walker Posted October 25, 2008 Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 My daughter has back problemsShe went to see a physio yesterdaysomeone who specializes in the needs of musiciansWas telling my husband !!!!!!!!!!!!!T - glad she went, it seems to have done her good. - Physio said nothing too bad, gave her a good massage and clicking!Hub - thats niceT - yeah - and she was able to chat for an hour tooHub - HmmmT - and talk about her worries, like me, friends, work etcHub - thats goodT - yes, she said she's a really nice womanHub - she's probably a lesbianT - why do you say that? Thats not very nice (no offence meant)Hub - I was jokingT - but its not funny is itHub - well stop being nastyT - im not being nasty - but why did you say that? - just because she was kind?Hub - it was a joke - You're being nasty???????????????????????????Every day - hundreds of similar incidentsYep Must be nastyBut I wasnt being nastybut he always says I amI know I am lots of the time??????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou1330 Posted October 25, 2008 Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 In answer to yr question i'd probably say the latter but thats from an isolated outside point of viewSounds like you're in a battlefield of some kind for some reason, i wish i had something supportive or advising to say, but unfortunately i dont, but wanted to let you know that had heard you at leasttc Lou x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairy Posted October 25, 2008 Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 Hey Walker,It does sound asthough you are having some communication problems in your relationship. If your husband repeatedly uses the word "nasty" to describe you, as a starting point, I would request that he ceases to use that word. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he is being flippant with the word, but I know I could not be repatedly refered to as "nasty". Nasty is a nasty word! Perhaps inform your husband that you need an hour, with no distractions to talk. Let him know what his words mean to you, be prepared to accept that he too will most likely have some concerns.How does being called "nasty" make you feel?Fairy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 to be honest he is rightI amI dont want to hear all the shit things he has to say about me - I already know them - I already think them every day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyL Posted October 25, 2008 Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 I think one of the issues we have as people who have BPD is our histories. We do things, we say things, sometimes things that are very negative. It can happen repeatedly. If it were just us, I guess that would be all right, but most often people close to us have to deal with it. Over and over. Soon, they begin to interpret our behavior through that filter. This is called baggage.So, whether or not you were actually being nasty is almost not the issue here. That you have been lots of the time influences him to believe you are even if you're not. He's looking for it because he sees it so much of the time. This happened to me with my gf all the time when I was at my worst last year. It doesn't happen much any more because I'm extraordinarily careful with my tone nowadays. But every time I get angry--which happens almost never, but who doesn't get angry from time to time?--I know she's evaluating me with my history in mind. History. Baggage.Upon reading your transcript I'd say you weren't being "nasty," but it's all relative based on the dynamics of your relationship with your husband. As in any relationship, you have to determine what you want to overlook. If your husband is prone to making tasteless jokes, then reminding him that the joke was tasteless may be what you need to do. But you have to ask yourself if it's worth a row, or even an exchange that could lead to bad feelings. If it is, then dig right in. But if it's not, then I'd just roll my eyes and move on.Good luck,A. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fairy Posted October 25, 2008 Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 Hey Walker,If it makes you feel he is right, then that is even more reason for him to stop. Being called names is not good for anyones self esteem. If it is a cycle, he calls you nasty, you are nasty etc. Then it still needs to stop.Fairy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted October 25, 2008 Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 i have the same problem with the b/f, every conversation e seem to have ends up in an argument, usually starting with some flippant comment or throw away word. partners often seem to 'forget' how much this can hurt us, i have repeatedly asked the b/f not to say certain words as they really set me off and will instantly get my back up, yet he continues to do so as if he is actually trying to make me mad and start an argument.i dont think you were being nasty from what you said, but it does show how quickly things can escalate and he needs to realise what he is doing. it is not good for either of you and he needs to see the things that he does is hurting you.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miko Posted October 25, 2008 Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 One slip up was when you didn't say - to keep the subject at the same time factual and light: perhaps she is respectful of clients' boundaries. A massage giver has to be tactile. And (daughter) will know how to look after herself if she is not comfortable about that person. Or alternatively - 'Ho Ho Ho' in a comical way. Television audiences laugh at bad jokes. Why not turn laughing at a bad joke into something comical?One can always make remarks about the masseuse rubbing people up the wrong way - possibilities are endless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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