No More Mh

[walker]

I am in a corner

I am hiding, scared and in a mess

I need someone to take control

But if they do I will fight it, I know

my corner, my fault,

I want them to believe I am ill, but when they say I am, I run away saying no.

Damn damn damn damn her

my will power makes it worse, not better

I am driving the wrong way

[icu_baby]

walker what is it that you are scared about?

[walker]

everything

life

living

failing

being happy

being well

everything and anything

all of it

absolutely bloody everything

i want to run, to end,

but too scared for that too

hate the whole damn stinking bloody world

shit i want to go

i just want to bloody well go so badly

get out

no more voices

do this do that

no more conflict in my head outside my head

no more hate hate hate

just no more

i want to go gogo gogog

.................... why wont someone just kill her

just wipe her out

just destroy her

[icu_baby]

It sounds that you are afraid that if you try the medication and other options they are offering you and you don't get better you will feel even more hopeless. Thats ok walker, we all feel that and its normal to feel that.

I think maybe you should try going into hospital. It sounds like you might need it and if they didn't feel that you could benefit they wouldn't offer it to you. I remember you told me in a previous email that if your husbands work pays for hospital you would go in a flash so why don't you take up this offer. I am sure you won't be there for long but even if that makes you feel 5% better its worth it. They will help you with your voices.

[walker]

no

that was in june

not now

not ill

i dont hear the voices

they are my thoughts

what my thoughts are saying,

but they are from other people

people through my life

family

friends

everything is someone else

their ideas

its like i am inside somewhere

but i dont know who

i just dont

i need ot go back to school

then maybe things will get btter

and i can stop this crazy confusion

but that was where it was before

and i was crap

a failure

i am tired

of trying to be a person who is not really here at all

of trying to do what I am told in my head and then not doing any of it cos there is too much pulling in all directions

[Miko]

Those are auditory memories - with or without variations on who actually said what all those years ago!

It's natural.

Lack of sleep causes it in me and so does some meds or some dosages.

I've had more of late, both before and after I started on 900mg gabapentin, I feared it would be a repeat of my citalopram episode. Shall persevere on 300mg and report to doctor.

Life's landscape changes and feels mighty queer. We are part of a natural phenomenon.

Hoping that helps with or without hosp.

You & I can still choose how much or little you believe what they say, they are 'only human'! (and projected by our metabolism or something)

[Miko]

P.s I don't 'slave away to achieve' either - but have had to take 50 years to learn that halfway good IS good enough really

;)

[walker]

dont honestly think I will ever get out of this

even when things cheer me up for a bit, i close back in

worthless, and useless

Hub now asking me what my 'cunning plan is' now - Just feel everything he says is an attack

???????????

Son telling us off for rowing - says i mis hear, understand

here we go again

another person who says I make everything bad

I just want someone to understand, but I have lost the one person who did

And now I am always on the wong side

always wrong

[Angel123]

Hey I understand and so do plenty of others here.

Just take one day at a time and try not to think so much about how you are feeling. (if that makes sense) and yeah i know its easier said than done.

We care , please remember that..........

xx

[Rael]

:hug2:

xxx