A Little Update

[Zellah]

I find myself constantly posting to the internet on one forum or another with lists of horrific stuff and basically going over and over all the things that I am coping with. I thought for once I would try and post something positive.

First thing:

I have been on paroxetine (the dreaded Seroxat/Paxil) for going on 10 years now and it never really did anything other than take the edge off my depression. Just existing from one day to the next is not a real life and I've spent a lot of time desperately wanting to be off it and tried on something new. However, when lowering my dosage I experienced wild withdrawal symptoms and the doctors I had back in my home town were pretty ignorant about the whole thing. A year ago I made a decision to leave my home town and move to London and try and get better help.

What I want to report is that I just came off a 21 day long weaning programme set out for me by my new doctor and I am totally off paroxetine finally! I got through the whole thing without even a shade of withdrawal and am at long last on something new. The increased depression during the weaning process was hell but I just wanted to share the fact that it is possible. I never thought it would be.

Second thing:

Today I tried a technique that my therapist suggested and was pleased with the results. Every morning I wake up having a panic attack and it usually lasts hours. My brain throws up endless bad thoughts and worries and they just snowball until I want to crawl back into bed and never come out again. My therapist suggested that I sit down quietly and talk out loud to myself as if I were talking to my best friend. I just have to sit there and advise myself that the things I'm stressing about are small things, tell myself that they are easily managed and that whenever the thoughts start to snowball I need to stop them in their tracks and talk myself down. I need to tell myself that no one expects me to be a superhero and that I am recovering from a horrible illness and that it's alright to take things slowly and let myself cope with things bit by bit.

I followed it up with some deep breathing and was surprised to find that it really helped. I found the strength to get washed and dressed and go to the shops and do the dishes without the free-floating anxiety that I usually have to deal with for hours on end. I know it's not a magic fix and I'll probably have to talk to myself this way dozens of times each day, but if it helps, I don't care how many times I have to do it.

Be your own best friend and advisor as many times as you have to and eventually it might sink into your subconscious and stop the anxiety before it starts.