Bpd Before It Had A Name

[walker]

Ok you are probably getting rather p****d off with me now - especially all my damn poems.

But that is how I can express my pain.

I wrote this several weeks ago, well before I had even heard of BPD - and yet it still seems to make so much sense.

I hope it reaches out and touches you, too, although needless to say it another one full of torment.

Long-remembered pain

Aching through my being.

At every corner

There to see me round and

Hold me back

A pain that clings to life,

But longs to die.

A pain that ebbs and flows

Throughout time.

It curls, hides

Watches, waits.

Causes the mind to thin,

To weaken,

Hones a fine vulnerability.

Undermining all

This ember of past hurts,

Past failings.

Then it reveals

Face of a child

Unheard, unaccepted.

Hauling guilt and shame

Out into adulthood

Entwined within the soul

Embedded in the heart.

Too much to lose,

Impossible to swallow.

Choking days, weeks

Drawing the mind inwards,

Searching for a place

of safety.

Clinging desparately to listening ears,

To open minds.

Fleeing in terror

From familiar judgment

Agonized longing

Screaming throughout.

Twisting thoughts

Confusing reason.

A living poltergeist

Sucking future into past.

Crushing life

Living through

OK - got it right that time - what a c**k up