Switching Between Behaviours.

[RubyStardust]

Just to lay a bit of background, I've been diagnosed with having an eating disorder since I was 16 (I'm 20 now) but actually recognised eating disorder behaviour in me from being 13. When I was 17 I was clinically anorexic and I've always been a purger but not a binger. My eating behaviour has never really been settled for a prolonged period of time with my weight fluctuating with anorexic behaviour.

Anyway this summer I lost a lot of weight and got down having a BMI under 15 which was lower than I had ever been but these last few months my life has become an absolute hell of bulimia and over eating. I've never in my whole history of being eating disordered have I taken to binging and it's wreaking absolute chaos on my mental state. I seem to not be able to find control again - and for a woman who could really have no problem resisting anything and sometimes go over a week not touching a morsel of food this is absolutely terrifying me.

I have recently been diagnosed with having BPD and I wonder really if the bulimic habits and the compulsive over eating is about that. I still get stuck in patterns of severe restriction - whereby I don't eat anything for 4 days but then I just can sit and consume over 10,000 calories in one sitting. I hate this new way of existing - it just feels miserable and pointless. For me anorexia was escapism from a lot of my problems and I'm dealing with many difficult things in therapy right now (with a consulant psychologist but in in an eating disorders unit) and I'm finding that as I'm dealing with things my self esteem and self worth is so low and dealing with very painful things that I don't feel I deserve to be thin anymore. Of course having anorexia is not enjoyable - AT all - but sometimes in my warped head I feel it's what I want - to just be thin and waste away - and now I'm telling myself I don't deserve to be thin either so I force feed myself and then panic and purge or don't eat for several days after. I feel like I'm on a none stop roundabout!

Sorry this thread was more a personal little rant but I was wondering if any of you can empathise with my feelings - particularly those of you with crossed disordered and if anyone else has managed going from extremes of anorexic to bulimic behaviour?

Thank you in advance,

Ruby x

[Pynn]

I have BPD and an ED as well. Mostly binge eating at first, but when I was 15 I started restricting. It stopped for a while when I was 17, but since 18 it's back again. I think the constant switching between different types of ED behavior might have something to do with the constant moodswings and impulsivity that comes with BPD. I can go weeks without eating almost anything, then I get a period of time that I constantly eat anything in sight (thousands of calories in 1 go, and/or eating all day long - resulting in HUGE numbers of calories), and sometimes I purge as well. Strangely enough, I only do this when I'm restricting and only slightly go over my daily goal amount of cals, (almost) never when I binge. My feelings are always all over the place, as are my thoughts, and I think this majorly influences ED behavior. I'm no expert ofcourse, but it seems logical to me.

Are you currently receiving treatment for BPD and/or your ED?

Love,

Lynn

[RubyStardust]

I have BPD and an ED as well. Mostly binge eating at first, but when I was 15 I started restricting. It stopped for a while when I was 17, but since 18 it's back again. I think the constant switching between different types of ED behavior might have something to do with the constant moodswings and impulsivity that comes with BPD. I can go weeks without eating almost anything, then I get a period of time that I constantly eat anything in sight (thousands of calories in 1 go, and/or eating all day long - resulting in HUGE numbers of calories), and sometimes I purge as well. Strangely enough, I only do this when I'm restricting and only slightly go over my daily goal amount of cals, (almost) never when I binge. My feelings are always all over the place, as are my thoughts, and I think this majorly influences ED behavior. I'm no expert ofcourse, but it seems logical to me.

Are you currently receiving treatment for BPD and/or your ED?

Love,

Lynn

Thank you for your reply Lynn - sorry to hear that you're struggling too. Yes I have DBT group for the BPD and CBT therapy with a therapist in an eating disorders outpatient unit (my therapist also specialises in personality disorders too) and the two are very interconnected.

xx

[uberdruck_girl]

i know how that feels. i have bdp. i may not of been diagnosed with an eating disorder. but i constanly eat and throw up for days. then wont eat anything for days.

it allways depends on my mood!!