lauren18808 Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 Okay, theres a girl who is in my circle of friends, her name is Amy. She's 16, like me, and I've only just gotten close to her, in fact for a long time, we didnt even like each other. However, I have gotten to know her now in the sense we both have a lot in common, we both have recently come out of a pretty mentally exhausting relationship, I was dumped for being sad, her for being sad and (in her boyfriends opinion) 'too fat'. Now Amy never used to be skinny, she was very curvy and roundish, but she was very very beautiful and it never harmed her appearence, it added to it. She was glowy and seemingly cheerful a lot of the time. This relationship of hers finished in August, in that time she has dropped from a size 14 to 6-8, shes lost about 6 stone. All she eats is a pack of mints a day and fizzy water and when I push her, a bottle of milkshake. She eats nothing, she cuts herself, and I suspect may have come promiscuous. She's still pretty, but shes ridiculously thin and of course a lot of guys find her more attractive, but they aren't nice guys at all, and aren't doing anything to help her situation. At first I though the not eating was a vanity thing, that she wanted to please her ex boyfriend, but after speaking to her it turns out to be a lot different. She told me that she can't sleep at night because her bones grind together and she has to wipe crust from her eyes and she has to wash her hair twice a day because it gets so greasy, but at the same time, she kind of likes the pain it causes her. This eating disorder has become self harm to her, and this is were I'm seriously worried. The doctors have told her that her stomach has shrunk and won't take in much food, it's getting to the point now, if something doesnt happen, she will die. Asking advice here is tricky, because she allready is getting help, but she's only gotten worse. She's been hospitalised twice and force fed, and then they let her out, they have offered her no pshycological at all, and whats worse, the rest of the group aren't helping. They are telling her she's an attention seeker and now are blatantly ignoring her, only four of her friends including myself now seem to want to help her. I have absolutely no idea what I can say to her that will make her listen, and I almost want to be angry, but I can't, how many times have I refused to stop harming myself even when it's become dangerous? I know what it's like to want pain, and to want to hurt the physical being because of whats inside, and she knows I do. But at the same time I know she's feeling things that are completely different to what I feel. And all the time she promises me 'I'll do something I'll do something' but she won't, and I know it's because she can't rather than she wants attention. It's frustrating her more than it frustrates us, but I really don't knoow what to do. I don't know what else I can do to help. Has anyone been pulled from this situation? Or pulled someone else? Anybody have any advice? This is more needed than anything I have posted about myself. I swear I'll never complain again. please? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddypotty Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 Many many years ago I had issues with eating,after a breakup I starved,didnt eat anything and the hunger give me a weird sense of pleasure and control,everything was about control and being strong. Its shitty that this girl has had no psych help,at the very least her parents could ask for that via gp,constantly refeeding her wont work. You are truely a good friend,you could suggest support groups such as the eating disorders association,I think just listening to her will be of enormous help to her,but it is importent you take care of yourself too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calyps Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 Lauren, you are such a sweet person for not turning your back on this person in pain. I have endured eating disorders for half of my lifetime and the physical effects really have kicked in. My problem is that I have never been able to put the effort into getting better until now. I think this is because the whole desire to change has to come from within. if your friend is gaining some kind of masochistic pleasure from this form of self harm it is unlikely that she will be receptive to getting better at this point. As with anyone who self harms, the key is replacing bad coping mechanisms with healthy ones something which takes a lot of time, motivation and support. I feel for you being in this situation, me and my eating disroder have been the cause of many a wrung hands desperate conversation of 'why can't you do anything'. mental health treatment sucks, nothing is ever done to help you until you are literally at deaths door or in enduring crisis. Good luck with it and make sure you are taking the time to put effort into looking after you as well. Anwen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauren18808 Posted February 13, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2005 Thanks for the advice. I've given her some numbers of some helplines. She seemed like I was interfering, which I am. But I can't not do anything, I was a step away from calling the number myself and making her talk to them. I feel like a bitch, like I have no right to want attention when she's suffering like this. I guess times like these put things into perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kraaken Posted February 13, 2005 Report Share Posted February 13, 2005 I'm angry to hear your friend hasn't got any therapy. This government in the UK is seriously lacking in understanding of mental health concerns. Some time ago I saw a program on TV about a residential centre for anorexic girls but I BET THE PARENTS PAID FOR IT OUT OF THEIR OWN POCKETS. The NHS is apalling for mental health treatment. Of course I'm talking about my own (and my aunt's) treatment as well. Vague promises of psychotherapy! My aunt is housebound with fear of falling; her psychologist upped and left his job and she's been trying to get an appointment with another one since. I used to see a psychologist before I was diagnosed until he dumped me after I had a breakdown and was admitted to hospital; he was useless anyway. Oh I'm so angry I don't know what to do. Cut myself again!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauren18808 Posted February 13, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2005 It's terrible but it's not our fault. We didnt ask to be this way. Please don't cut yourself, not for this. They aren't worth it at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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