"going Down The Mental Health Route"

[yorkiegal73]

My pdoc has used this phrase a couple of times now. Once on discharge from hospital last year, and again this week when I saw her to review my meds. She and her team had decided not to offer me any support because they felt that going down the mental health route would be detrimental to my recovery. She thinks that being around other mentally ill people is bad for me, and that without support, I will force myself to get better. I hadn't actually requested anything other than meds so am not too shaken by this. It just annoys the hell out of me that a bpd label means all help is withdrawn.

But is she right? Would a referral to the day centre where I can sit and make cards be bad for me? I know several people who go there and they have a depression dx, but on a day to day level, I'd say we have the same problems with managing our lives. I know from past experience at the therapeutic community, that setting short term goals and having people to help me with them is the only way i manage to keep the house relatively clean or wash my hair etc. When i'm alone i stop all these things, and yes of course it's up to me to motivate myself, but i really can't. I try to every day but i just get so tired, and there is so much to do that i can't face it. But she wants me to get a job.

[Rael]

i know the feeling of being rejected for treatment, i have ended up half getting kicked out of the CMHT and half leaving and basically got left out in the cold for everything.

i have to admit though, as hard as it was to do at the time, returning to work was by far and away the best thing i did. gave me something to focus on, to distract myself. not saying that this was easy at all, and tbh i think it depends on the individual as to how helpful this actually is.

some people fare well in therapeutic settings, other do find that it makes them focus too much on the things that are going wrong. personally i found that the more i talked about stuff and tried to heal myself through therapy etc, the worse i felt, what i myself needed was to give myself other things to do, other reasons to get up.

i still think it sucks to be told like that that you are not getting anymore help though, it sounds like tc was giving you the motivation and encouragement you needed, and when something is found to help it seems silly that it should be deemed as ineffectual when it is so clearly making a difference to you.

xxx

[loulou1330]

I can relate to that, have had it said to me in the past and have heard it said to many others too,

what makes me laugh, and please excuse me as its late, is the actual phrasing of it, 'dont want you to go down the mental health route' I mean is it me or what, but errrr we're already in the mh system by nature of fact that we've had psych assesments, our gp's refer to us as 'with mh probs' blah blah sorry could be being dense here but really makes me mad because all it is is a cop out from whoever is saying it, what it really means is ... yes you do need more help support guidance etc etc but really we havent got the time, staff, money, resources or inclination to give it to you so just bugger off n go be bloody miserable on your own n dont come bothering us anymore.

With regard to the job thingy, i know there's many of us who have had high functioning jobs in the past n then through one thing or another have found selves unable to continue or pick up again or whatever and again really pisses me off when hear them say AND go get yourself a job you'll feel much better. I mean, we're not benefit scroungers (not that i have anything against them either mind you staying pc ) If i could have stayed working i would have but i dont think there's an employer out there that would understand that i may go for a few days, weeks or even months being the star of the show, amazing worker, top o class n all that n then bang with no warning i'm not even gonna answer the phone when they're looking to see if i'm coming in, dead, alive, emigrated, so hence am unable to 'get a job' does that make sense?

Anyhows it sucks is my point of view - rant over, and I hope you do get a bit more help for you soon xx

[Rael]

that actually covers something i missed - sorry, they really do forget that we know the capabilities we hold, we know when we are in a position mentally, to be able to hold down a job, to try and push you into that IMO is stupid, they are not having to deal with these things and no matter how much we can try to explain to them they are never gonna get it.

dont be pushed into anything hun, you know when you are ready.

xxx

edit:cant spell :lol:

[walker]

Yes - I have had similar things said to me - esp as I 'wasnt going down the mental health route' until this year - officially that is - as whatever they say, the issues have always been there.

Its a tricky one - personally I think I have got worse because I have been away from work - v. little motivation - v. little effort over appearance - v. v. v. low self esteem - but I would probably have been carried out if I had continued trying to conceal the problems

they really do forget that we know the capabilities we hold, we know when we are in a position mentally, to be able to hold down a job

Rael - DO YOU?

I dont - People keep saying go back when you are ready - but I have no idea.

There is no doubt work is a good form of distraction, and time filling and probably allows lots of the crazy thinking to stop - BUT it also pours fuel on our neurosis -

What I think they mean - is finding something to occupy you - that is a positive influence - and that takes you away from your own problems for a while

And YES - I should bloody well listen to that, too, as I am in hiding

[icu_baby]

wow, ok this is my first post in ages...

Yorkie, I think u should "fire" your pdoc and get another one. Obviously she doesn't understand that BPD is a real illness and her wanting to cut you off is insane and she needs to go down the mental health route herself.

You wouldn't tell someone in the midst of depression to "snap out of it" and get a job. I mean I can understand some of her advice to the extent that getting a job (even if its part-time, even one day a week) is a step forward (and others have mentioned that it is beneficial in that it distracts your mind of things and you get to speak to other people/meet people but if you are really sick you should not be thrown into the deep end. You have to be true to yourself Yorkie and ask yourself can I handle a part-time job now or do I need more time. Don't feel pressured to get better quicker than you are ready to.

There is nothing wrong with advicing someone to get a job by suggesting it to them, but forcing them to is another thing and denying them support when making that transition is also another.

Like everyone else here, I have had similar experiences. I have been told that I was not really sick like other "genuine" sick cases but just don't listen to them. BPD is a serious mental health issue and we do suffer as much as other people with mental health problems.

Read my Affirmation that I have posted. I think their is alot of truth in the advice this recovered BPD gives.

[yorkiegal73]

It's difficult because in the past I have always worked. I've lost most jobs to this illness, and always had far too much sick leave, but it's been very important to me to work. It helps me keep up the pretence that all is well. When I was in the call centre I was one of only 4 in 500 staff to recieve an outstanding grade on my yearly review. That was despite the fact that I was on a waiting list for the therapeutic community. It's because I put 200% into every job. I'm so scared of being found out that I have to be the best. Of course I end up wearing myself out and then I have another breakdown.

When I finished the TC and got a job working with Mind, it was after having spent a year working on this behaviour, yet I fell into the same trap again. I lasted 7 weeks. It has totally knocked my confidence. And perhaps I'm sick of pretending to be ok. I don't want to wear myself out in a job, whilst coming home to a dirty flat with the curtains closed for months on end. I don't want to have to stand in the toilets at work, cutting my arms so that I can get through the rest of the shift.

I could probably cope with the occasional afternoon volunteering, but i'm scared to do that in case the benefits people think it shows I am ok to go back into paid work. I know that work does make some people better, but it just puts me on high alert all the time. The stress of pretending all day means that i spend my days off asleep. And I rarely make friends at work either. They always twig that i'm not quite right eventually.

[denise24]

Going back to work is the best thing I ever did! Seriously, it seems to hard to do it, but when you do the relef is unreal! Your not bored all day sat with your thoughts or anything. x

[lostinme]

just about every therapist i have ever seen has ended our relationship with a letter to the gp saying i am completely untreatable.. you just start to trust them, you just start to let yourself through to them, and bash, there you are again, alone..

they dont understand if you have rejection issues constant rejection by therapists doesnt help.. same with refusing treatment *hugs*

[wednesday]

I think this is difficult.

Regarding Work

All the evidence shows that if people can work, then, in general, they have a much better chance of making a recovery. There are loads of reasons for this and I am sure you don't need me to list them. They are not saying you have to do a specific type of job, just a job. I don't think this means they are not taking you seriously- not at all.

Regarding therapy

Rejection never feels good. Sometimes if you see life as a series of decisions, if you make one decision you may travel a very different path than if you made an alternative decision. I remember my therapist saying something similar to me when I was young. I think he was just looking at the future for me, all the messiness and unhappiness and didn't want me to become that person. Some people can bresk down for a while and still take the other route. The route to a normal life. Once you are emeshed in the health service, if may provide support, but it also makes you see yourself as different, as mentally ill etc. Since your self image defines you, can you see that just by having the image of someone who needs help may make you someone who needs help. Perhaps you psychiatrist is just trying to see if you can manage down the route to recovery more easily on your own. I wish I'd never seem a psychiatrist then I was a teenager--it just convinced me that I was a crazy person-all of this might never have happened.

[denise24]

A guy from the crisis team once said to me, you will either make an effort and stay out of services, or you will be "one of those" that stay in services and are in and out all the time....

Suprisingly now when I have a bad day, I dont dare contact anyone for help through fear of being labeled.

[wednesday]

Denise-- I am not trying to get at people. I am obviously a service user. All I am trying to say is that there is a legitimate argument which says that seeing psychiatrists and psychologists can make you worse (and not just the bad ones).

I don't think you shouldn't call services that you need because of a throw away comment from a psychiatric nurse who knows very little about you or your condition.