Self Medication

[amon666]

hey,

just wondering if people have had many experiances with self medicating with alcohol or drugs etc.

they have recently lowered my meds for some reason after i took an overdose. Before the overdose i was self medicating as some call it with alcohol, binge eating and being shall we say permiscuous. Now i have cut down on all of these things but seems to be craving self harm and taking drugs (which i have done in the past.)

Wondering if peeps have experinaced these kinnda problems and if so if they have any tips or ideas for dealing with this issue, as i have started using drugs again, just to make me feel better, i know stupid, but feels as though it helps.

Any thoughts?

[Lily-Bee]

I am sure a lot of people can relate to what you are saying I know I can for me its binge eating and spending.

I think we do these things to like you say feel better. The thing to do is I think learn to make ourselves feel ok in healthier ways. Do you have help?? A therapist, someone you can work on this with??

For it has helped greatly to find what I am passionate about which is working here and trying to be of help to other people, this is a healthy way for me to feel good to be distrackted etc. Do you have a passion you could do something with??

Lilly

[nuclearwinter]

I am addicted to everal self-medicating behaviours - spending, starving, bingeing and vomiting, self injury, overdoses, alcohol and drugs. The best thing to do is to focus on something that you really enjoy and throw yourself into that activity. For me, that was studying. I havenet overdosed or self-injured in over a year but I still get urges. Just remember that these behaviours cause more problems than they solve. Like me you will end up with a mangled arm full of obvious severe self-injury scars. You will end up with no money. If you take drugs you will be upsetting your mental health. It is best to maintain the status quo but I know how BPD can drive you to self-medicate. I've been doing it for years. It's like I have a self-destruct button.

[lostinme]

i have huge cravings for promiscuality and drugs and alcohol i also get cravings to be extortionate, and to get things out of people allthough not so much that right now.. but when it gets strong it gets insane.. probs is i have difficulty with sex right now because of flashbacks, so craving that is a silly thing..and the rest are unhelpful because im falling apart (physically as well as mentally) i guess im just generally craving self destruct.. i try and replace my thrill seeking urges by keeping myself busy but it doesnt always work and it ends up getting transferred onto something else

[chrisconway]

Believe it or not I self medicate with energy drinks like red bull.

[disillusioned]

i don't think i would refer to these behaviours as self-medication. they are maladaptive coping mechanisms which, whilst helping us to cope, sooner or later end up causing more trouble. i wouldn't see them as medication.

i strongly agree with lilly that a good way to break away from these is to get supportive professional help -- a therapist and, if necessary, a psychiatrist -- and also to actively + consciously avoid these behaviours, whilst at the same time learning and using more positive, adaptive coping behaviours. also, as lilly mentioned, finding a healthy hobby or passion is good.

it was stated, "If you take drugs you will be upsetting your mental health. It is best to maintain the status quo but I know how BPD can drive you to self-medicate." -- i do believe that doctors often prescribe psych meds all too easily and that if one can regain footing in life without meds it would be ideal. hence i listed therapy above psychiatry above. however sometimes medications can be very useful in augmenting therapy; mental illnesses do have a physiological basis, more so in some people than others. so i would not rule out medication right away. if bpd is driving one to "self-medicate" in dangerous, self-destructive ways as some have mentioned here... then perhaps actual prescription medicines might be considered? i think that the maladaptive "self-medications" that have been listed are at least equally or more upsetting to the individual's mental health than actually taking prescription psych meds...

http://health.nytimes.com/ref/health/healt...;WT.mc_ev=click -- this is an old article (published august 2007), and it is on depression, not bpd -- but i like it because it clearly highlights the physiological bases of mental illness, and cites specific studies. since mental illness does have some physiological component, it makes sense that medications can be helpful to some. if bpd is driving one to self-destructive, maladaptive "self-medicating" behaviours as this thread discusses, perhaps it could be useful to consider trying prescription drug therapy?

t

[Rael]

i have major problems with self medicating but they are much better now than they used to be. i no longer use illegal drugs or drink (ok not much) but i am highly addicted to prescription drugs. i was originally given them for severe back pain and found that by mis-using them i could make myself feel good. semi permanent and highly damaging, but when i am feeling really bad and if i have to try and get through being at work then i do use them a lot. i think that prescription drugs can be just as harmful as anything else.

.....and i have used energy drinks too to the extreme, one i found was something like 7 times stronger than red bull, really not healthy stuff.

the only thing i can think of is what Lilly said, try to substitute the behaviours for healthier ones. something that makes you feel good but does not damage you in any way. for me it is writing or drawing or posting on here. great distractions and all allow you to express yourself completely without fear of judgment or reprisals.

xxx

[nobody]

Without Self-medication over the last few years, i KNOW i wouldn't be here. To me it's not the answer, and it's something i feel sort-of ashamed of, but i look at the relative harm caused without self-medication, and the use of various substances. For me Alchohol can be soo dangerous 1 minute Hyper & joyous, the next i can be an angry, and very determinately self-destructive and suicidal.

The meds they've given me haven't really helped. Sometimes i just really need to have something to block out the pain - i know it sounds a bit feeble, but i really have exhausted the ultra healthy lifestyle for 10 years too, and that didn't stop my sever lows

[chrisconway]

i have major problems with self medicating but they are much better now than they used to be. i no longer use illegal drugs or drink (ok not much) but i am highly addicted to prescription drugs. i was originally given them for severe back pain and found that by mis-using them i could make myself feel good. semi permanent and highly damaging, but when i am feeling really bad and if i have to try and get through being at work then i do use them a lot. i think that prescription drugs can be just as harmful as anything else.

.....and i have used energy drinks too to the extreme, one i found was something like 7 times stronger than red bull, really not healthy stuff.

the only thing i can think of is what Lilly said, try to substitute the behaviours for healthier ones. something that makes you feel good but does not damage you in any way. for me it is writing or drawing or posting on here. great distractions and all allow you to express yourself completely without fear of judgment or reprisals.

xxx

What kind is that?

[Rael]

dont really want to say the name as it is not something i want to advocate in any way, but it was (and i believe prob still is) available in online health stores. and it is meant to simulate the effects of drugs so again, dont really want to say it, i hope you'll forgive me

xxx

[amon666]

Hey,

Thanx for all the replies.

I already am covered in scars, so avoiding self harm at the moment, and drinking. I do really stupid things when drinking so it aient good at the moment, when i wrote the first post i was on drugs (shamefully) and felt like crap for the next two days. I am supposed to be going to see a psychiatrist to discuss my problems after the overdose, but have not heard anything of them and do not know who to contcact. It sucks that the only way i seem to make myself feel better is through these self destructive acts which seem to cycle (i.e i do one of them, feel like crap for doing it, feel worst, need to do it again)

Thank you all for sharing your experiances and ideas, it made me feel not so alone. :)

[disillusioned]

I guess it's quite clear from this thread that we all have different but equally poor, maladaptive ways of coping! Besides si, I am also very dependent on prescription drugs -- stuff for pain/tension; benzodiazepines; sleeping pills; etc... Also I smoke and want to quit because it is very bad for my gastritis but whenever I am really depressed or anxious I just feel like I need to smoke, I thought I wouldn't get addicted to the nicotine but I did. I don't drink because I am allergic to alcohol, and I don't take too much caffeine as it used to give me panic attacks. And the drug laws where I stay are awful strict (capital punishment in some cases) and I am very asocial and have social anxiety hence I have no access to drugs. If not for my allergy and my social anxiety I would probably be using alcohol and drugs too, like many of you mentioned...

For the last 6-10 months at least I have been telling myself that I need to learn better coping mechanisms... I have been going to therapy... but somehow I can't seem to do anything differently than how I always do.

Has anyone been able to learn new and better coping mechanisms, which helps reduce the use of the old maladaptive ones? Maybe you could share how you got there?

t

[x-Bliss-x]

As I developed Anorexia from trying to cope with the overwhelming emotions caused by the BPD, I guess that would count as self-medication.

Like most of the coping mechanisms we use, it has just made things ten times worse in the long run. The problem is, is it works so bloody well in the short term!!!

x-Bliss-x

[yorkiegal73]

for me it's binge eating, shopping and drinking large amounts of diet coke.

Amon have you asked them to put your meds back up? maybe you could come to some agreement with them. I was allowed to pick up a weeks supply at a time from my chemist from a 4 week prescription until they could trust me not to od again.

[walker]

oooo I never thought of my incessant eating of sweet and salty foods, as self medicating !! but actually it does get me through the day - and I get frantic if I cant get any - hmmm scary

[lostinme]

arg.. had a particularly self destructive couple of days.. funfunfun.. self medication

[emmie18]

Hey all,

This is a really interesting topic as most of the members here would have some experience of self medicating. As one post said i am not sure it is self medicating but i think of more as a coping mechanism.

Mine is spending loads of money that i dont have and on rubbish. Another is eating for the sake of it being there.

I think we are all more similar than we think.

Keep well all

Emmie

x

[roxy222]

hey, as a teenager I starved myself, binged, drank took drugs (legal and illegal and my prescriptions), fucked up my sleeping patterns, s/h, had fucked up relationships. all ways of altering how I was feeling at the time so i didnt have to face my true feelings. I have found it one of the hardest things to let go of these behaviours, but they are learned behaviours and can be unlearned. I foudn the most important thing was to learn to sit with my feelings rather than run from them. face the horror of what I was feeling rather than trying to disconnect from it (as I had dissociated during abuse as a child). when i was avoiding my feelings I was either over anxious (which is a state not a feeling) or depressed (which is the absence of feeling). when I sat with the feelings of fear and agnoy and self hatred and anger I found it easier to hang onto all of my feelings, and when it was easier to identify what i felt at any given time and why and started being fair to those feelings (staying away from people who treated me bad, speaking up when I felt outraged, having compassion for how much id suffered) I found I didnt need to escape from my feelings any more. i still slip, I guess thats only expected, but I dont think I do anywhere near the kind of harm I used to and I dont put myself at risk in the same way anymore.

[abcd]

does anyone on this site concider themselfs a drug addict?

Iv been physicly addicted to heroin and at the moment id say im an alcoholic.

the problem for me is a pathological level of pesimisum. I live on the asumption that I have no future.

But also I find I fit in within the drugy croud and feel out of place everywear else.

[disillusioned]

all ways of altering how I was feeling at the time so i didnt have to face my true feelings.

i think this probably sums it up nicely... we do these things to either run from our feelings at the moment, or to try and induce some other feeling. thanks for putting it so nicely.

I have found it one of the hardest things to let go of these behaviours, but they are learned behaviours and can be unlearned.

that is a very encouraging statement, thank you for sharing your experiences which must have been very difficult.

(although, roxy222, i would say that depression is not an absence of feeling, but rather the presence of BAD feeling. the bpd boredom and emptiness and flat mood that i experience so often is more towards what i would call an absence of feeling. because when i am depressed... i FEEL. i feel like everything and nothing hurts so much, both inside and outside. but my flat empty boredomes are really void of feeling. just my own experience and how i view/classify the different states of being.)

abcd -- i, too, feel that i can never go back to being in the same crowd that i was before -- the quiet, hardworking, diffident, respectful bla bla that everyone thought i was when i was younger, and the type of people whom i mixed with -- because i just don't know how to help these people to understand me or what it's like being this way. i'm really happy for people who don't understand because they haven't experienced anything near what we have... i mean it's really good for them and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. it's just that now i can't connect with them because they just don't have the depth of experiences that we have had, and so they truly can't understand. i am grateful for the ones that do try but sometimes... i just feel like i'm already on the margins of society because of the way people look at me now. i know i am on the outside. thank you for sharing...

[abcd]

Disillusioned...your name and your responce resonate with me like you wouldnt believe.

[StrawberryFields]

spending, binge-eating and cutting..... my best " friends" in a crisis.

[erica67]

does anyone on this site concider themselfs a drug addict?

Iv been physicly addicted to heroin and at the moment id say im an alcoholic.

the problem for me is a pathological level of pesimisum. I live on the asumption that I have no future.

But also I find I fit in within the drugy croud and feel out of place everywear else.

Hi

I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. After 26 years I managed to get on a programme and have been sober for 6 months and clean for 2 and 1/2 months.

It's not easy but the effect on my illness of being able to stay clean and sober are amazing so it's so worth it.

In the past 2 days my symptoms have come back to bite me on the ass and my paranoia is keeping me awake but I feel I'm much better able to handle it than when I was drinking and taking drugs. This time last year I believed I had no future. I hope you can get through this.

It's not perfect but much better.

Just got to work out why my suspicions are getting of top of me....

Actualy if any one has any advice??

[hummm_mabbe]

hey,

just wondering if people have had many experiances with self medicating with alcohol or drugs etc.

they have recently lowered my meds for some reason after i took an overdose. Before the overdose i was self medicating as some call it with alcohol, binge eating and being shall we say permiscuous. Now i have cut down on all of these things but seems to be craving self harm and taking drugs (which i have done in the past.)

Wondering if peeps have experinaced these kinnda problems and if so if they have any tips or ideas for dealing with this issue, as i have started using drugs again, just to make me feel better, i know stupid, but feels as though it helps.

Any thoughts?

Hullo

For me it is starbucks coffee and chocolate, and mabbe extra long periods on the webbernet.

It used to be spending, but I have noo money. Or 14 hours playing computer games, or getting hammered. Um that and naughty things ("have a sexie time") in the past, but I have got better with that.

I dunno if you have ever done any mindfulness meditation. They teach it as part of DBT and Schema, and its very good for helping you 'sit' with bad feelings and control impulses due to raging emotions. It breaks the connection between "AGH I FEEL SHITTIE" and "NUM NUM NUM GIMME CHOCCIE / BOOZE / DRUGS" and instead you learn to sit with pain. With time this makes it decrease, but it can still be overwhelming. Learning to do different things once the "AGH I FEEL SHITTIE" feeling comes along is the next step - finding new ways of being soothed (such as letting people into your life to help you - something VERY HARD for many to do, or may not even realise that thats what people are for!) that are more healthy in the long run.

You could try to find a DBT or Schema Therapist, or perhaps read a book on Mindfulness. A good one is Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennet-Goleman, the double barreled high priestess of feeling emotionally huggie.

[hummm_mabbe]

does anyone on this site concider themselfs a drug addict?

Iv been physicly addicted to heroin and at the moment id say im an alcoholic.

the problem for me is a pathological level of pesimisum. I live on the asumption that I have no future.

But also I find I fit in within the drugy croud and feel out of place everywear else.

Hi

I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. After 26 years I managed to get on a programme and have been sober for 6 months and clean for 2 and 1/2 months.

It's not easy but the effect on my illness of being able to stay clean and sober are amazing so it's so worth it.

In the past 2 days my symptoms have come back to bite me on the ass and my paranoia is keeping me awake but I feel I'm much better able to handle it than when I was drinking and taking drugs. This time last year I believed I had no future. I hope you can get through this.

It's not perfect but much better.

Just got to work out why my suspicions are getting of top of me....

Actualy if any one has any advice??

Hiiii

You have paranoia? Nooooo that is not good I get it too, BUT the fact that you KNOW you're being paranoid is A HUGE step for the better. Its when youre paranoid and dont realise it that its worse ....

Do you have any kind of ongoing emotional support at all? Many BPD's think that they are not allowed to recruit other people to help them get better, or worse, may not trust anyone to actually understand them and do the right thing to help them. For me it has been a long, difficult road of learning to trust my therapist, and that is gradually starting to spill over into "reality". Because we have had pasts that broke our trust for people as a whole, we need experiences that repair that trust.

Paranoia is just the understandable reaction of someone who has been treated in a way that tells them "people are not to be trusted - they do things that hurt me, humiliate me or abuse me - why would I want people in my life? All they do is hurt". Paranoia is a protection aganst that - but it also makes bad things happen, After all how can you get close to people unless you trust them? How can people know who you really are if you are unable to tell them anything about you for fear of them using it against you, or laughing at you? You cant help feeling and acting that way. Mabbe sometimes you suddenly act in the total opposite way, and tell everyone everything? I did that, and it was equally bad because the people I had chosen around me at that time were bad for me. Thats another BPD thing - the tendency to carry on choosing people who are bad for us.

Gradually I am learning to spot "bad people" and what good people look like, and to slowly reveal little things. Im learning to trust a little bit more. There is no quick fix for it. Booze and drugs are the only way we have discovered to esacpe from that constant anxiety, strain and stress of feeling isolated and in danger that paranoia brings with it. Whats missing is the trsut and support from others, but paranoia itself blocks them out.