Is This A Problem?

[nunorocks]

Hi,

I need a little advice and I'm sorry for posting here as I know that some of you guys are suffering far more than me, but I don't know who else to ask. For a lot of years I've had a really bad relationship with food. As a kid, we never ate regular meals and I remember quite often going without breakfast and lunch, and the first thing I'd eat would be a dinner. Eventually, I learned to ignore my appetite, and I just lost the will to eat. When I got older, I used to skip meals so that I could save the money for music lessons, and I started to feel relly proud of myself if I could get through the day without eating.

I later moved to live with relatives, and they used to constantly badger me about eating, so I gave in and started to eat breakfast and lunch with them. Then I began to gain weight and I panicked, so I started to purge as well.

A few years later, I started to binge even more, and (to punish myself) I would not allow myself to purge. I told myself that if I was disgusting enough to eat the food, I deserved to be fat and ugly. I eventually ended up 25 stone (courtesy of Olanzapine as well, I might add...). I managed to lose 10 stone, and everyone told me how well I was doing, but they don't know that I lost it through taking laxatives and making myself sick.

I started to gain weight again, and panicked so am now stuck starving, binging and purging. Have just been told my teeth are completely eroded and will fall out within the next year or two. I feel disgusted. I'm now fat, ugly and I'm going to be toothless as well. And I did it all to myself. So I now have this voice in my head saying what's the point in trying to control my food issues. Erk.

I think I just need someone else's perspective on this (I know it's a bit vague). AM seeing my psychiatrist on Monday (for the first time in five years) and just wondering if I should mention the problems with food, and the voices, or if it's completely insignificant. I know that I'm completely detached from my body image, cos I still look in the mirror and see a 25 stone cow, and I'm nowhere near that anymore.

Sorry, I know this doesn't make much sense............ Have I got a problem?

[sadsecrets]

Hi nunorocks,

First of all I want to say that I am glad that you have choosen to reach out for help.

Secondly I want to stress that in NO way are your issues less important, significant or hard than anyone else on here.

It sounds like this has been a long and rough journey for you. I am so sorry to hear that you are losing your teeth. That makes it very scary and real. Are you continuning to purge and take laxatives?

In a weird sort of way, what you wrote makes complete sense. That voice that seems to question what the point of trying is anymore. But what have you lost in relation to the eating disorder? Money? Friends? Confidence? Health?

Also the way you don't really see yourself. There is on-going research about how people with eating disorders actually have some miswiring in their frontrol lobe that distorts their physical view of themselves.

To be frank, you sound like you have some serious and important issues that need to be looked at, which I think you are starting to.

Hope that helps in some way.

[nunorocks]

It does help, thank you. I have lost money, self respect, confidence, health (and tooth enamel) and I think I'm questioning really how much more I want to lose. I feel like I've just become aware of my own lack of control and I need to sort it out. Not sure how, but will discuss with psych and see what he suggests.

Thanks again,

Mel

[Tray]

hey, i think you have done the right think in recognising there is a prob, thats the first step dont with.

i to have an un healthy relationship with food, pretty much the same as you.

one thing i will say is, my dentist coats my teeth woth something to protect them from the acid i get, i have a reflux disorder, and that might help prevent furthur damage to your teeth, so might be worth asking?

also when u do need to purge, after rinse your mouth out really well with tepid water, then wait at least half hour before you brush them, it helps top stop the erosion.

also try and floss, brush, mouthwash and tongue scrape at least twice a day, it does help.

even tho i have enamal loss, i have good teeth!

good luck tommorrow x

[nunorocks]

Huge thanks

Mel X

[Warrior Princess]

I'd say yes discuss with your Psyche. Losing teeth can be awful. I've lost some myself and always fear I will lose the rest. There is recovery though. I'm eating better even though I still have the thoughts that I'm fat. I'm learning to control the thoughts a bit better. Just wanted to give you some hope that you can too.

Wp