At A Crossraods In Therapy, Any Advice? *triggers*

[SickAna]

hello.

I am posting this because I need to make an important decision at this point so PLEASE, if you have any advice - post it back to me.

Keeping this brief as possible, have been in Therapy for 6 years total, my most recent therapist two years. I feel like walking away... it hasn't achieved an awful lot except for help in crisis. But what I really want is RECOVERY! I have informed my therapist I am considering quitting and we are having a 5 week break while I decide what to do. On one hand, I wonder if this is something I need to fix for myself, something that I will work out over time? Certainly to others it must seem a bizzare cocnpet that one would NEED therapy to get better...

Well that's part of the reason. The other part is the direction I think we are headed in. My therapist is great, I really do like and trust her but I am not sure if she knows whats best for me or not. Over time a few things have came out, the nature of some of my dreams and the things that trigger me... I went as far as I ever have and actually told her that I have some confusion over something from my childhood that may have happened or I may have just imagined, maybe it's a memory but maybe i just dreamt it... do i need to be specific here? No I won't except to say that i certainly do hope it is just a product of my fucked up imagination, and that i do really doubt that something bad ever happened to me when I was young. However from what I told her, she thinks that there is more to it than that. She even said to me 'I think something did happen'. And i know that she wants to take therapy in that direction.

I think it would be incredibly dangerous if we explored it in therapy and created some kind of 'false memory' for me. Particularily if I end up believing something that isn't true -well it could just end up making me far worse. Every instinct I have is telling me to leave my counsellor.

Besides, even if it where true, maybe over time it can just be burried even deeper to the point where it fades away altogether and I may recover without therapy.

GOD I JUST DON'T KNOW. I AM SO CONFUSED. i have been sick for so long and it has almost, and may still, kill me. I really want to recover. I think the choice I make over continuing with this therapist may either make or break me.

PLEASE HELP - WHAT DO I DO?