My Ed Is Killing Me

[dixie]

I just can't make it go away, I am restricting like crazy then keep snapping and B/P once a week at the moment. I went a good 8 months of no major ED behaviours then just coudn't take the weight gain, the new revelations in my world and the crazy things happening around me, on top of having no therapist to process stuff with. I got some slimming pills which are the same but don't contain ephedra and have been popping them back each day even though my ulcer & gastritis are kicking off with it so i am constantly nauseaus.

I've dropped 16lbs in 3 weeks, I hate what I'm doing but I can't stop and I can't work out what to do to make me change this before it gets too much and my body starts to implode.

Feeling very low and angry and scared here

Dixie

[fucktheworld]

dixie,

I hate being full blown, completely unable to get a grip on something. It is having its way with me fucking torturing me until IT decides to go away. I have no willpower to stop the behavior and have to sit in the suffering until some miracle happens and it is lifted.

I have no words of help except the ephedra isn't physically addicting. At least try to tell yourself the truth; this is killing me, this is killing me, this is killing me, this is killing me and hope you wake up and stop it. Looking at yourself and saying, love the weight off love the weight off love the weight off won't help it. How about a target weight, how about a replacement obsession, how about some horror thoughts of serious irreversible damage to your tummy? I know some will read this and be in shock but if they are then they don't know eds.

How about going back to therapy?

hugs

[Shellybelly]

i know when i go thru my restricting and vomiting phase of ed i normally have no intention of

stopping the lower i go the happier i am in one sense but the more frighten i am in another cause

i know how dangerous and how sick im becoming. so i set me small tasks to get better like today

i will eat just dinner and wont vomit the plate will be small but i will eat it. then tomorrow i eat a small

more and just add it so eventually it a proper dinner. then i start to add in breakfast and so on. it a

long process and day when i dont manage it. but at the end of the week if i have done well i let me have

a small treat or get me something i wanted. like a nite out, or a new top. rewards for good behaviour really.

please stay safe and also look into getting a new therapist it might be helpful,

shell

[drew]

hey dixie sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time , i hope u manage to get the help you need to kick this

good luck hun xxxx

[sadsecrets]

Yikes! ! ! That's a lot of weight to lose in such a short time. It really does sound like you need some extra help right now. I really feel for you...I am a little bit in that mind set right now....Do you know what it was that set it off...8 months is a really great time to go without. I really hope that you do not discount that time...

It sounds like you are going through a really tough time...my prayers go out to you.

[Fairy]

Hey Dixie,

This is a fight you have battled many times, how have you won before? Eight months is brilliant, really well done. Sometimes we do fall down, but it is the getting up again that counts. I would urge you to see your GP about this, and be honest about how bad things are feeling right now. Reaching out here is a very positive step, you are not alone.

Fairy xxx