Sammie Shall Perish Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 Its pathetic, I know. But I WANT to be anorexic and I know thats not normal. I dont WANT to want to be, but I cant help it. There is just so much appeal. I want to be skinnier, I want to perfect, but most of all I want to have conrtol.I can understand how this may be offensive to the people that are actually suffering from anorexia and its more like a curse to them, and to them: feel free to yell at me. Id actually really like that I prolly need it.Any pro anas, some support would be great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 What you're really saying is, I want to be invisible, unseen and slight and ghost like. What you are really saying is you are hurting and need protection.Sah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 Your feelings make sense to me you actually describe what al of of anorexics feel about themselves, the need to be skinnier and skinnier(perfect as you call it, is that what perfection is though???) the need to be in control.Have you ever considered though, that maybe the feelings you are struggling with, the feelings that make you want to be "perfect" and in control that these can be solved in other ways then anorexia???Anorexia is not a cure to your feelings of unworthyness and out of control feelings, anorexia will make everything worse.Lilly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundries Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 I dont want to be anorexic, cos it would be fine up until the point i was getting all the horrible effects of being too thin and it wouldnt be very nice hating yourself even though you were terribly thin.What i do want is to look like anorexics do who have 'just recovered' or well just out of the danger zone. And I want this cos they look so fragile and graceful that they inspire the urge to protect (when they are dangerously skinny it just makes people scared and angry).I wish people wanted to protect me and thought I was pretty and graceful/slender. Overall, I guess I wish people wanted to be close to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorkiegal73 Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 same here sundries. heffalumps like me don't get the sympathy and hugs. we're meant to be jolly. there is no way i'll ever actually become anorexic because eating is completely out of my control. i found out today that i have high cholesterol and went out and bought a book on it. i read it whilst eating a macdonalds and some cheesecake, because i can't get through the day without comfort food. i envy anorexics their self control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loopyfruit Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 hi,nice to meet you and well done for your honesty!I have suffered with anorexia/bulimia for over ten years and in the last year have lost an awful lot of weight...all the things you are saying about wanting perfection and control are all symptoms (so to speak ) of an ED however I can assure you that you never get that feeling of perfection or ultimate control that you crave with an ED ...however much you starve yourself or purge it is never enough you never get rid of those feelings the ED is just a symptom in itself of other underlying problems and they are the things that need addressing I may be wrong but from your post it sounds like you are very unhappy and need some support but as yet have not started downt he very very miserable road of an ED.. I can only ask that you get some help and support before this does happen as it is a bloody hard place to get out of....... and would not wish or reccommend an ED on anyone..it ruins your life and is a horrible pace to be mentally and physically.I am here to chat any time if you want to here or you can PM me... I hope I have been of some help to youLoopyfruit xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 Its pathetic, I know. But I WANT to be anorexic and I know thats not normal. I dont WANT to want to be, but I cant help it. There is just so much appeal. I want to be skinnier, I want to perfect, but most of all I want to have conrtol.I can understand how this may be offensive to the people that are actually suffering from anorexia and its more like a curse to them, and to them: feel free to yell at me. Id actually really like that I prolly need it.Any pro anas, some support would be great.Hi Sammie,I don't think you are pathetic at all, you were actually very brave, open and honest about your feelings and it took some courage to make that post so I applaud you for that.I think that many of us want to be skinnier but it's not always for the right reasons. What I'm hereing here is "I want to be perfect and i want control. I just wanted to re inforce what others have said in that your weight, or lack of it, does not make you any more perfect or inperfect. It simply makes you skinnier. Often it makes you less perfect because you are less healthy and the control that you so desperately seek goes out of control when your lack of food intake takes over and you are suddenly at the mercy of a very out of control condition. the whole thing backfires and all the things you wanted so badly are taken from you bit by bit as Annorexia takes over your life.The things you are seeking can be achieved in a different way. To become skinnier, find healthy alternatives such as a balanced diet and excercise program. There is no easy out for that one. it takes hard work and sensible planning. To become "perfect" is an unreastic goal so try setting ones that are reachable such as "to be better at (this) and to improve my skill in (that)." If it's looks you want to be "perfect" in or improve, how about going to get your hair done? buying a new outfit or (if you're female which I'm assuming you are) getting some newmake up or your nails done? Gaining control isn't an easy job but the first step is saying NO in apppropriate circumstances and setting boundaries, even on yourself. One option that I've considered myself is taking up Karate or some other interest that requires controlled movements. I also ride horses which is a measure of control, and I paint, which takes a lot of self control. Also assess what it is that you are trying to control, your circumstances? others reactions to you? Your emotions? Your weight? Each reason will take a different solution so best to look at them seperately and write down alternative ways to achieve control of those things that don't involve unhelpful behaviors.I hope I've helped. I've struggled, and still struggle with an ED and I do know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way as you do and even at this very moment feel guilty that I've eaten. It helps to seek support form others at these times and you have done just that. You've done well!WP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuclearwinter Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 I purposefully gave myself anorexia in 1997 when all of my friends disowned me and ignored me in school due to my extreme acting out of my BPD (cutting, overdoses, constant suicide threats). I went down to 90 pounds. It was my way of showing these girls how much they had hurt me and I purposefully starved myself to become anorexic. Eventually that morphed into bulimia, alcoholism, drug addiction etc. But now I am purposefully starving myself again (Ive lost over 30 pounds in the past three months). My purpose in starving myself is to get rid of my psychosis. At under a certain weight and when you are starving, all you can think about is food 24/7. This seems a better fate for me than the psychosis which causes me such anguish. I want my thoughts to be preoccupied by food and weight loss, not thinking people can read my mind and I have the power of telepathy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadsecrets Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 It's funny, I had those same thoughts one time (I want to be anorexic), yet if I knew all it would entail, I would never have looked in that direction again. Those people who look so graceful, who seem to be well protected are hellish out of control on the inside. It is difficult to imagine why, to convince one's self that oh well I will stop once I get to a certain point..howeveryour biology, chemistry, brain activity changes and you are no longer in any sort of control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iang Posted October 18, 2008 Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 i some how think if i was thinner and fitter my life would be better and people might like me more.so ye me too wishes i was anorexicno matter how untrue i know it to be my mind wont change, I eat very little and bloat up on fizzy diet cola. I snack on sugar bars and cakes. another line is: i think if i wasn't so alone all the time and had a partner or family then real meals may be a little more regular. well is kinda an excuse !i should exercise i know but well i cant be ..... . bit of a catch 22 as I'm not going to look after myself if i have no self worth and no reason to want to survive.maybe eating badly and comfort eating keep another 'reason not to be happy' alive and one more thing to feel crap about.this is going to be a touchy one but... could one see anorexic as having an easy solution, is you you just eat, were as being mentally disturbed does not have a solution so we wish we had that rather than what we do.*****(and yes i am more than overly aware that anorexia is not that simple and know you cant just go eat 10 big macs) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miko Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 But people don't like people whose bones stick outPeople do like curvy people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 what i dont understand is that i get told that i am a good size and all that, then i get one bad comment and i stop eating, almost like i have been waiting for the excuse, the justification for all my self hate and a reason to punish myself for not being liked by everyone. <_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleone Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Any pro anas, some support would be great.they will NOT help..im pro-ana and a member of a site they will encourage you not to do it but they at the same time will ''teach'' you all the tricks, encourage you to totally screw up your health in all sorts of ways albeit with the best of intentions.please try to get help..despite how it may appear the only really thin ones the ones we want to be like are extreme cases and chances are while you might lose weight to begin with ...long term you'll gain because your metabolism will just get shot to pieces.and people cant really just become or learn to be anorexic unless you are already predisposed to it.it takes over,its addictive,its the only thng in your life that matters, ive even put it before my children and used them (extra visits to play in the park, challenging them to races,spending money on diet pils etc instead of their new shoes) at times ..how pathetic and messed up is that??life with ana is a living hell..it doesnt help it just adds more agony.please dont do it, try not to even think about doing it.heres something to think about,its a bit harsh but for anyone considering going down that path it really is worth reading.http://www.xanga.com/Sans_Gras/578731787/s...e-anorexic.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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