DressageGal Posted September 2, 2008 Report Share Posted September 2, 2008 My name is Sarah and I am 20. I used to get badly bullied at high school and when I was about 13 I started over-eating. It was like out of no-where, I would just get these urges to eat lots of food and whevener I was home alone I would just raid the cupboards for anything that was edible. I felt so happy inside while I was doing it and it took all the pain away that I was getting at school. I started skipping breakfast and lunch but when it came to dinner, I was always made to sit at the table with the family so with me skipping my first two meals of the day, I would just have BIG portions for dinner then go throw it up later. It got to the point where my weight was about 6 stone and with me being 5'8" that was very unhealthy but not in my eyes. I eventually got found by my parents and ended in hospital for about a year which i hated and then had to have counselling, which I just made out I was fine but deep down I knew it was all lies that came out of my mouth.Anyway, recently my uncle died and I didn't go visit him wen I had the opportunity so I felt REALLY mad at myself so I had a relapse and had the biggest binge ever and then the next day I felt disquisted with myself. (No-one knew about that though luckily).But the thing is now, because I have my 'relapse' in the back of my mind, I have these like 'images / daydreams' when I am at work of me just raiding the vending machine and having a binge in the toilets which sounds REALLY bad but I cant help it......I have no self control !!! (ARGH) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ann51 Posted September 4, 2008 Report Share Posted September 4, 2008 Sarah: I hope you can find a counselor that you can trust. You need to be honest with them about how you are feeling or you won't get better. So easy to say, so hard to do...I know. Let us know how you're doing..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadsecrets Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 Wow, it sounds like you've been through a lot. It makes sense why you turned to an eating disorder in order to make yourself feel better. The one thing I have defintly learned is that when someone dies you have a choice, you can A) Remember everything you could've, should've, would've done and feel regretful OR Remember the good times. My best friend died unexpectantly about a year and a half ago. Something that has helped me through her death is that I frequently write letters to her. I apologized to her, got angry and her, shed tears. It has helped me a great deal. I was just curious too how long was it that you had your relapse? And how did you go that long without? Hope that helps a little. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DressageGal Posted September 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 Well its funny you ask that cos it was just the other day that I fort bout it. It has been about 5 years since I came out of hospital which makes me wonder how much of a failure I feel at times cos thats a long time and then just cos my uncle dies I have a relaspe.And the time since the relapse to this moment in time is about 5 months.(I wanna say thnx for ur reply, and I know wot u say it rite I just have to bleev in myself more). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadsecrets Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 I wish I could help you believe in yourself more than you do!!! That is a really long time...wow! I am seriously amazed. That makes me more hopeful that people can go long periods in recovery. :bigarmhug[1]: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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