walker Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 i wont bore you with my shitbut please just show me that you are there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.Ash Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 :bigarmhug[1]: Am here for you, hunny. Please believe that.All my love, from your BPD bruv -Dxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrD Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 I'm HERE Sweetthinking of you, this really is shit, and i'm not been far behind you, but am sick of being trapped by this thing, so have decided to completely change my lifestyle...iam gona continue to reach out, and hold you as a friend that truly understands, i'm sick of this, but only i can change it, so wish someone would just resue me and save me the bother, but thats not going to happen, so iam here as a beacon of hope, this calls for drastic action, wishing and hoping you could join me...fuk this, its too much, come with me T, step up, write a plan for your new life, thats what i'm trying...wishing you all the compassion in the world...your friend Darren xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Id like to be bored with your shit if you want to tell us about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine_bear Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 I'm here hunni, whats going on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 i cant do it on my ownmy head is full of rowing of millions of things i should and shouldnt doi m not ill i make it all badyou cant help meand she keeps saying stop making a fuss and get on with your lifebut i dontand when i did things didnt feel rightbecause there is no me insideonly everyone elseeverytime i think its me i realise it is someone elsei am crushed out of beingand i am hurting people in my life and on here and making them sad but i dont see it when i do it because i am so wrapped up in my nasty selfish bitchy world of maing it all bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairy Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Hey Walker,When we want to move on, we have to start somewhere, a little step. What could you do differently today? Could you go for a walk, or call a friend and tell them you are not feeling very well?You sound frustrated, perhaps if something moves slightly, you will feel a little different.Fairy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 i am lost and frightenedi have sent 5 emails to my therapist but there is nothing anyne can doit is all inside my head which is bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairy Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Hey Walker,What else could you do? Something that you don't usually do, some distraction from these thoughts.Fairy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 why they are methat just means you think i am bad toothay all say get on with something - take your mind off itbut that is them them saying dont have negative emotions because they are badi odnnnt know what i am sayingi cant even say sense cos there is no sense inside my headi will stand in the sun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairy Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Hey Walker,I don't think you are bad, I think you are in pain. I know from personal experience that distraction does help. It won't solve the problems, but either will feeling gulity about them. To allow yourself to attempt to enjoy something for a while is treating yourself with kindness, that is what you need right now, Not the punishment of sitting with bad feelings all day. I have negative emotions, I am not a bad person, either are you. It is up to us what we do with these feelings. My advice would always be to treat yourself with kindness. Standing in the sun sounds like an excellent idea.Fairy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 when i am kind to me - i still feel badlike it is another bad thingi didnt want to go on at you alli am sorry if this hurts youi dont have any hate for you - only mei just neede to try and feel you around me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel123 Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Hey stop beating yourself up!!!You have every right to feel the way you do as this is what bpd does to you. Go on as much as you want. We can hear the pain you are in.When i feel bad i snuggle up with my dog and try and have a nap. I know its not going to take things away or solve everything for you but at least you will stop thinking for a while.I know some say that you should not do that but if its really the only thing you can manage then why not.I find that my bed is my safe place.....U know were i am if you need me........ xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairy Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Hey Walker,This does not hurt me. I feel for you, and I want you to beable to reach out for support without guilt. This is what the forum is for.I would like you to beable to express yourself and your pain without fear here.Fairy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 but i know people see me going round and round and it probably makes them mad cos it makes me mad too but that is because i ambut just seeing you all there helps meeven though my husband keeps saying it is not real and that you dont know me or carebut he is rightand if you met me you would probably hate me anywaybut i can smile and make jokes sometimesbut if feel so small and frightenedyou see the mess in my head is spilling outi want to see my T but i saw him yesterday so i cantand he says he has to argue with his boss every week to keep me cos its nhs and they just want me to go - and that makes me feel scared cos there is nothing sure and I just dont know what is happenngi wish they would put me in hospital and help me but i am not sick enough and would probably hate it if i went but i feel like i need someone with me the whole time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairy Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Hey Walker,This is a support forum for people with MH problems, often we go round in circles, that is part of the process of trying to find our way out. Most of us here have either done that ourselves, or are doing that too.Your husband clearly does not understand this site if he feels that people are not real or do not care. This site saves lives, allows true friendships to form, it is certainly real. A part of BPD is feeling unable to comfort ourselves, it is not a nice way to feel, so vunerable and small. But you are strong, you are trying, you are reaching out here for support. Don't overlook that you are trying to feel better by expressing these feelings. Allowing others to support you with these emotions.http://www.psyke.org/coping/self_soothing/ This is a link with information about self soothing, perhaps you could give some of these a try.Fairy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 thank you for finding something good in what i do - thank you so so much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.Ash Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 :bigarmhug[1]: Awww, hun... We DO see the good in what you say, every day.That's why we don't leave you alone...And not all Mentally Healthy people are right all the time either - I do believe there is love for you here, real genuine support and care!!!! I wouldn't be typing otherwise. There IS truth in your diagnosis - the BPD makes you feel bad, messes with our minds. There is simply no denying the facts.But just cos we make a mistake, or slip up sometimes... none of us on this planet are all bad or all good... There's a reason why I have branded my body with a yin-yang! To be healthy, we need to recognise and maintain that balance. It's a long, hard, painful road, but not half as painful as the cycle you're locked in right now. I speak from experience, babe!Her Fairy-ness - as usual - has verbalised perfectly what I wish I could say to you, sweets.And we ARE here for you.Loads and loads of love to you, Hunnybee. Take care... and if you can, please ease up on yourself. You truly deserve it... I only say it cos it's the truth, and I care. Thinking of you -Dxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wednesday Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 my therapist always says that you cannot change and emotion, that is like trying to change the kind of food we like. You can accept emotion. If you try to change it, it gets worse. It sounds as though you are unrelentingly angry with yourself. At the moment I am too- but my comfort is that I know that eventually the feeling will go away.We're here for you (((walker)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 yes i amand as i read the board i see people with real pain and real resons to hurtand i feel worsebecause i just make it bad inside my headi AM a bad person - whatver you say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy123 Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Hey Walker,you are not a bad person,you are brave for posting on how you are feeling,Amy xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 this isnt brave - truly - it is attention seeking and evil when the rest of you have such hurt to contend within fact i need to stop because it is not fair on the rest of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy123 Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Hey Walker,this site is about supporting each other,do not stop on posting how you are feeling,you need to let it out,you are not a bad person,you are caring in my eyes.Amy xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.Ash Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: YOU HAVE REAL REASONS TO HURT!!!! YOU ARE IN JUST AS MUCH PAIN AS THE REST OF US!!!!!Why won't you believe us, Walker? I think that you are in far worse pain than me - it is so obvious by your posts. Just because my reason for hurting was splashed all over the nine o clock news - does that invalidate someone else's pain for, I dunno, hidden child abuse? Or for just being so confused in their brains that they just want to end it all? Pain is not quantifiable by experience Walker... FACT!I apologise for the abrasiveness of my answer, hunny... I have tried everything I can to get thru to you... I am always always always here for you, you should know that by now. And you should also know the only reason for your continuing pain is your BPD's stubborn refusal to give that pain up. I don't know how to say it any other way, sweetness... Stop beating up on yourself. If you think that that phrase is full of it, then you must think that I'm full of it. And BPD and confused as I am, I have confidence you trust me enough to know I wouldn't lie to you. Why would I? What would I gain?Walker, hunnybee, I care about you so much, and it hurts me so much to see you lock yourself into this "I am bad" cycle when everyone around you is saying the same thing... It hurts me to see you hurt. And yes, you can argue all you want - but you are clearly hurting alot more than me right now. You have a MH disorder - and it is knocking you on your ass right now. FACT!I luv ya to bits, Sis... But until you break thru this shame cycle of self-loathing, you will never have a chance to beat your diagnosis, fully heal, and lead the kind of fulfilling, productive life that you are so very capable of (we all are - it's called the human condition - just cos we cant feel it or relate in our MH issues doesn't mean it isn't there). You have so much goodness and light in you (just your PMs today and responses to other people's threads show what a true sweetheart you really are - when we forget to hate ourselves, our true beauty shines thru) - BPD FACT!Please, hunny... I am here for you, know that and trust that... And please, please, don't fight me on it... It'll just validate the self-hate cycle you're in right now further... A self-fulfilling prophecy. You are worth so much more than that. I wouldn't care so much if you weren't.All my love to you, Walker... Your BPD Brother and confidante -Dxxxps - It took me a while to compose this, I missed your later posts - We are here for you, the site is here for you... And I would miss you like crazy, hunny. Please don't go... Please. Not while you feel like this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrD Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Mrs T... Crazy fool...joking hun really feel for you, your going through hell, why dont you try and write dwn your life story, your so articulate, have a talent with words and it might help you find some answers to this crap...just an idea...loads a love to you, your special you know, well avtually you dont, but iam telling you you are...Thinking kind thoughts for you sweetlove youDxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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