Intensity Or Obsession?

[Katherine]

Over the years I have been 'obsessed' by

---reading Enid Blyton books, the boarding school ones, and the Chalet School books

---creating my own imaginary worlds and places, schols, villages

---creative dance and anything to do with dance,

---the environment and 'saving the world'

---children (teaching them)and being loved by them

---yoga and the spiritual path, Hinduism

---therapy and anything therapeutic

and I've likely missed off a few...

I have always been someone who focused intensely on one thing to the exclusion of all else, hanging onto that and not seeing other views etc. I've been unhealhily dependent much of the time. I realise how this is becasue the emptiness and low self esteem in me hadn't yet reached my conscious awareness and I didn't have the right kind of help to make me see.

Now I can see how much I've attached myself to these things like a substitute parental figure, to try and find hope in an otherwise bleak emotional world.

I'm looking at this issue again as I have left the therapy training for now, and I rather want to avoid unhealthy clinging etc....

So I'm interested whether anyone else has this 'issue' and how its been for them and how they've coped with it or are trying to cope with it--or even if it's a problem...because it might not be a problem....!

And, how do you see why you do this, if you do?

karie

[Alexa]

If I didn't have what I have or do what i do; I wouldn't be a person, or people, or whatthefuckever, I would just exist.

[lauren18808]

I am quite an obsessive person. Any of my friends could tell you, I just get overwhelmed by things. It can be as little as a book or a movie, and my life is changed by it, my appearance, the way I talk, my views on stuff.

It makes me feel less of a person actually, to walk around spewing stuff thats not even my opinion. I'm very easily sold by people and culture as a whole.

I'm just begining my thing for hinduism :)

[janey]

i become obsessed with the particular man in my life at the time... which is why i'm not doing relationships anymore. not till i can learn to behave and react in a more reasonable way.

i have just read "siren's dance - my marriage to a borderline - a case study" by Anthony Walker, M.D. and watched "sylvia (plath)" on DVD, both of which have totally depressed me.

i used to be obsessive about Feng Shui, until my house was destroyed by a fire, due to a crystal ball i had "placed" somewhere, which was supposed to bring me luck (sounds funny, i know)!!! the fire killed my dog and caused £57,000 worth of damage - and i my little girl and i had only just popped down the road to the shops for an hour.

I wrote a poem about it... here it is:

Oblivious

A clear, sunny morning, the coming of spring

The memory that haunts me stays fresh in my mind,

How I wish I’d foreseen what that day would bring

The life we are born to is not always kind.

If we had been in there, we would not be here,

The pretty reflection of sunshine through glass

(the vision before me is uncomfortably clear)

Twas the cause of destruction that came to pass.

An innocent sparkle that turned to a flame,

The guilt I am feeling, though no-one’s to blame.

The orange tinged fingers of fresh-started fire

Crept silently upwards, reaching further and higher.

And in less than a minute thick black smoke

Had smothered the room in a dark, heavy cloak.

And while I was happily shopping in town

The home that I cherished was burning down.

I used to believe in magic... but i don't anymore. i don't believe in much actually, apart from the fact that there is some great strength inside me sometimes - inside all of us.

[LadyMacbeth]

I do not think I am an obsessive person but I do believe I am extremely intense person. My relationships can be pretty intense. I do not let many people break down my wall but when they do I do everything in my power to keep that relationship a float. I pride myself on my honetly and loyalty and I expect the same from those close to people. The people close to me mean everything to people and so if I make the mistake of letting someone get too close to me after they have betrayed me I am deeply hurt by this and its hard for me to bounce back.

I get very excited easily such as in school I would prepare for class the night before and come into class deeply excited about the topic we were covering. Not many people liked this about me they thought I was too intense.

I also have this need to be perfect and if it fails I immediately doubt myself.

I have been told by therapists, friends, and professors that I am an intense person. It would be okay if I did not think in black and white most of the time.

[Katherine]

:)

Interesting...thanks folks....Janey, sorry about what happened with your crystal ball....

Am wondering...are intensity and excitement/deep interest different or the same?

karie

[Chimpy]

I need something to hold onto to give me identity and my life meaning and hope

That is me in a nutshell! I feel sorry for the people who have been my 'meaning' because I am like a limpet - suffocating the life outta them until they peel me off.

There is one girl who I had a relationship with almost three years ago, and we have been on-off friends since but it all fell apart again when i declared my love for her... But I spend most days going over and over it in my head, haiving conversations with her in my head and all of her answers being the opposite of what I want to hear. iT drives me mad and means I spend most of my time in this bleak heartbroken space.

I just find it impossible to let go of things and move on because that would be like abandoning my reason for living... I don't blame her though at this moment in time (but this switches - splitting - love, hate; adore, resent - black and white thinking, right?) because i also see the 'looking for a parent replacement figure' in my relationships and that is not attractive - she even said to me she felt more maternal than sexual towards me by the time she walked away. In fact, she highlighted so many of my BPD traits before I'd even heard of it... And all I wanted was a happy normal relationship with lottsa love, but instead i find out my whole being is twisted upside down and wrong! God has a sick sense of humour!

I am so damn BPD aren't I?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Jeez, someone help me please!

Chimpy xxx

[Katherine]

(((((((Chimpy)))))))