for too long. I also find myself having unhealthy obsessions with friends/bf's/gf's etc At the moment most of my time is taken up by obsessing over this friend I've know for about three years and whether or not I have feelings for him and so on... I can in a sense see why they'd be saying that you need to do other things and occupy yourself. I myself have never found it to be that easy since I tend to get obsessive with people regardless of what I have going on in my life, having not much going on just leaves more time to obsess. Still keeping appointments with therapists and groups and such are important for your recovery, for you.

And I think that the art course sound like a great idea. I'd say go for it. I find that shorter courses are easier for myself. I don't get bored as quickly.

[theabyss]

Hi Ulrica. Funny you mention the concentration thing as if I sit still too long I start to feel asleep! Do you lose track of time too? I do it all the time because I am so deep in thought or in my own little world. Part of the reason I am constantly late for things - even important things but the weird thing is I don't care enough about being late to do anything about it! It's almost like people can't 'touch me' because I'm in my own place in my head or that I can do what I like (at one place I worked when the bosses were out I used to lock the office door, crawl under my desk and go to sleep!) dreadful I know but I have real trouble with boundaries I guess. :huh:

[Ulrica]

Hi Ulrica. Funny you mention the concentration thing as if I sit still too long I start to feel asleep! Do you lose track of time too? I do it all the time because I am so deep in thought or in my own little world. Part of the reason I am constantly late for things - even important things but the weird thing is I don't care enough about being late to do anything about it! It's almost like people can't 'touch me' because I'm in my own place in my head or that I can do what I like (at one place I worked when the bosses were out I used to lock the office door, crawl under my desk and go to sleep!) dreadful I know but I have real trouble with boundaries I guess.

I loose time far too often. I space out on a daily basis. Dissociation (as I am told this is) has been a part of my life for over ten years now. It sucks and I feel for you that you go through it too. I know quite a few people on here have the same problem, unfortunately. Therapy as well as learning grounding techniques are great for this. I hope you have some otherwise I remember there being a thread about somewhere I while back that I found really useful. It takes work and I am nowhere near there yet but baby steps are better than no steps.